Somewhere + Part 5 (cont)

Wufei's lips firmed into a straight line. "Obviously it does bother you."

"It would bother you if someone pointed out the flaws in Meiren!"

His voice seemed too loud all of the sudden, like a dead weight hanging in the air. Blue orbs dared to look down into those misting black rounded eyes, full of hate and understanding all at the same moment.

Raking a hand through his mane, the Sankian man sighed loudly, attempting to release his frustration in that one breath. "Wufei... "

Their eyes held for a long moment, before Wufei turned his head, glancing and studying the glass of water clutched tightly in his grip. "No. You're right. Yes, it would bother me. But even now, even with Meiren only gone two and a half years I know her flaws. I would just want to remember her as perfect... I thought... I ... "

"I'm sorry."

"No!" Wufei shook his head vigorously. "You have every right and reason to say that. There is no reason for you to apologize. I spent a long time of my widowed life trying to remember her as some perfect paragon of everything I should have been. Even now I hate to disregard my thoughts of her." There was a long pause before he most nearly whispered, "Even when they are not truth."

"You loved her?" Miri asked.

A slow smile formed on the Asian man's face. "Certainly not then. We hated each other. But mutual hate became a common point and that turned to respect and finally friendship." How strange and surreal it felt to discuss such things with the man across from him. Technically Miri was still a stranger, someone who he really did not know all that well. But, somehow he found it so easy to relate to the other man. It came so unquestioningly to discuss a problem with him.

The Prince's voice drew him from his thoughts. "Did you... "

"Did I?" Wufei responded before it dawned upon him the blonde's question. A faint blush formed on his bronze cheeks. "Oh. Yes, we, um eventually did. I mean it was expected of us. As we became older it grew into something other than a duty, something between exploration and experimentation. I was like any other teenager. I do have hormones. At times we fought, at other times I despised her." How others saw sometimes truly amazed him. It wasn't as if he was above natural urgings of a normal teenager.

"And love?" Millardo inquired.

Wufei sat playing with the end of a dead leaf. "I learned I loved her when I was alone on mission. When I could hear Yuy and Maxwell down the hall. That I missed her body, her warmth of just being there. Her scent was no longer there. She wasn't there to fight with me or to laugh with me. Now... Now looking back it was love.

"I still miss her, but I can wake up and not crave to see her. That her spirit I am certain is lurking around shaking its head at my seemingly constant stupidity.

"It wasn't love in the sense you think of it, Miri... it was a love of duty, respect, honour, and friendship. Something like... I don't know. Something between lovers and siblings."

"I miss him so very much that it hurts to the point that I want to die." Miri confessed softly, eyes locked on that silver band.

"I wish I could offer more than my sympathies... " Wufei whispered.

Icy blue eyes locked onto his. "Then it's strange. He's gone but he isn't. Like some image, a mirage... I see him in you, so much so that I forget that you two are different people. But I think having you here... " Fingers reached across the glass table to brush gently over the Chinese man's cheek.

Black eyes softened slightly as warm air rushed from his lungs, "Miri... "

"It's a blessing and a curse, I know I have to move on... " he continued, warm fingers tracing the other man's noble jaw line.

"What you have to do is mourn." Wufei interjected.

"What?"

The Chinese man was insistent all at once. "You have to mourn! If you don't you'll grow distant. You will push aside human contact!"

"Wufei?" The blonde tressed man leaned closer to the boy, concern dictating his motions.

"You can't just move on! You'll... you'll... " Knees were pulled up tight against his chest. "You'll become like me. How I am."

"Were."

Black eyes glanced up quite quickly.

"You certainly are not the same person as before."

"But still mourning is part of the process... I didn't mourn. For me to mourn in public... I wore white for so long, I took up her cause, u pushed aside my conceptions of life and tried to live and breathe hers. I never... She was always stronger than me, I felt that she should have lived and not I. But I became bitter. I don't want to see... . I would never want to see you become like that. I... "

"Shhhhhh... " The European man pressed a single finger to the boy's lips to silence his tirade. "When I lost Treize when I left him during the war I broke more than a friendship. But when I found Fei I had found something more than what I had lost...

It wasn't a natural loss. I find myself without something or someone to blame. No one is at fault. It was beyond my control. And I hate that I had no control over the situation. It isn't a comprehendible situation to be in. It isn't my fault and it certainly isn't yours. Definitely isn't yours." Their eyes were focused on one another, the blonde man hoping his point was getting through to the boy. "For what ever reason you are here in his place. It is like he is still here... but different somehow. You aren't the same person, you remind me of what he was then at the sane time you remind me of how he is, I can't expect you to be him. Yet, I can't help wondering where he is, if he is alright. And I mourn him... "

A strong understanding silence broke across the greenhouse.

"You honestly think that the two of us are in one person?" Wufei ventured after a while, not in an accusing tone, but one of curiosity.

"I... " He paused in a long moment of soundless deliberation. "I can see it being possible."

Those blue eyes widened as a certain idea dawned upon him. "Duo may have had something of an grasp of the situation we do not possess."

Eyes looked at him, as if willing the European to continue.

"At times... " Millardo paused.

"At times?" Wufei echoed.

"At times... Well... I'm not going to make any logical sense."

"No, probably not."

"Well, basically Duo thinks that since you adjusted so quickly, or easy put changed to your environment so easily that you either in a manner possessed Fei's body, or the two of you combined."

