Author: pyrzm
see ch. 1 for warnings, notes, disclaimer

Broken Warriors + Chapter 23
Transgression

If Duo had needed any more proof that Heero was on the mend, he got it watching him prepare to leave the hospital. In the elevator he caught a well-remembered motion from the corner of his eye. Heero's hand strayed under his leather jacket to the back of his jeans waistband, where a gun had always been. As they headed for the rear exit, where the Winner Corp. car waited, those dark blue eyes were hard and alert, his face an emotionless mask of concentration. It was almost as if a switch had been thrown, something turned back on.

Duo reached into his boot and pulled out the Glock, offering it. To his surprise, Heero shook his head. "No, not yet."

The thought of Heero not trusting himself with a weapon was unsettling. Unarmed, too weak to fight, yet suddenly hyper alert. Duo felt the comforting weight of the Sig Saur in his own shoulder holster; looked like it was up to him to be on guard.

Duo hadn't needed Kat's extra senses to know that things were still unresolved between Tro and Kat, too. Their little game of spin the bottle might not have been such a good idea in retrospect. Kat seemed OK, but Trowa was quieter than ever on the way to the launch port, and hid behind his bangs the way he used to in the early days, not making eye contact with any of them, especially Heero.

Heero's manner grew increasingly distrustful as they made their way through the Madrid launch port and followed Quatre to the private launch bay where two Winner Corporation shuttles waited. Heero watched closely as Quatre greeted the Maguanac pilots, whom he obviously knew.

Trowa still hung back as the others said their good byes.

"I'll email you," Duo whispered to Quatre as he hugged him. "Think about what you want to do, ok?"

Quatre nodded. "Have a great time, you two. See you on the twenty fifth!"

Despite Quatre's assurances, Heero made a thorough search of the trans-Atlantic shuttle before the doors were closed. The craft was small, but luxuriously appointed, with a comfortable lounge with leather seats, a sound system worthy of a dance club, and a wide screen entertainment center. Beyond that, behind fretted wooden doors, was a lavish Arabian-style bedroom. The bed was enclosed in sheer rose pink silk curtains and piled with brilliant cushions and a fur throw. Eyeing that, Duo was doubly glad he'd secretly told Quatre to never mind about a flight attendant. Aside from the pilot and co pilot, they were alone on the plane.

In the tiny galley Duo found a fridge stocked with chilled wines, beer, and imported waters, pates, boxes of Sanque chocolates and other expensive goodies. Duo wondered if the chocolates were just a happy coincidence or if Kat had somehow managed to pump Heero for details of their stay at the embassy. Somehow, he just couldn't picture Heero Yuy sharing that kind of information.

"Man, I don't know how much more spoiling I can take!" he exclaimed as he and Heero strapped themselves in for takeoff.

"You like all this, don't you?" Heero's tone was neutral.

"When it's free? Hell, yeah! How 'bout you?"

Heero shrugged. "It's good to have the basic necessities taken care of. Beyond that, I don't much care one-way or the other. I do like the effect it has on you, though."

"Huh?"

"Luxury seems to act as an aphrodisiac on you. I noticed it even back during the war." Heero was smiling now, in that quiet way of his that most people completely missed. "In the embassy bedroom--your 'orgy suite'-- I finally was able to take advantage of that effect. And now you've got that look again."

"I thought I got a certain look in that men's room last night."

This won him an outright chuckle. "Yes, but it was a different look. Variety is part of your charm. A large part. But I was just wondering--" He trailed off, gazing out the window as Madrid fell away behind them.

"What?" Duo asked, intrigued. The feeling grew stronger as he saw Heero swallow. Heero was nervous.

"Us being together. It's all happened very fast, hasn't it? As lovers, I mean."

"Yeah." Duo's heart gave an uneasy jump. Now that the shock had worn off, or the novelty, maybe, was Heero having second thoughts? If he was, his timing sucked!

"That is--I mean--" Heero Yuy, who had faced death and torture without blinking, was shifting in his seat and picking at the armrest like a kid outside the principal's office, and looking anywhere but at Duo. "We haven't talked about--"

"About what?" Duo demanded.

"Whether--after this rest at the Cape house, and New Orleans--where we're going to live and if you want to live with me or get separate places or--Well, we haven't and I think I'd feel better if I knew how you felt. I'm not trying to pressure you! You don't have to give me any answer right now!" he added hastily. "But I just wanted you to know that whatever you want is fine with me."

