Author: Sana
Category: songfic, angst, Duo's POV, lemon
Warnings: mild lemon, kinda bastardized Heero (Eep! Don't kill me! ^^;;)
Pairings: 1x2
Disclaimer: Don't own them. Never will. The song belongs to Depeche Mode and it's on their album Songs of Fate and Devotion

"blah" dialogue
/blah/ lyrics

In Your Room

/In your room
Where time stands still
Or moves at your will/

Heero pushes me down onto his large bed none too gently, climbing in on top of me not a moment later.

He takes me fiercely, not wasting any time to prepare me or even ask if it hurts. To him, this is just satisfying physical need, like he said, himself, so many times before. It's not like I don't know that... I do, and I tried to feel the same way towards him, tell him to find another fuck-buddy and leave me the hell alone, but I just can't, and I know the reason for it all too well. No matter how cold he is, even during our intimate moments, I just can't help but love him.

I don't know what is it about him that makes me feel this way, but as soon as I walk through the door of his room, entering his small world, time stops and the world I've known just moments before disappears, leaving only the dimmed lights of Heero's room and our bodies moving closer.

When we are together, he never says a thing, as if trying to make it as least intimate as possible. But even so, when I'm with him, I feel eternal... Like the moment of our joining could last forever and not even the gods could stop it. Only Heero.

/Will you let the morning come soon
Or will you leave me lying here
In your favourite darkness
Your favourite half-light/

Spent from a mind-blowing orgasm I lay on the bed, sleep slowly claiming me. I can faintly feel Heero pull out of me and my head turns to face him of its own accord.

With hazy eyes, I can see his darkness-cloaked figure rise from the bed and move across the carpeted floor, heading for his discarded clothing.

Although this is his room, he always leaves me sleeping in his bed and goes away, never letting me feel the warmth of his naked body flushed against mine when I wake up in the morning.

He dresses quickly, automatically, and I have to watch his silhouette walk through the door, without as much as glancing in my direction, once again.

/Your favourite consciousness
Your favourite slave/

He knows I'm awake watching him exit, but he finds no reason to say anything. And indeed, there is no reason to speak. He knows I would never get mad at him and leave. He knows that he possesses every part of me, body and soul, and that I would do anything he asks me to without even questioning his reasons. So why should he bother showing me some kindness?

/In your room
Where souls disappear
Only you exist here/

The soft click as he closes the door rips through my ears, chasing all the sleep away. I shift, pushing the sweat soaked sheets off of me, and sit up on the bed. His bed. I take a deep breath and hold it in for a few moments, before letting the air leave my lungs in a loud sigh.

I hate this room; it contains too many memories... Our first kiss, the first time we had sex, the first time I cried... It was all here, in this room. And with my body, it was here that I gave my soul to him.

Every little item has some special significance to me. It holds a memory, pain, and a part of him.

I rise from the bed and move to the window pushing the curtain aside. It is already starting to dawn and the shadows in the room disappear as the brightness claims them.

/Will you lead me to your armchair
Or will you leave me lying here/

I stare at the sun rising far on the horizon for a long moment, trying not to think. It doesn't work, of course, my mind still racing a mile a minute. I turn away from the window, deciding I should try to get some sleep.

As I turn, a darkshape on the other side of the room catches my eye. I stride to it, running my fingers over the black leather as soon as I reach it.

I sit in the armchair slowly, hiding my face behind my hands. The memories dance behind my closed eyelids and I feel my eyes become moist with unshed tears.

I can remember it so vividly... Heero's face twisted with desire as he pushed me onto the armchair, not wanting to wait to get to the bed, taking me right there.

It was the only time he didn't leave immediately, resting his chin on my shoulder as he recovered from climax. I was completely intoxicated by his scent, my mind still dazed with passion, and, without thinking, I leaned closer, brushing his cheek against mine, and whispered, 'I love you,' in his ear.

As soon as I said those three little words, he pulled back, giving me one of his most intense glares, and exited the room without uttering a word.

/Your favourite innocence
Your favourite prize
Your favourite smile
Your favourite slave/

A tear trickles down my cheek and I wipe it off with my palm. I think of all the things I gave him, everything I did for him, or because of him... All those things he pretended not to notice or simply didn't care. More tears spring to my eyes and I can't hold them back, so I let them trail down my face.

I remember our first time, the time I gave him my virginity- the most intimate thing a person can give. And even then, he left as soon as he recovered from climax, leaving me alone in that huge bed of his, feeling like a used tissue thrown onto the floor.

I smile bitterly as I think of all the times I smiled just for him, the countless times I laughed although all I wanted to do was cry, and the affectionate glances I sent his way, while all he did was glare in response.

