Author: pyrzm
see ch. 1 for warnings, notes, disclaimer

Broken Warriors + Chapter 34
E-Mail

To: Wing@privatesky.net
From: Sandrock@privatesky.net
06 October 198
010:05 pm EST


Are you online? Is this still a 100% secure op line?

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To: Wing@privatesky.net
From: Sandrock@privatesky.net
06 October 198
010:20 pm EST


Just checking in. Really need to talk to you. E-mail if you get this in the next three hours. I'll keep checking.

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To: Sandrock@privatesky.net
From: Wing@privatesky.net
07 October 198
012:15 am EST


Online now. Affirmative on security.

Copy?

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To: Wing@privatesky.net
From: Sandrock@privatesky.net
07 October 198
012:16 am EST


We need to talk. This seems the best way to do it privately. Do you have some time now? Your eyes only.

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To: Sandrock@privatesky.net
From: Wing@privatesky.net
07 October 198
012:17 am EST


Affirmative to all. 02 asleep. Open LiveChat?

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To: Wing@privatesky.net
From: Sandrock@privatesky.net
07 October 198
012:17 am EST


Copy that. Opening chat window now.

+

__INITIATE LIVECHAT TRANSMISSION__ 07/10/98 12:18 AM EST___

Sandrock: I'm here.

Wing: What's wrong?

Sandrock: T very agitated about seeing you next week. How's D?

Wing: Increasingly agitated since you spoke the other day. He's not talking about it. I'm concerned. What's going on? Was going to call you.

Sandrock: Biting his nails and chewing on his hair?

Wing: Affirmative.

Sandrock: Not good. Is he taking his meds?

Sandrock: Repeat. Taking his meds?

Sandrock: Are you there?

Sandrock: Are you there, Wing? Connection is open on my end.

Wing: Counted his meds. He's missed three doses. I should have been checking, but he'd been doing so well. I was careless, lost focus. Will not make that mistake again.

Sandrock: He's hitting a downturn. Seen it before, **MANY** times! Keep a careful eye on him. Odd behavior?

Wing: Much of his behavior is odd by common standards. Specify.

Sandrock: Different from how he acts when you're not worried about him. Different from "good" by GB standards.

Wing: GB?

Sandrock: Gundam Boy. Would you rather do this by phone?

Wing: No, he might wake up. Recent changes in behavior which concern me: Restless sleep pattern. Needs light left on in bathroom and hallway at night. Waking late at night and working in studio with radio playing loudly. Separation anxiety especially seems worse.

Sandrock: Separation anxiety? That's new.

Wing: Dr. B says it is directly related to relationship with me. Perhaps undiagnosed before my return.

Wing: Copy?

Sandrock: Sorry. Thinking. Irritable? Rude?

Wing: Asking wrong person.

Sandrock: Did you just make a joke??? LOL!

Wing: He is sometimes quiet, says he wants time to self, but quickly seeks me out again. Sep. Anx.

Sandrock: I must ask a more personal question. May I?

Wing: Ask.

Sandrock: Has he asked you to spank him?

Wing: What is your purpose in asking this?

Sandrock: That's a yes?

Wing: Very personal question.

Sandrock: I'm sorry, Heero, but it's a very significant emotional indicator with him. It means he's really low and scared. '

Wing: Precipitated such interaction once before, day we left you two in Madrid.

Sandrock: Precipitated?

Wing: Acted out. Goaded me.

Sandrock: Being "naughty"?

Wing: Yes.

Sandrock: Have you talked about that with him or Dr. B?

Wing: No.

Sandrock: Why not?

Sandrock: Wing?

Sandrock: I'm waiting. Important!

Wing: He pushed until I lost control. I am not happy with myself over it.

Sandrock: Lost control?! What happened??

Wing: Spanking and sex. He was happy afterwards. Unharmed.

Sandrock: Sorry.

Wing: No further "acting out" after that. None now.

Sandrock: He will. Or you just haven't noticed or recognized it as such. What did he do the last time?

Wing: Insisted on drinking when I told him not to. Told me to make him stop.

Wing: Could not taking his meds be "acting up"?

Sandrock: Yes, absolutely.

Wing: Loud radio at night could be, too. But he turned it off when I asked him to.

Sandrock: These things build up with him.