"Bullshit."

Heero looked at him in surprise.

"Bullshit," Duo said again. "Remember, that first morning we woke up together and I was fooling around, teasing you, you said you wanted us to be honest about feelings and shit? Well, that goes for you, too. And I don't want any martyr crap, either."

"Duo--"

"If it didn't matter to you, you wouldn't be squirming around like that. It matters a lot to you and your feelings are just as important as mine. What do you want, Heero?"

Heero stared down at his hands and blushed hotly. When he spoke at last, Duo had to lean forward to catch the words. "I want to wake up every morning for the rest of my life holding you in my arms."

"Oh." Duo's voice cracked around the sudden lump in his throat.

"I'm sorry--It's too soon, I know," Heero stammered, misunderstanding. "But you asked how I feel and that's the truth. If that not what you wanted to hear--"

Duo cut him off with a kiss, then sat back, eyes stinging. "It's exactly what I wanted to hear. I just never expected you to be so--so--"

Heero still looked alarmed. "So what?"

"Romantic!" Duo threw off his seatbelt, climbed into Heero's lap, and kissed him. "God, Heero! I never in a million years thought I'd ever hear something like that come out of that mouth!"

"You don't mind?" A hint of the smile was creeping back into those incredible blue eyes.

"Naw, baby, I don't mind," Duo laughed, throat still tight. "All those years I was crushing on you, you never once gave me any sign, except that one time and then it was like it never happened, and then, well--you know. And now you come out with something like that!"

Heero's arms tightened around his waist. "I don't want to make the same mistake again. I want you to know how I feel. But I'm not very good at that."

"You're doing great."

Heero gazed up at him and Duo could have sworn he saw a hint of tears in his eyes now. "You always understood me, when nobody else did."

"Oh yeah? Maybe because I wasn't so distracted by being scared of you, eh?"

"You were never scared enough."

"I beg to differ." Duo kissed him again. "Hey, am I too heavy on you?"

"No, stay."

"I keep forgetting how sick you've been. " Duo cupped Heero's face in both hands, smoothing his thumbs over his cheeks, feeling the slight roughness there. The dark circles were gone. "You look a lot better and you've put on a little weight. Guess that hasn't changed, anyway, huh? No one heals like you."

"I don't have my strength back, though." Heero stroked a hand down Duo's braid. "When I can carry you off to bed, then I'll be better."

Dou wiggled happily against him. "Can't wait for that! Soooo-- what was all that about me liking fancy digs, eh?"

"I have money, savings. It's enough to live comfortably, but not--not like this. I was just wondering how much it mattered to you."

Duo snorted. "You have no idea how little it takes to impress me. And no, I don't care about all this!" He waved at the expensive furnishings. "That doesn't mean I don't enjoy the hell out of it when I get the chance. But believe me, Heero, and I'm not just saying this; as long as you're with me, three squares a day and a dry place to sleep is all I ask. I mean, you should see Trowa's place. Nothing fancy, believe me, just a glorified trailer."

"But you liked it there."

"Because I was with them. It meant a lot, living with two good friends I trusted, after everything that happened."

"Hn." Heero was still holding him, but his face was guarded again.

Duo slipped a hand under his chin and got his attention. "Talk to me, Heero. What's on your mind?"

"I've been watching you with them. The way you talk to each other, even the way you kissed Trowa during that bottle game. There's something there."

"Heero, I swear--"

"No, I mean there's something there I don't want to ruin for you. Any of you."

"They love you, too, Heero. You have to have picked up on that by now, right?"

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. They both do. And they love me. And each other. It's all like, I dunno-- just different shades of the same color, sort of. "

"Do you want to keep living with them?"

Duo rested his forehead against Heero's. "Dunno. Sort of. I talked a little to Kat about it. It's all up in the air."

"Because of Trowa's thing for me?"

"That's part of it. When you kissed him, that second time, you felt it, right?"

Heero reddened. "Yes."

"And when you kissed Kat that last time? Something happened there, too, didn't it?"

"Yes, but not like I feel for you!"

Duo chuckled. "Hey, you don't have to apologize to me! I'm the one who's been sleeping naked with 'em, right?"

"Hn." Heero's mouth was suddenly tight. "Did Trowa brush your hair?"

Duo blinked. Those blue eyes had gone laser beam on him again. "What?"

"Did he?"

