Author: Lady Violet
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: 1+2, a little 3+4
Warnings: Even more SAP, read at the risk of your teeth, slight (I hope) OOC
Disclaimer: I don't own them, but Bandai does. *Sigh*

That Look (Jealous of What?)

I am fifteen years old, an orphan, a former street-rat, an expert thief, the pilot of a weapon of large-scale destruction, and I call myself the God of Death. And just when I thought that my life couldn't get any stranger than it already was, I have come to a rather frightening conclusion: I am jealous of a purple stuffed bunny.

Yup. That's right. I'm jealous of Baka, the purple bunny that I gave to Heero a couple of weeks ago.

He gets to spend the whole day sitting on Heero Yuy's bed, and then he gets to spend the whole night cradled in Heero Yuy's arms.

Pretty pathetic of me, huh?

Please, for the sake of my sanity and self-worth, don't answer that. I mean, I was the one who gave Baka to Heero to help get rid of his nightmares. That should have been the end of it, right? But no, now I'm jealous of a harmless stuffed bunny.

Stupid Heero. Why'd he have to go and get me all mixed up again? I thought things were back to whatever passes for normal in my life after I gave Baka to Heero and stopped his nightmares. Then, I woke up this morning to find myself curled up around a plush turtle that is Heero's exact eye color, with Heero's exact serious expression sewn onto its face.

I must have stared at the turtle for a good two minutes, before my brain started functioning coherently again. I was positive that Heero was the one who had given him to me. Who else would even think of it?

That's when I decided that it's name would be "Ook", for the first letter of each word of "Omae o korosu". The turtle had the exact same closed look that Heero's face has whenever he threatens me.

I woke Heero up, thanked him, and informed him that Ook's name is Ook. When I told him where the name had come from, the look in his eyes told me that he was trying to decide whether to kill me or just smile.

Since I'm telling you this, I guess you figured out that he chose to grin.

But, oh, that grin! Heero's smiles are rarely more than a slight quirking of his lips, but, somehow, they manage to completely alter his appearance. It's like a little window opens up, just for a second, and you can see that he's really just a human being, not all that "Perfect Soldier" crap he's been fed all these years.

But it's his eyes that always get me when he's smiling. His eyes are this... amazing color of blue. I used to think that they looked like sapphires, but then, when I saw him with a smile that reached all the way up to them, I realized that they're better than any jewels.

Have you ever been out in the desert, right after the sun has set? The light hasn't faded completely yet, so the sky is this deep blue, lighter than when full night has set in, but deeper and richer than during the day. The stars are just starting to appear, and they cast this kind of soft luminescence that makes the sky stay that color for just a few minutes longer. That is the color of Heero's eyes when he's happy.

Well, DUUUUHHHHHH I'm in love with him! Isn't that damned obvious? I'm jealous of a freaking stuffed bunny here!

I had put Ook on Heero's bed earlier in the day, because I thought that he looked dreadfully unhappy all alone on my big ol' bed with no company. Then, when I went to retrieve Ook from Heero's bed a few minutes ago, I decided to hide my feelings for my best friend by acting a little childish.

"Ook was lonely, and since I know how that feels, I let him sit with Baka for a while," I told Heero as I climbed into bed. "I hope you don't mind."

Then, Heero got the strangest look in his eyes. It's a little familiar, but I still can't place where I've seen it before. "No," he says slowly, "Baka is always willing to keep lonely turtles company."

I smile, a little surprised that Heero goes along with my playing. He doesn't always; sometimes he looks at me like I've grown a tail or something when I say things like that. I clutch Ook closer, content for the moment with inhaling the scent of Heero that lingers on the turtle, and drift off to sleep.

What did that look in his eyes mean, though?


The next day, Heero was called away on some solo mission. He's been gone for three days. He's due back today, and Wufei's inside, monitoring communications in case something goes wrong. I've been trying not to act too worried about Heero, so I'm outside, playing in the snow with Quatre and Trowa.

Trowa and I are building a snowman and Quatre's sliding down the hill in back of our current safehouse on a toboggan. Q-man's from the desert, so he's never spent much time in the snow, and he seems to be making up for lost time. He chuckles happily whenever he has a particularly good run. I paste a leer on my face, "Hey Tro, what say we make this snowman anatomically correct?" Trowa just raises an eyebrow at me.

Oh, well. I didn't really expect him to go along with it anyway.

"LOOK OUT!" I hear Quatre yell, and instinctively leap backwards as my blond friend careens past me on his bright green toboggan and plows straight into the unfinished snowman.

I'm about to ask him if he's okay, when I realize that if he was really hurt, he wouldn't be laughing delightedly as he rubs snow out of his eyes with his mittened hands. "That was soo much fun!" Quat gives his bright, gamine grin. "My best run ever! Man, I was going so fast, and I went really far!"

Trowa shakes his head, offering his love the slightest of smiles and a hand up. I start when I see That Look in his eyes as he pulls Quatre to his feet. I know That Look. Those two lovebirds are always exchanging That Look, especially when one does something the other thinks is particularly wonderful or cute.

That Look is that really tender, adoring expression that Tro gets whenever Quatre runs up and tackles him with a hug "just because he felt like it". That Look is what floods Quat's eyes when he sees that Trowa left him a gift on his breakfast plate, like a bouquet of flowers or just a little note.

