AN: Here be the final part. Don't forget to comment! ^_~
//...// - radio
Heart Will Never Vary + Part 3
He was not the same person
when he came out of that meeting. There was a kind of hollowness in everything
he thought about, as though he couldn't find it in himself to care. The
world was grayscale; only Duo was still full color, vibrant and lashing
out with it, somewhere on the peripherals of Heero's vision.
He had been an idiot to request that Duo work with him. Surely Wufei would
have been just as good an observer and wouldn't have to go through the
heartache of thinking that Duo may/might/would/could love him back or
He jumped over the side of his convertible, the only thing of expense
he owned, and turned on the gas. It reminded him of Wing. Yes, that was
why he got it! He wanted to hit the wheel. He wanted to punch his fist
through a wall. The baka thought they were playing a game!
He would have driven away if it weren't for Duo's energetic form unexpectedly
leaning on the passenger door. He plastered himself on it, and Heero couldn't
drive off without risking serious injury to the boy.
"What?" He turned to ask Duo, not curtly, but not quite interested
either. It almost hurt to look at him knowing what Heero knew now. If
everything had been a game, then Heero had lost because he had invested
real emotion into something that had been a farce.
"Nothing." Duo looked at him with professionally faked innocence.
"Just imprinting that scowl on my memories, for further dissection
when I have a particularly happy day. We can't have too much happiness
in this world, something might explode, ya know."
Duo sighed and stopped leaning against the car, his hands now on his hips.
"Not afraid to insult."
He looked almost contemplative, but there was sadness to his eyes that
Heero couldn't place. "When I first saw you I knew you could insult
anyone to death, hardly batting your eye lashes."
Heero waited for the point of this. He wondered if it would hurt if he
just drove away. Probably, although Duo wouldn't even guess so, since
he seemed oblivious so far.
"Destined to be killed by you." Duo had once told him. Destined
to be hurt by you, Heero had wanted to reply. Yet he hadn't silenced
the threat, he'd taken it in his arms and cared for it for a week.
And yet we stay with each other happy with merely existing in the same
"Ah, but then I thought -- insult me with my charming
personality? Not possible!" Duo was faking a grin at him as he interrupted
Heero's internal monologue.
"You should have remembered that thought when you shot me."
Heero said, and then--
It hung in the air like The Worst Insult. Duo hated to be reminded of
their first meeting, but Heero was willing to play dirty today in payback.
It was one for one, after Duo had stabbed him like that in Lady Une's
He might have still driven away, no matter how abrupt or damaging it might
have been to their relationship, except Duo in one fluid motion jumped
over the other side of the convertible, just like Heero had done earlier,
and settled into the passenger seat.
It sounded like an order when he said strongly and quietly, "Drive."
Heero didn't know if he minded this or not. It was shaping up to be a
close proximity encounter, and he could feel his heart-rate speed up,
but refusing Duo was always harder than refusing himself. He took a look
in the sideway mirror, saw the staring that was going on behind
their back and figured that some privacy was a good idea after all. What
the other people thought of this relationship never concerned him, but
-- despite the hurt Duo caused him -- he was too much in
love not to be considerate of Duo's sensibilities.
Heero drove away, leaving Quatre and other curious on-lookers to their
best guesses. It was something he liked to do often.
//...Now I tell you openly. You have my hurt so don't hurt me!
The world was conspiring against him. Of course, Duo wanted some noise
in the car while they drove. Of course, the radio would be playing a song
that at least somewhat hinted at the tension between them! Didn't this
always happen when you least wanted it to?
Should Heero dare to turn off the song, he was not prepared to deal with
Duo's speculations, so he kept his hands firmly on the wheel, even though
the words were becoming increasingly annoying.
//...I want more--//
Heero's hand twitched on the wheel. Duo squirmed a little in his seat.
//...You're everything to me...//
It was the end of the song thanks to whatever deities. Heero felt if he
could survive the last couplet he was safe.
He didn't know how wrong he was. Deities were not up there to baby-sit
him through this turbulent relationship, that much he found out at the
beginning of the next song. It started with,
"I just can't get you out of my head," and quickly developed
into, "Boy, your loving is all I think about." Here Duo broke,
and turned the thing off, muttering, "Jesus," quietly to himself.
Heero could see some real sentiment behind those words.
Thankfully, they were also nearing Duo's salvage yard.
The yard was a hobby Duo had refused to let go of. He claimed that it
made him feel good to build and repair things, considering how much he
had taken apart in the past. Heero could see something in that logic.