The temperature seemed to drop about ten degrees. Unsettled, Duo slipped off Heero's lap into his own seat. "Yeah, I guess. Now and then. Why?"

Heero scowled.

"Heero?" Then it dawned on him. In Heero's reality, naked sleeping was just sleeping, but hair brushing was foreplay.

"It was after--" Duo drew his legs up and wrapped his arms around his knees. "It was after he spanked me. As a sort of comfort thing."

"Spanking. And he used a hairbrush, yes?"

It was Duo's turn to go beet red. "Sometimes, yeah. But how the hell did you know that?"

"Hn."

What was going on behind those implacable eyes now? Before he could ask, Heero glanced down at Duo's watch. "I have a vid appointment with Dr. Batoosingh in ten minutes. May I borrow your computer?"

"Sure, of course."

"When we reach Massachusetts, I need to replace mine."

With that, he stalked into the bedroom with the computer, leaving Duo feeling even more unsettled, and oddly guilty, too. He slouched down in his seat and tugged at his braid, still warm from Heero's touch. "I thought you were gone!" he whispered, wondering how the good mood had changed so quickly.

+

Heero had hoped it would be easier to talk to Dr. Batoosingh via the vid phone. The electronic interface, though visual, would have distancing effect. He wasn't looking forward to this session. He also hadn't counted on having to have this session from a harem bed. Damn Quatre and his well-meaning meddling! If the embassy room was an orgy suite, this appeared to be an orgy plane. Then again, it seemed ironically appropriate, given the subject he had to broach. No matter what he did, it seemed he had to talk about this new intimacy.

If Batoosingh noticed the garish backdrop, he gave no sign. Otherwise, however, he was as unsettlingly observant as before. As soon as they'd exchanged IDs and pleasantries, he said, "You have something on your mind, Heero."

Cross-legged on the bed, Heero made himself remain still and impassive. //Mission mode, 01. Just a debriefing.// "I need your opinion, Doctor. I suspect my emotional state is not as stable as I had hoped."

"Indeed?"

Heero took a deep breath. "I have only been lovers with Duo for a few days, and already I am acting in an irrational manner."

Batoosingh waited. A hint of movement at the lower edge of the screen suggested that he was writing something down on his notepad.

"I love Duo," Heero stated, as if in his own defense. "I find that certain facts of his past bother me more than they ought to."

"I see. Would you care to specify?"

"Trowa brushed Duo's hair. And spanked him. With a brush."

"Yes."

Heero's eyes widened. "He told you?"

"The subject has come up, yes. And this troubles you?" Heero gave a curt nod. A long pause followed. Evidently the doctor required more information. "Why is that, Heero?"

"I don't know why! I assumed you could offer some insight. Is that not your job?"

Batoosingh smiled that gentle, rather sad smile of his. "It's my job to help you find those answers for yourself, not give them to you. Why do you think this bothers you?"

Heero let out a frustrated snort. "We are talking in circles already! Duo had told me many things about his past. Things he did."

"With other men?"

"Yes. He told me he'd never let other men scr-- penetrate him, that I was the first. Except for the rapes and those don't count. And he told me he has not had sex with our friends. Duo doesn't lie, Doctor. I know this. And last night the four of us, we--" Damn, this was worse than he'd feared. Mortified, he forced the words out. "Last night we played a game, the four of us." Face aflame, he ground out, "Spin the bottle."

"Yes?" Was that a hint of amusement in the man's eyes?

Heero forced himself to stay still, not squirm away from the screen in embarrassment. "There was kissing between all of us. Duo kissed Trowa and vice versa. It was very--thorough."

"Did Trowa kiss you, as well?" Batoosingh suddenly interjected.

"Yes."

"How did that make you feel?"

At last! Direct questions. "It was not unpleasant, but we were drinking." He thought about it again. "No, it was not unpleasant, but there was also a difference with all three of them."

"Can you elaborate?"

"With Duo, I felt passion, and love. And I believe I was also showing Trowa that he was mine now. But Trowa kissed him in much the same manner and Duo didn't' seem to mind."

"I see. Did you mind?"

"Not at the time, but now-Yes, I mind."

"Go on. Did you kiss Trowa's partner?"

"Yes. It was--" Heero paused, searching for the right word. "Tender. I was not thinking about Trowa, or even Duo. I like Quatre very much, and found I only wanted show him affection."

"You do not feel competitive with him."

"No."

"I've spoken with Quatre a few times. He strikes me as a very gentle person."