Black eyes blinked a few times running the blonde's sentence through his mind. "So I'm being influenced by him?"

"I guess" the older man hedged. "I mean it explains some things."

"It makes you feel like you haven't completely lost Fei" Wufei concluded.

"Yeah, that is part of it I suppose" Millardo allowed.

"So... Well wouldn't, well you know, influence me?" Wufei began in a flustered tone.

Shrugging, the taller man stretched out in the chair. "I guess you have certain emotions on some things and on others you get subconscious suggestions? Influences?"

Black eyes fluttered up to match the intent icy blue gaze the older man was watching him with, before turning away.

"Do you think that is the reason I love Mariemaia? Or why I've been growing closer to people?"

"No!" The blonde insisted. "Well, maybe a little if myself or the other pilots are involved more intimately. But, no Wufei, I *know* you love her."

A faint trace of a smile graced the boy's features. "Thank you. I really do care about her. I'm sorry that... about... you know... "

The older man shifted from his seat to kneel before the Chinese man, his hands cupping the boy's face. His blue eyes looked deeply into those bottomless black ones. "Wufei. I miss Fei. I don't hate you for not loving me."

Black eyes wavered somehow, as if something deep in the ashes of the boy's soul had stirred to life. A brief second of brilliance illuminated his eyes. "I consider you a very close friend... " It sounded so horribly dense to his own ears.

A gentle smile formed on Millardo's features. "I thank you for that then. Yes I miss many parts of married life with Fei, but that was him not you. I can like and respect you. You're not Fei, and that is fine."

He was lost in the older man's eyes, finger nervously twisted at the silver wedding band. `I can see all that love, forgiveness and hope in his eyes. They shine so brilliantly and brightly. He instinctively puts others in front of his own comfort and stability. He has the eyes of a prince... '

Unconsciously, Wufei moistened his own cracking lips with his tongue. "You're really too kind."

"Probably" The blonde agreed amiably.

Wufei smiled.

Unable to contain himself, the blonde Sankian man grinned back, lingering slightly as he pulled his hands from the boy's face.

The Asian man blushed slightly, feeling a flutter in his heart. "I can try to be more like him... "

Millardo froze suddenly, blinking in surprise. "You... you do not have to. I don't need you to, nor would I want you to force yourself to. I want you to be you."

"I think we did combine Miri," Wufei whispered.

He placed his hands by his sides, eyes still locked upon the boys. "You do?"

Nodding slowly, Wufei explained. "I mean it makes sense and explains a lot of things that sometimes enter my thoughts. My reactions to some things. I don't feel guilty all the time, even though I should."

"You shouldn't feel guilty at all."

Wufei's nose wrinkled in disgust at that remark. "I guess I can't help it," he sighed. "There is always that lingering voice that reminds me that this isn't my life. That I am essentially stealing memories and moments that should be yours and Marie's. You should be spending those moments with him and not with me.

"And I don't know if I'll ever be sent back to my old life. And if I adjust here... I... Never mind. It's not that important. I am being entirely too selfish. You probably have things you want to talk about."

"You should never think that. And we should have discussed these things a while ago."

"I've only been here four months, Miri," Wufei reminded the man. "That isn't a long time."

"Yeah. At times it seems a lot longer. Which is a good thing!" The man added quickly, panic that he had offended the younger man rising to the surface. "Which is a good thing" he stated again, eyes bearing that point into Wufei's.

Quite suddenly the boy looked uncomfortable. "Miri?"

"Hm?"

"Would you have been happier if I, er... slept with you?"

Millardo looked at the blushing cheeks and shook his head; his own cheeks feeling a bit warm. "I can't say that I would not have been. I'd feel guilty that you weren't Fei, but the pain I think would have been lessened. But no matter what I respect your decision. If you aren't, then you aren't."

"But you hope that his influence... ?"

The older man sighed deeply. "I can't help but wish sometimes." He stood quite suddenly and grinned. "You know, I never gave you a tour of the place. You should know about the grounds, the private jets, security and all that nonsense."

"You don't have to -- " the Chinese man began.

"This is how I mourn. I fuss over other people."

"And yourself?" Wufei inquired.

The blonde gave him a flirtatious smirk. "I leave that in the capable hands of others."

+

He watched the Chinese youth sleeping beside him, one arm circled around his waist and snuggling quite close for a man who supposedly disliked that kind of intimate contact.

Brushing a finger down the boy's cheek Miri whispered softly, "I lied to you. I am shallow enough that I would have loved to have had you beneath me. And while I respect your feeling that won't stop me from flirting with you. I just have this gut feeling that you and he are in this together."

A gentle smile and Millardo leaned in closer. "Fei? Wufei needs more of you're influence still."

Without stopping to think about his movement, he tilted the man's head up pausing for a mere moment to drink in the sight of the Asian man in moonlight.

Pressing his lips softly against the boy's, he placed a gentle butterfly kiss on those malleable lips. A tender shift and Millardo found that Wufei was leaning up into the kiss.

His hand slipped beneath the boy's neck, angling it up, deepening their moment. The Sankian man felt those lithe arms tighten around his waist. Carefully he ended the stolen instant of passion. To his surprise the Asian man pressed closer into his embrace.

Smiling, he just held Wufei. `Maybe... Maybe things will be okay. Just don't hate me Fei."

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