"How did you know I wanted to go here?" Duo asked him once they'd
stopped, making absolutely no move to exit the car.
It was true that when he'd said 'drive' no particular direction was given.
"You always want to go here."
"Heh," Duo scratched at his sun burned nose in a whimsical fashion,
"Maybe I should make myself a car out of this junk."
Heero sat quietly. These little trips they made were his only constant
source of one-on-one time with Duo.
"Maybe not." Duo continued, laughing, as though he knew exactly
why Heero didn't agree. "Maybe
you'll drive me around forever." He was kidding. Somewhat.
"Maybe." Heero said simply, not looking away from the other
They looked at each other for a bit, measuring how serious about that
prospect the other was.
"So...What?" Duo asked after a minute of this rather comfortable
gazing and memorizing of each other's faces. Truthfully, Duo could charm
anybody with that slight smile and his exotic eyes. The eyes alone were
enough of a drug for Heero to feel light-headed.
Heero didn't have words. He loved Duo -- that was enough. He loved
him so much he couldn't speak of it. It would be too mundane. His heart
would never vary.
Duo had to have seen it in his face, because he jumped to all the right
conclusions. "Uh, Heero? Do you or do you not wanna...?" Here
Duo's voice trailed off abruptly. He looked down to his lap in an unconscious
gesture, embarrassed and puzzled that he was so.
This was still a savable moment. A 'Hn', a grin, and they were back to
friendly terms, but did they want to go back?
Duo didn't want to say the words out loud. They were both boys, and quite
aware of that fact, having spent long sleepless nights thinking that,
'No, that fact shouldn't matter if the emotion is there, but it did
matter, damn it!'
Looking up, Duo braved the topic because both of them knew Heero was not
"If I kiss you--" He was blushing badly, and his breathing
was short, "what will happen?"
Heero turned to him fully.
"I will kiss you back."
Thus happened the point of No Return. There was some relieved downtime
after that as they considered each other, figuring out strategies, escape
plans and possible casualties. They were such bad tacticians, Heero thought.
Here they were within a foot of each other, and they wouldn't do a thing
about eliminating that distance.
"Ah...Maybe-Shouldn't we try it?" Again it was Duo who asked,
but Heero had leaned forward before Duo finished speaking.
Their lips met, the angle slight and precise, and wonderfully comfortable.
It wasn't a slow motion kiss -- they were too eager to draw it
out. It wasn't too quick either -- they couldn't bear to be apart
anymore, and moved closer, pressing against each other's chests, the rest
of their bodies still in the respective seats.
They kissed for a little while, hearts in their throats, terrified of
making a mistake. As the moments passed, their lips began to touch as
though it was a common gesture, something they did everyday.
By the time they separated, Heero discovered they were both not in their
seats anymore, but rather somehow taking up the space between, bodies
molded together as though they've been trying to crawl inside each other.
And although it hadn't felt like a bad idea, again they drew apart, remembering
at the touch that they were both boys.
Heero felt he could ignore it if he tried. He knew he loved Duo. His first
kiss just now had been a very pleasant experience and he was ready
to do it again, soon.
Duo didn't look quite as sure. He said something, but Heero didn't hear.
"Duo?" Heero couldn't stop watching the movement of Duo's lips.
The sounds had faded away and he read what Duo had said.
'What will we do?'
Heero didn't have anything profound to say. What would they do?
Live? Duo looked over at him, saw something he felt comfortable with and
moved closer. In Heero's understanding it meant he could put his arms
around the other boy, and so he did. After a moment or so, Duo relaxed
against him, but not enough to completely slump on him, just a slight
pressure on Heero's supportive body.
They sat like that for a little while. It was very new; they'd never been
this close before purely for the body contact -- Duo's left arm
and shoulder against Heero's chest, pressed at a comfortable angle, so
that Heero could wrap his arms around Duo's body. Heero was afraid to
use any force, so he just let his hands lay limp around Duo and held them
"You can hold me tighter," Duo mentioned after a while.
Heero pressed the boy a little closer to himself. It felt better. Duo
had to twist his head now to look at the side of Heero's face.
Heero hugged him as strongly as he dared to, and Duo didn't protest. Duo
craned his neck and touched the side of Heero's cheek with his lips. Heero
looked down, sliding his lips over to where Duo could reach them. He hit
Duo's nose first, kissed it, moved down, found Duo's lips.
It was perfect.
After a while, eager, Heero pressed the other boy very close.