"He is, but he as also a very good fighter, incredibly brave and honorable, and the best tactician. He's not weak, Doctor."

"Gentleness should not be equated with weakness."

"Hn." That's not what Heero's training had taught him.

"Let's go back to you kissing Trowa. I sense you are confused about your own reactions."

Heero frowned. "That seemed more of a game than any of the rest of it. There was competition, and joking around. But also--" He remembered the way Trowa's eyes had closed as his lips opened to Heero's assaulting kiss. Despite all the chest thumping over Duo, Trowa had surrendered to him, right there in front of the others. Heero caught his breath at the guilty tendril of arousal that unfurled in his belly. "I enjoyed it. I acted in a dominant manner and he liked it."

"I see. So it bothers you that Duo allowed Trowa to dominate him in a more serious manner, even though it was in the context of stress relief?"

"It was during the time I was gone, and when they thought I was dead. It should not matter. I understand why they did it." Heero's heart was beating faster. His hands were clenched in his lap now. "This should not bother me! Yet I cannot seem to control my emotions regarding it. Just now, when I wanted only to be comfortable and intimate with Duo, the subject came up and we nearly had a fight over it. I got that bad feeling, like when I was jealous of seeing them together in the news reports."

"I suspect that's exactly what it is, Heero. Jealousy. And that's an emotion with no respect for logic."

"Then there is no way to control it?" What good was therapy, then?

"Sometimes we must simply accept our feelings, Heero. In time they fade. Don't forget that you are still adjusting to being part of this group again, and to a new phase of your life. And I did caution you two about taking things too quickly, didn't I?"

"Yes, but we were unable to take your advice. Lo-attraction? It is like jealousy. You cannot make yourself not feel it."

Batoosingh chuckled. "True, especially at your age. I don't think any harm will come of it, mind you. But you have placed yourself in the position of having to learn a great deal at once."

"Hn." Heero didn't think he had the patience for this therapy.

"Let's go back to the specific things that seem to be bothering you. Why do you think that the thought of someone else brushing Duo's hair would trouble you so much?"

"He says I have a fetish for his hair."

Batoosingh chuckled again. "It does seem to be highly symbolic for you. Any thoughts?"

Back to square one again! Heero clenched a hand his own hair, biting back an angry retort. This was giving him a headache. "Duo's hair is very special to him. It is part of what makes him who he is and he doesn't unbraid it very often."

"When does he?"

"In my experience? Only for sex."

"So it represents a level of intimacy, for him to let anyone see him, literally, with his hair down. And for him to allow someone to touch it."

"Yes!" Loosing Duo's hair that day after the battle, washing and brushing that hair-it had been their first form of intimacy. He haltingly expressed this, and the doctor nodded, as if finally satisfied with one of his answers. "I don't think Duo let the men he screwed play with his hair," he finished lamely.

"So you perhaps classify this as the same level of intimacy as anal penetration?"

Heero blinked. "Maybe."

"And he allowed your friend that honor."

"Hn." This wasn't making him feel any better.

"And what about the spanking, Heero. How does that rate?"

Heero shook his head. "I just don't understand that."

"You have not done that for him?"

"No. Except a swat on the butt the other morning, but that was only a joke. But--well, I could tell he liked it. He jokingly asked me for more."

"Such psychological needs are complex things, Heero. Unless you felt that it was becoming a problem between the two of you-Duo needing it more often than you were wished to engage in that kind of play, or for reasons you were not comfortable with-but otherwise, I would not worry about it. It's a common form of play among lovers. More importantly, though, for people like Duo pain and discipline can also be very cathartic. He has a long history of seeking out that kind of treatment, often in highly unhealthy ways. According to Duo, your friend Trowa acted as a safe outlet for those needs at a time when Duo might otherwise have gotten himself seriously harmed again. As difficult as it may be for you to accept, I think it was a positive thing at the time."

"Hn."

"Give yourself time, Heero. And when you can do so calmly, try to talk to Duo about it. Perhaps even Trowa."

"Hn."

"That's not a happy sound, Heero. Or a particularly informative response, either. What sorts of things could you do to resolve these feelings?"

"I don't know!" he shouted. Putting his fist through the nearest wall seemed like the best viable solution at the moment. "What is the point of this? I've already told you I don't know! Why else are we having this fucking conversation, if you can't tell me what I should do? I don't know! With all due respect, Doctor, I see no point to this!"