I had seen That Look in someone else's eyes, though, and it had been directed at me. Just four days ago, in fact, when I had been explaining that Ook had been lonely and that Baka had been keeping him company. When I had glanced up, I had been pinned by That Look, and had been trying to place it ever since.

Heero had been giving me That Look.

Fortunately, Tro and Quat have retreated to this little world of their own where they're the only two people in existence, so I'm able to make my getaway unnoticed. I make it up to the room that I share with Heero somehow, though I don't remember exactly how. I lie down on a bed and grab the stuffed animals there. My mind is reeling in shock.

Having your mind reel is not really a very pleasant situation, let me tell you. It's kind of like being very, very dizzy, except you can't find a single thing in the whole world that's holding still, and it's mental dizziness, not physical dizziness. Everything that you used to just know is suddenly either not there at all or has been turned so topsy-turvy that you can barely recognize it any more.

I take several deep breaths to center myself in the real world, and try to work it all out in my mixed up head, starting from the ground up.

My name is Duo Maxwell. I am the pilot of the Gundam Deathscythe. My favorite color is black. My hair is brown. My eyes are blue or violet, depending on who you ask. I am ethnically an American (if you can be ethnically an American). I grew up on the streets of L2. My childhood... well, best not to open that can of worms right now. I am in love with my best friend, Heero Yuy.

Heero is the pilot of the Gundam Wing. His favorite color is...good question. Green, I think. His hair is dark brown. His eyes are blue, though that hardly seems to cover it. He is ethnically Japanese. He grew up on L1. Don't want to go into his childhood, either.

Heero loves me. I think. Well, I hope. What if I was just imagining That Look? But no, I didn't think that I was imagining things. If I had been, wouldn't I have realized what it was right then? I'm pretty sure I would have. But this was Heero. I had to have been imagining things...

I gradually become aware that I'm inhaling the scent of Japanese spices gently overlaid by 'Ocean Fresh' soap and the smell of cloves from Heero's shampoo. I open my eyes. The pillowcase is the wrong color.

I leap to my feet abruptly, nearly dropping Baka, and only catching the bunny at the last second. I notice that I'm also clutching Ook, who had also been on the same bed.

Through my disorientation, my mind had directed me to Heero's bed, instead of my own. I groan. "Oh, man. It's a good thing he's not back yet, huh, Ook? Talk about embarrassing, don't you think, Baka? Why would he mind me cuddling in his bed? Well, Ook, I've loved Heero for a long time. In fact, I'm kind of jealous of you, Baka, because he loves you, and, well, he'll never feel the same way about me..." I trail off, realizing that I'm discussing my lack of a love life with a pair of stuffed animals. "Brilliant, Maxwell. No one's even here and you're still babbling."

"So suddenly I'm no one?" a deep, slightly nasal voice asks flatly from behind me. I feel the bottom drop out of my stomach, leaving a tight, icy feeling behind. I turn around, biting my lower lip in chagrin.

Heero stands in the doorway, feet planted shoulder-width apart, arms crossed over his chest, and his duffle at his feet. I have decided that it should be illegal for someone with that nice a chest to wear tank tops. After all, Heero's always complaining about distractions.

To me, Heero is just one big distraction.

See what I mean? Here I am, facing my doom, and all I can think is that my doom has a damn fine chest.

"Heero?" I say, wincing as I realize that I squeaked a little on the second syllable. "I..." I can't continue. I set Baka down with a little pat and squeeze Ook more tightly, preparing to meet my fate.

My fate is slightly different than I expect.

"And what makes you so sure that I don't love you, Duo-baka?" The name "baka" is normally meant to be insulting, but the way he's saying it right now... It sounds more like a pet name or something. An endearment. I look up in surprise, to find that Heero has relaxed his posture, and is now leaning on the doorframe, though his arms are still crossed.

He is giving me That Look.

Heero is giving me That Look.

Heero Yuy is giving me, Duo Maxwell, That Look.

No. You don't understand.

HEERO is giving ME That Look.

I think I'm going to melt into a puddle of Duo-goo. Right here, right now. It's messy, but, man oh man! What a way to go...

And, while I'm still dazed, I feel someone tugging Ook from my arms. I release the turtle reluctantly, only to have him replaced by a dark-haired god with eyes like the desert sky at twilight and a beautiful little smile on his face.

I want to pinch myself to prove that this was real, but if you had an armful of Heero Yuy, would you pause to pinch yourself? I didn't think so. I feel a hand cradling the back of my head, below my braid, and I move to comb my own fingers through Heero's short, silkily fine hair. Without any further preamble, I press my lips against his.

I won't say that there's fireworks. Because that's pretty over-used, and besides, there really aren't fireworks. What courses through my heart and soul is much more explosive, and the sound roaring in my ears is much louder, than any fireworks.

And I know that whenever I see That Look on Heero's face, I'll remember this feeling.

We eventually have to stop to breathe, but we don't separate very far. Our foreheads are touching, and so are the tips of our noses. I feel Heero take a deep breath, in preparation to say something.

"You have no idea how jealous I've been of that turtle," he breathes.


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