"Maybe a little less tight," Duo told him, breaking the kiss,
and Heero let go almost completely, ashamed of his strength, his breathing
Duo didn't move away, but turned around entirely to face him, and buried
his face into the side of Heero's neck. Duo's lips moved against it, as
though he were speaking. Heero slid his cheek over Duo's smooth hair a
few times -- he didn't understand.
Duo began tracing a pattern on his back with a finger, the other hand
still tightly woven into Heero's shirt, gripping it and pulling Heero
He then lifted his head, suddenly and smoothly, moved back a bit so that
he could receive Heero's answer.
'We've been together for a long time.' Heero mouthed back, silent, still
keeping the boy close.
Duo looked past his shoulder at the memories only he could see. He broke
the silence with the same calm decisiveness and lack of regret with which
broke many other things.
"Yes. We have been dating for a while now." Duo chuckled and
sighed at the same time. To a stranger it would have sounded like a whimper,
but Duo had chuckled, and had sighed.
"Dating?" This was news to Heero, who'd suddenly remembered
the whole rose-puppy-date scenario. He was rushing things. He was going
the high-risk road.
"Yeah. Didn't you know?" Duo was chuckling, relaxing some more
and stopping his convulsive gripping of Heero's shirt, "I thought
"Aa. Possibly." Heero agreed. Their whole acquaintance felt
like what romance should be about. Excitement much? Heero thought wryly.
"Subconsciously, I knew," he clarified.
"Aah." Duo drew closer with that sound.
"Let's put--" Heero moved closer, their lips touched,
"more ...conscious effort," by then the words were being gasped
out between both of their lips.
/...in/ was just a thought.
All the while Duo wouldn't let go of him, and Heero would not let go of
Duo either. The numbness parted and moved aside for them.
They didn't sleep together.
Heero supposed it was a good thing, considering he wasn't ready to deal
with all that it entailed. Despite what they wrote in books, he felt he
could survive not making physical love to Duo a while yet. He attributed
this to some kind of weird psychological residue from his lifestyle before
and during the war -- after all it seemed as though the first thing
people did after they declared affection for each other was get naked.
Duo didn't seem to mind too much though, so if they had to deviate from
normality again, they could at least do it together.
He felt comforted by the thought of Duo's hands on his body. Heero imagined
Duo running his fingers over his chest. It was an arousing thought, and
at the same time it made him want to smile. More than ever, Heero wanted
to see him.
So it was with these thoughts that he made his way towards the office,
past the coffee machine-- He didn't make it further than that.
Sudden scalding heat burned his mouth and hands as it quickly slipped
through his thin white shirt and onto the skin underneath.
From the corner of his eyes he'd seen a woman's figure turning, looking
in the other direction, but expected to be able to avoid her. She'd jerked
back in fright in the last moment and splashed all her hot coffee across
his face, chest and hands.
For a second, Heero rubbed at his chin and lips, trying to get the remaining
hot liquid off, already feeling the burning begin. Perfect. He was sure
Duo wouldn't kiss him until the burns healed.
"Oh my God!" The woman was familiar. "I'm so sorry! Mr.
Oh, yes. He remembered his latest secretary well.
She was gasping and pale, her hand against her mouth in an expression
of horror. They were causing a commotion and Heero looked down to see
what had become of his shirt. It was a work of art really, with coffee
stains and sugar liberally splashed all the way down.
Heero tried to avoid the people, ducking towards his office, but --
of course -- bumped into Duo waiting by the door. Duo's mouth formed
an 'O' of surprise at Heero's appearance, but he followed through with
that thought, immediately dashing towards Heero with a handkerchief he'd
whipped out of nowhere. He poured the cold water from a plastic cup he'd
been holding when Heero appeared on the piece of material and began dabbing
at Heero's face even as they moved into Heero's office.
"What happened?" Duo asked as he worked.
Heero began unbuttoning his shirt, removing the heated wet material from
his skin, "My ex- secretary spilled the coffee all over me."
Duo paused in his ministrations for a second. "You're kidding."
He said in a hushed with awe voice.
Duo laughed even as he moved on to wiping coffee off of Heero's hands.
He then moved on to Heero's neck and the spots on Heero's chest where
the liquid had seeped through the shirt. Suddenly Heero became aware that
the blinds in his office weren't closed, and he instantly remembered that
his office also had floor to ceiling glass windows on one side. He chanced
a look and saw half the office staring inside. Heero wondered if he should
tell Duo that they were performing for an audience.
"All done, I guess," Duo commented meanwhile. "I cannot
believe she did it again. What the hell do you do to her that she
spills coffee every time you're near?" He laughed again, throwing
his head back, "Maybe you were right to be glad she quit."