"You're expecting a fast, logical solution. You need time to contemplate these reactions. Give yourself that time, Heero, and we'll see where you are next week. And do try and talk to Duo? If it's any comfort, all lovers hit snags like these."

Heero glowered at the screen. "You often tell me that my feelings are common."

"It just means you're part of the human race, Heero."

Heero signed off and stared at the blank screen. If the computer had been his rather than Duo's, he might have given in to the urge to toss it across the room. He wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting there like that when a nervous cough in the doorway alerted him to Duo's presence. The man still moved quiet as a shadow!

"Everything OK in here?" he asked, toying nervously with his braid as he attempted a grin. It didn't quite work.

"I don't want Trowa touching your hair anymore!" Heero snapped. "And no more spanking!"

Duo tensed, and something in his eyes changed. He shrugged. "Fine. And in return, you don't fuck him. Give and take, Yuy." With that, he turned on his heel and disappeared back into the lounge.

"What?" Gathering his scattered wits, he hurried after him. Duo was hunched in his seat, clutching an open bottle of beer. "What are you talking about?"

Duo took a long swig and gave him a defiant look. "Just what I said. No fucking Trowa."

"I don't want to fuck Trowa!"

Duo snorted and took another drink.

"You shouldn't be drinking."

Duo waved the bottle at him tauntingly. It was almost empty. "You shouldn't be yelling at me for something that happened while you were off being dead!"

Controlling himself with an effort, Heero walked over and took the beer from Duo's hand. Duo let him, but angrily turned away, arms locked across his chest.

"Duo?"

No answer. Those big expressive eyes were hard now, and dark with fury, but the corners of his mouth were trembling.

"Duo." Heero eased down beside him on the seat and touched his shoulder. Duo shrugged his hand off and hunched closer to the window. Confused, Heero sat back. "I don't want to have sex with Trowa."

"That's not what Kat says."

"If it's about that kissing thing-"

"Before that. You know how he is, Heero. You may not mean to, but deep down, you want to. And he wants it bad."

Heero twisted the bottle in his hands. "I just spent half an hour with Batoosingh, establishing that apart from loving you, I have absolutely no clue how I feel about anything. But you and Quatre have me all figured out?"

Duo shrugged. "Figured out? Hardly. But you know Kat. He's never wrong about these feeling things."

Heero put the beer bottled in a box behind the tiny bar and leaned on the counter, struggling for some semblance of self-control. "Duo, all I want, all I think about, is loving you, making some kind of new life with you. But I'm lost, adrift, and you all keep throwing things like this in my way! I only want you!" But even as he said it, a little voice in the back of his mind whispered "Liar!"

But Duo was getting up now, eyes still hard. He brushed past Heero and bent over to open the mini fridge and take out a second beer. Straightening up again, he looked Heero straight in the eye as he twisted off the cap, the challenge plain in his face.

"Duo, we agreed you wouldn't drink anymore."

"Yeah, we did, didn't we?" Duo maintained eye contact as he raised the bottle and took a drink.

"Duo, stop it!"

Duo's pupils dilated noticeably. "Make me, Heero."

What the hell? Heero took the bottle from him and placed it with the empty in the box at their feet. Duo simply turned and got another from the fridge, still glaring a challenge. Was this a game? Some form of flirting? No, it had a deadly serious edge to it. Duo needed something from him, something triggered by this whole miserable conversation.

Heero grabbed the bottle away before he could open it. "No, Duo."

But it wasn't enough. Quick as ever, Duo snatched it back, twisted the cap off and took a gulp. Heero grabbed his wrist, slopping beer over both of them. "Stop this!"

"Make me!" Duo growled, resisting just enough to put tension on Heero's arm. "I mean it, Yuy. Make me stop."

For the second time that day, Heero lost his temper. Adrenalin kicked in. Tossing the bottle away, careless of where it landed, he yanked Duo out from behind the bar. He hadn't really tested his strength, aside from a few workouts, but it was sufficient to drag a suddenly unresisting Duo away from the bar. The minute he let go, however, the baka headed straight back toward the fridge. This time Heero caught him by the braid and reeled him none too gently back. Duo spun out of his grip and braced, expecting attack. His eyes were wild now, but Heero could not tell if it was with lust, anger, or if Duo had simply gone off the edge again. But there was no question: he was being challenged by his strong-willed lover, asked to prove something. It was almost as if Duo wanted a fight. "Does he want me to punch him?" Heero thought with sudden alarm.