/I'm hanging on your words
Living on your breath
Feeling with your skin
Will I always be here/

I've always known he doesn't care for me, but I pretend not to realize it, convincing myself I'm wrong.

I was deaf for all the times he called me 'baka' or any other unflattering name he found suitable for me. But now my eyes are open for the first time in a long while, and I can see my world falling apart.

All I ever wanted was to hear him say he loves me, to see his gorgeous face when I woke up in the morning and hear his heart ticking in harmony with mine. I sigh. I know that will never happen.

Wiping away the tears with the back of my hand, I stand up and move to the mirror. I look at the boy staring at me; the fragile form surrounded by a cloak of chestnut hair, flawless amethyst eyes red from crying, and body covered with his lover's marks.

I push my hair back, wondering what I would look like if I cut it off. To my surprise, I find a pair of scissors on the table just next to the mirror.

My hair means everything to me; just like Heero. I'm sure that if I could cut my hair off, I could leave him too or at least make him tell me what he really feels.

I bite my lower lip and grip myhair so hard it feels like I might tear it off. My heart starts beating wildly in my chest and I feel like I'm about to cut off my arm.

/In your room
Your burning eyes
Cause flames to arise
Will you let the fire die down soon
Or will I always be here
Your favourite passion
Your favourite game
Your favourite mirror
Your favourite slave/

"What do you think you're doing?" a voice comes from behind me startling me and making me drop the scissors.


"What are you doing?" he asks angrily.

"I- I was just... Nothing."

"What were you doing with those scissors?"

His glare is so intense I can almost feel it burn my skin. I suddenly find the floor very interesting, refusing to move my eyes away from it and look at Heero.

He moves closer lifting my chin with his fingers and forces me to look into those cobalt depths.

"Don't cut your hair," he says, a small hint of something other than anger flashing in his eyes.

All I can do is nod before letting him claim my lips in a kiss he deepenes almost immediately.

Without breaking the kiss, he maneuvers us toward the bed, pushing me down and landing on top of me.

His skillful hands know my body so well that it's easy for him to find all of my sensitive spots and bring me to full arousal in mere moments. His tongue teases my nipple and I moan sensually, wanting more of his touch.

He trails a path of kisses down my chest and over my stomach. The very thought of where his beautiful full mouth is headed makes my erection pulse with impatience.

Moments later his lips close around my manhood and I close my eyes letting wave after wave of pleasure to wash over me. He moves his head up and down slowly, his pink tongue teasing my aching need. I throw my head back, my fingers gripping the sheets.

I can feel I'm close; the moment of fulfillment is getting nearer with every second spent in the hot cavern that is Heero's mouth. I close my eyes, feeling my body tense, but just as I'm about to come, Heero pulls away.

I whimper in protest, but he doesn't pay attention. Instead, he takes my leg and drapes it over his shoulder, positioning himself in front of my entrance. At the same time, his hand rummages through a drawer just next to the bed, searching for lube. He finds it easily, as it wasn't long since the last time it was used, and applies the cool contents on his waiting erection.

For the first time he pauses before entering me, looking into my eyes and exploring my soul at the same time. I return his gaze, looking into the cobalt eyes and seeing a reflection of myself in them.

I close my eyes as he enters me; the mixture of pain and pleasure is too intense for me to keep them open.

In a couple of small thrusts, he buries himself to the hilt, immediately starting to move in and out of me. It hurts, but I'm already used to it, finding a way to ignore the pain and just enjoy the pleasure.

I gasp loudly as I feel him hit my prostate, whiteness claiming my vision. I'm so close. I can feel my cock throbbing in my hand as I pump it in time with Heero's thrusts.

Only one more thrust and I come, screaming Heero's name at the top of my lungs and covering both of our stomachs with my seed.

Heero comes deep inside me, nothing more than a low moan leaving his lips. His spent body can't hold him anymore, and he collapses on top of me.

My leg,which wrapped itself around Heero's waist at some point of our joining, tightens its grip, refusing to ever let go. But as soon as his orgasm subsides, Heero peels my leg off of him and gets up.

He stands at the edge of the bed for a few moments, looking at me closely before turning on his heels and leaving me alone yet again.

/I'm hanging on your words
Living on your breath
Feeling with your skin
Will I always be here/

I feel cold and alone for the second time today, all the sad thoughts returning as soon as he left.

I move back to where I was standing before Heero came in, picking up the scissors. I study them closely, as if I've never seen a pair of scissors before in my life.

I cut through the air a couple of times, making sure they are working, before moving my eyes back to the mirror and inspecting my hair. I run my fingers through it, enjoying the silky softness I love so much.

/Will I always be here/

I close my eyes and, taking a deep breath, tighten my grip on the scissors.


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