Heero suddenly found himself looking straight into Duo's eyes. "That
girl is a menace." Duo concluded, his finger's rising toward Heero's
face, "Your lips are burned."
And Duo proved Heero's earlier assumption wrong, kissing him softly, as
though to heal the hurt. On the lips, eyes closed, in front of the whole
Duo must have felt something in the atmosphere, because he opened his
eyes and moved back a bit to look at Heero. Then Duo's gaze moved on to
the crowd outside.
His first impulse was to falter backwards, as his hands groped Heero's
desk for support, his face whiter than chalk. Then blood rushed to his
face, rendering him completely speechless and immobile, as all he could
do was stare in helpless shock out of the glass wall. Heero, still clad
only in pants, strode over to the glass panel and with a few expert twists
shut the blinds rendering them alone in the room.
When Heero turned back, Duo's face was turned to studiously watch the
opposite wall. Suddenly, the boy slid down to the floor, sitting cross-legged,
the back of his head against the desk. His eyes squeezed shut, Duo started
to thoroughly beat his head against the side of the desk, in mute expression
Heero sat on his legs in front of the other boy. He reached out and placed
his hand between Duo's head and the desk so that the next time Duo went
to hit himself, he beat his head against Heero's softer hand instead.
Duo opened his eyes.
"I can't believe I did that." the boy whispered.
They were so close, Heero was sure his breath touched Duo's cheek just
as Duo's touched his. "Does it matter?"
Heero knew he was asking for a lot, but as Duo searched his face for elaboration
on that question, he found himself wishing that Duo would accept things
as they were. It was almost like committing to each other if a third party
knew of their relationship. (Or x-th party as the case might be, Heero
Quietly, as though it was an effort, Duo whispered,
"I love you Heero. Let the world know it." Duo swallowed thickly,
looking up from under his bangs.
Heero appreciated the effort. He kissed Duo, telling him with his lips.
After he'd been home and back to put a new shirt on underneath his Preventer's
jacket, Heero found Duo again in the cafeteria..
Duo was sitting with Wufei of all people, looking rather morose as he
leaned against his hand. Wufei was talking to him and it didn't seem to
be making Duo any happier.
As Heero neared, Wufei followed Duo's gaze past his shoulder, turning
to Heero and assessing him in one powerful glance. There was no expression
on his face whatsoever.
"Heero," he said in greeting.
Heero nodded to him and sat down in a spare chair besides Wufei and across
from Duo, who was on the other side of the table.
Wufei fixed a look on the table for a second before beginning the conversation.
"I heard interesting things in the office today," he said as
though he expected Heero to start denying everything. Was that what he
and Duo had been talking about before? He glanced at the braided boy,
seeing the residual sadness in his mouth line, and getting angry with
Wufei who had no right to interfere.
"No doubt." Heero answered nonchalantly, "It's a good thing
the weekend is coming up otherwise the office would be buzzing with the
news of Relena Peacecraft's arrival all working week."
Wufei gave him a grim smile at his avoidance. Heero simply wanted to treat
his and Duo's relationship as a normal thing, not something to be whispering
into the internal Preventer's phone lines.
"So you and Maxwell are joined at the hip now?" Wufei asked
next, voice edgy, not letting him off the hook.
"Wu. Fei." Duo's voice was soft but lacked no conviction as
he stared deeply into the Chinese boy's face, stopping any further remarks.
Technically it was obvious that Wufei only wanted to make sure neither
of them got hurt chasing the wind, but it was too early in their relationship
to get technical like that.
Heero considered what he was about to do. It had taken him some thought
to realize that Duo might want proof of his feelings, something he could
point at if anybody wondered. The day before, he had told Duo all about
the kind suggestion a woman in the hospital had made about a plant leading
to a pet leading to dating. Duo had smiled at him, placing his hand on
the back of Heero's neck and bumping their foreheads together so that
their noses touched slightly, then told Heero that he'd been wondering
about the rose. Sitting on the edge of Heero's bed, they'd kissed and
pressed against each other, eager to be close.
Heero had felt it then, in the way Duo held him very tightly, that the
insecurity was too strong in this relationship yet. He had thought about
it again when Duo had put his feelings into words in his office. There
was something he could give in return.
"I love Duo, yes." Heero said staring straight at the boy before
him, Wufei's surprise melting into the background.
Something soft whispered pleasure back at him from Duo's unusual violet
[part 2] [back
to Singles l - z]