Then another thought hit and suddenly everything seemed very clear. Heero ducked under Duo's guard, caught him by the back of the shirt, and shoved him away from the bar, toward the back of the plane. Getting a firmer grip on the base of his braid, he kept the momentum going, marching him into the bedroom and kicking the door closed behind them. He kept a grip on Duo's neck as he threw him face down on the bed and wrestled his jeans down.

"Is this what you need?" he growled.

"Fuck you!" Duo snarled into the comforter, but he wasn't fighting. He could have. Heero knew he was more than strong enough to at least get away. But he didn't even try. Giving himself over to instincts he hadn't felt since Libra, Heero brought his open hand down hard on Duo's ass. The loud smack startled both of them and Duo's cheeks quivered under the force of it. Duo's whole body jerked, but he didn't try to get away, just clutched at the satin bedspread, head bowed under Heero's grip. Heero spanked him again, with the same response.

Duo wanted this. Needed this. Had forced his hand, so to speak.

"You." Smack! "Will." Smack! "Not." Smack! "Drink." Smack! "Alcohol!" Smack!

Point made, he released him and stepped back, gasping with the effort and an uncomfortable tightness in his groin. Duo's round, fair skinned bottom was mottled with red fingerprints now and he was shaking and moaning. Not crying. Moaning.

"More, Heero!" he pleaded, voice muffled against the bed. "Please!"

The need in his voice was unmistakable and Heero's hormones answered. Heero rested on knee on the edge of the bed and smacked Duo's ass again, trying not to hear Dr. Batoosingh's voice in his head, asking him to analyze his feelings. Fuck that! This was between him and Trowa-What? No, between him and Duo. Yes, with Duo, who was still moaning for more even as he struggled and wiggled under the open handed blows Heero was raining down on that upturned, submissive ass.

And then somehow he was yanking Duo's jeans down around his ankles, giving up only when he couldn't get them off over the half laced jump boots. He had presence of mind to lift the Glock out of the ankle holster and set it aside before he shoved Duo up on his hands and knees and wrestled his own fly open. Lube. He needed lube, but a tube of it had appeared as if by magic on the bed beside Duo. Heero snatched it up, coated himself quickly and shoved into Duo in one hard thrust, remembering too late that he was still sore from last night's adventures.

Duo cried out in pain, but locked his hands over Heero's where they gripped his hips, urging him on. The low bed was just the right height. Bracing his feet, Heero accepted Duo's unspoken challenge and fucked him.

The first few driven thrusts burned through his body like divine fire, but it also cleared his head. What the hell was he doing?

Exactly what Duo wanted you to.

And who said that braided baka had any sense?

Heero didn't pull out, but he slowed his thrusts and wrapped an arm around Duo's waist, cradling him close. "I have you, Duo. I'm here."

Duo let out a sob, tightening his death grip on Heero's left hand, still clamped on his hip. "Need you!"

"I'm here." A pattern. There was a pattern, his testosterone addled mind registered. He wasn't entirely sure at the moment just what it was, but it had something to do with Duo feeling safe. Heero had to be in control and keep him safe.

He rocked into Duo's body with a steady rhythm, drawing both of them inexorably toward coming. Duo was crying openly now, and panting how much he needed Heero. Heero released Duo's hip and found the end of the braid, tearing out the rubber band, loosing that hair around them. "I love you, Duo. I'm here."

"Yours Heero. Only yours!"

"Yes." Heero buried his face and left hand in that hair, then found Duo's throat, cupping that upraised chin firmly but gently, holding him fast. "You're mine, Duo, and I take care of what's mine. I love you."

Duo let out a ragged shout and forced himself back on Heero's cock. Heero braced his feet again and leaned into the edge of the bed, wrapping his right hand loosely around Duo's cock and letting him fuck himself wildly to orgasm.

"Trowa never did this for him," Heero thought in animal triumph as Duo screamed and spurted and Heero's own white-hot orgasm slammed through him.

Knees shaking, dangerously close to collapse, Heero withdrew his flagging cock and fell onto the bed. It took a moment to register that Duo had curled up in a tight ball, still crying. Shirt half torn off, hair wild, ankles trapped in his twisted jeans, ass an alarming mottled red, he looked more like a victim than a lover.

