NOTE: This fic idea came to mea after reading about a fic contest that was posted to the lists a couple of weeks ago. If I can finish it, I'll enter it, but anyway, it was a contest where you had to write based on a provided idea, and the idea I chose is called "Heero, the not-so-perfect soldier," and the point of it it supposed to be Heero learning to deal with his emotions after J removed a controling computer chip from his brain. In my fic, it is after the Eve War, and all the scientists are alive and well.
AUTHOR: shira
PAIRINGS: R+1, 2+/x1
WARNINGS: Angst, sap, OOC Heero, shoenen-ai/yaoi implications, bad language, pushy (but nice) Relena, other stuff that I don't know about yet, I'm sure.
NOTE: FYI - this is not beta'd. I don't have a beta reader. Sorry. I don't think it's too bad, though.
FEEDBACK: But of course!

*thinks* You know something? This is the "second" time I've had chip implants in Heero's brain in a fic! *blinkblink* LOL!

Papillion + Part 1

"We're through. It's over," the older man said in his matter-of-fact, no nonsense way. "I have no use for you anymore, so you can go." He replaced his suture scissors to the cold tray on the counter beside them, fitting the metal lid onto the tray afterward.


"Heero, go live your life." This time there was a hint of sympathy in the voice.

"I-I don't...what do I do? Where should I go?" Heero Yuy, now eighteen, looked on with concern, his distress evident in his expression. After a long silence, Dr. J., Heero's long-time mentor and controller turned toward him, those eerie eyes peeking out through coke-bottle thick glasses, making him turn cold the way he always did when confronted by that gaze.

"Where should you go? You want to know where you should go?" J waited for a response, but Heero could only nod. He wasn't so familiar with being asked. He was more familiar with being told. "Go where ever your heart desires, Heero. The world is yours now, now that you helped make it the place that it is today."

He didn't answer.

"Why don't you go to that girl...the Foreign Minister. She likes you, Heero. She'd be a good one to help you see the world the way it is now."

"You mean Relena?"

J stood, unbuttoning his lab coat and taking it off, draping it over the back of his desk chair. For the present, all projects had been suspended since the attainment of universal peace -- peace that looked like it might remain for a while, at least a few years time. The Gundams were no more, and thus, their pilots were no longer needed either. Now a year after the final war, the Eve war, the five scientists had since given up their stance for the time being, deciding instead to remain invisible and observe the ever-strengthening peace out of the limelight. After the Eve War, they secretly announced to each of their trusted pilots that their services were no longer needed, and that they should move on in their lives. They were instructed, as one final order, to find a way to live comfortably and as happily as possible in the peace that they helped to obtain, and to remain loyal to Relena Darlian's efforts.

Each pilot had received those instructions, except for one, that is. Heero. Instead, he had been called back to J and to L1, where he spent the following year continuing his training and generally existing for the likes of J's experimentation. They tested weaponry, designed new mobile suit plans, cracked computer codes, and did anything that would keep Heero's skills sharp and his attention focused. Then when it became obvious to the scientist that there honestly was no more use for the boy, he finally did decide that in all fairness to Heero, it was time to close up shop and let him live his own life.

"Yes, Relena," J said, his eyes roaming over Heero in admiration. "She will help you."

He had been a small boy when J started with him -- small in both age and stature, but over the years, and with hard and patient work, he had transformed the boy into the impressive specimen that stood before him. He'd turned the shy, yet argumentative boy into a well oiled, quick-witted fighting machine. Strong, Lean. Balanced. Obedient. Intelligent. Heero Yuy had far surpassed his expectations, allowing himself to be molded into the deadliest of weapons, but everything eventually comes to an end, J reasoned, and so must this. As much as he would miss the boy, miss having his pride and joy available to every beck and call, it was time to let go. There was no feeling of camaraderie, no fatherly love that would be lost -- only the sadness that he was giving up his control, but it was high time he did and J knew it. It was high time to give Heero his life back.

He picked up a little computer chip from his desk and fingered it, his skin becoming slightly bloodied from a few places on the chip that were still wet. "Go to her, Heero. Start over. Live your life. And if your services are ever needed again, you can offer them this time on your own. I thank you for what you have given me and the rest of the world, Heero, and I do hesitate to let you go, but I can't control your life forever. Even I realize that." J dropped the chip on the floor, then crushed it with his heel as Heero watched on.

"Go to Relena," the Japanese boy repeated in a hushed tone just loud enough for them both to hear, his eyes fixed on J's foot. Then he looked up. "I'll go to Relena, then. She'll tell me what to do."

"No!" J said loudly. "Go to her to learn, Heero, but YOU tell you what to do. It's time, Heero. Time for you to be you. You don't need anyone to tell you what to do anymore. You need to decide for yourself now."

Nodding again, Heero rubbed the back of his head to scratch the nylon stitches that had been sewn into his scalp, then stood. He looked at J once more, uncertainty in his eyes, then turned to leave. Walking out of J's office that last time, Heero realized that he would probably never hear from or see the man again, and his emotions were varied. While he felt relief, the relief from knowing that he was no longer required to be someone else's puppet, there was also a mind-numbing fear, something so strong that it clouded his thought, making it impossible at that moment. For the first time in his life that he could remember, Heero was completely in control of his destiny and it frightened him in a way that he'd never been frightened before.

As he gathered up his few belongings and exited the science building for the last time, Heero converged on the real world alone, his gut wrenched into a knot, his face pale and colorless against the backdrop of his dark hair.


[part 2] [back to the Singles page]