"Oh god!" Fighting through his own post orgasmic haze, Heero sat up, looking in horror at what he'd reduced him to. He wanted to cry himself, apologize, beg for forgiveness for such a base loss of control, but instinct was still engaged and somehow that seemed exactly the wrong thing to do. Duo had asked for this, forced this, outright begged for this. Duo had needed this.

Instead, he gathered the sobbing wreck into his arms and held him, rocking him, stroking his hip as if to sooth away the bruises already darkening there. "I'm here, Duo. I've got you. You're safe with me."

That must have been the right thing to say, because Duo threw his arms around him then and kissed him passionately and hard. Heero could feel his heart hammering against his ribs, against Heero's chest. He squirmed closer to Heero, clinging to him, burying face in his neck, trembling all over. Alarm crept back in. Duo wasn't done. He still needed something.

Ah!

"Duo, get me your comb," Heero ordered, his voice low but firm.

With a hitching sob, Duo nodded. Kicking off his boots and pants, he slid off the bed and rummaged in his duffle bag. This gave Heero a splendid view of his ass and long bare legs, on that sent a twitch of arousal though his already sated cock. Who needed drugs when you had Duo Maxwell, he thought. He sobered a bit as Duo turned back with the comb. His eyes were downcast, his cheeks flushed and streaked with tears.

Heero pushed himself up against the headboard and spread his legs. "Come here, love."

Duo clambered up to sit between his legs and gave Heero the comb. Almost reverently, Heero took up the ritual, pulling that disheveled mass back, parting it into sections, carefully working out the tangles. "I love you, Duo. You know I'll keep you safe and give you what you need."

Duo nodded, relaxing noticeably at the sound of his voice.

"My pretty mermaid," Heero went on, babbling any nonsense that came into his head now as he ran his hands over that shining mass of chestnut hair. "You'll let me take care of you, won't you? Next time you'll tell me what you need."

"Dunno." Duo's hand was at his mouth now and Heero suspected he was chewing at an already ragged thumbnail.

Heero reached around and caught the hand, then turned Duo so that he was resting against his chest. His cheeks were still wet. "Stop that, it's bleeding. Relax, little mermaid," he crooned, stroking him. "Relax and talk to me."

Duo took a few hitching breaths. "I-I got scared. I'm sorry about Trowa! I'm sorry for telling you and hurting you and-- I shouldn't have said-I'm sorry! Please, Heero, don't go away again!"

Go away? Gods, was Duo really still this fragile? Heero held him closer. "I won't ever leave you, Duo. I promise. I swear to you, I won't leave you."

"You're not mad at me? About Trowa?"

Heero sighed, knowing he had to be careful. "I'm still confused," he admitted. That was close enough to the truth for now. "I'm sorry I scared you. I still don't handle feelings very well."

"Neither do I," Duo mumbled. "I'm sorry, Heero! You don't need this. I'm such a stupid fucked up-"

"Stop!" Heero ordered, and felt Duo shiver against him. "We're both messed up, but we're strong enough for each other. You're exactly what I need, Duo, and I'm what you need. I will spank you and fuck you and love you as much as you need. Forever. I promise."

Duo went very quiet. What Heero could see of his cheek was very red. "You really don't mind? I mean, Shinigami needing that? Pretty freaky, huh?"

"Yeah. Almost as freaky as Wing wanting to give it to him."

"Jesus. If Treize could see us now, huh? Wonder if he'd still think we were so beautiful and pure."

"Fuck Treize. We never were."

"You're wrong," Duo said sadly. "You were. You were exactly what he said. Pure and perfect."

"No, I was miserable and lonely and emotionally stunted and horny for the pilot of Deathscythe. I was a total bastard, Duo, and a nutcase. You changed me. You made me feel like I'm worth something. Like I have a right to be more than an efficient weapon."

Duo let out a shuddering sigh. "Then you hold that thought, 01. You stay alive or I'll kick your ass."

"How's yours?"

Duo nuzzled his neck and tightened his arms around Heero's waist. "Very sore, inside and out. Just the way I like it."

You're a strange creature, Duo Maxwell, thought Heero, and I'm going to learn every kink and desire to keep you happy. So much for normal.

"Fuck normal," he whispered into Duo's hair.

"Amen to that!" Duo muttered.

Sitting there, listening to Duo's breathing and the lulling hum of the shuttle engines, Heero wondered if this was the sort of communicating Dr. Batoosingh had in mind. He doubted it.

[chap. 22] [chap. 24] [back to pyrzm's fic]