Wing: Advise, please! I must be better prepared.

Sandrock: Offer before he demands.

Wing: ???

Sandrock: He uses restraint and pain as a release, and a security thing. Can't explain it, just know how it works. T and I both enjoy it sometimes, too, but don't have the serious need that he does. After serious breakdown last spring, T figured out that D was seeking out abuse from strangers for this release, and that his need had escalated to dangerous level. We made D promise to come to T for more controlled application. Complete safety, but same release. It worked out quite well.

Wing: D mentioned that T had beaten him. How often?

Sandrock: Three times in six months. "Beaten" too strong a word. T very skilled and methodical. No real physical damage. I can send you several websites for information.

Wing: I will not do that to him!

Sandrock: But will you do it *for* him? I think that might have been what he was trying to find out, that last time after Madrid. He was leaving us, leaving safe outlet provided by T, and was probably afraid or embarrassed to ask you straight out for same support. You two haven't discussed any of this?

Wing: No

Wing: He never spoke of it. I felt ashamed. And have no wish to hurt him!

Sandrock: Not giving him what he needs hurts him more, but I understand. Would you like T to continue to take care of that?

Wing: NO

Wing: Can't Dr. B do something? Therapy or meds?

Sandrock: Apparently not. Very deep-seated need.

Sandrock: No pun intended.

Wing: Pun?

Sandrock: Forget it. Bad joke. Help him.

Sandrock: Wing? Will you help him? Need to know.

Wing: Send websites ASAP. I will consider.

Wing: I believe present situation linked to your impending arrival, and existing relationship between the three of you.

Sandrock: Yes. That's why I contacted you. T's problems somewhat related.

Wing: D says he has "thing" for me, as well.

Sandrock: Yes.

Wing: Ongoing?

Sandrock: Yes.

Wing: I'm sorry

Sandrock: Not your fault. Nobody's fault. I've been working on that for my own peace of mind. Not easy, but know empathically that it does not threaten his relationship with me unless I choose to let it. Still a little hard to deal with, though.

Wing: I would never take any action that would hurt you, Q! I will not do anything that would.

Wing: Sandrock? You copy?

Wing: Do you copy, Sandrock?

Wing: Q, please! Copy?

Sandrock: Sorry, Wing. Sometimes I can feel emotions, even at this distance. You just about knocked me off my chair. Give me a minute, please. Don't sign off, please.

Wing: I'll standby as long as you need.

Sandrock: Did it again, Wing! Please calm down.

Wing: Sorry. Standing by.




Wing: Still here. Are you OK? Are you crying, Q?

Sandrock: Better now. I love you, too.

Wing: Didn't say that.

Sandrock: Your heart did. Good friend love. Nothing to be guilty about. I feel the same for you and D. So does T. It's a very good, nice thing. Copy?

Wing: Affirmative. I'm still not used to such concepts.

Wing: But you are right. I hadn't thought clearly about it. Will research.

Sandrock: Research? LOL Just give me a hug when you see me, OK?

Wing: I will try.

Sandrock: Maybe we'll play spin the bottle again down there.


Sandrock: Wing?

Sandrock: I was kidding.

Wing: Copy that. Tell me more about T and the "thing".


Wing: Q? More crying? I will standby.

Sandrock: No, I'm OK.

Wing: D doesn't lie to me. Do you?

Sandrock: OK I am, but only a little.

Sandrock: Re: thing. T thinks he wants you to have sex with him. That's how it appears to him, these feelings he has. It hurts him. He is very guilty and sorry, but cannot shake them off. Always there a little, since time you spent together Earth-side after your self-destruct, but very strong since you returned and got involved with D, whom he also loves.

Wing: T in love with D?

Sandrock: We both are, a little. Love, but not strongly sexual. Mostly just good friends. We've got a lot of shared experience, remember, these past few years. But D loves you and we are very glad for both of you. No lie.

Wing: You all slept in same bed.

Sandrock: Never sex with him. No lie.

Wing: I know. He told me. Loves you two very much. Situation complicated.

Sandrock: Very. Gundam Boys. Never a dull moment. Head hurts.

Wing: Mine, too.


Wing: Still here. Copy?

Sandrock: Another question.

Wing: OK

Sandrock: Hypothetically, if D and I didn't mind, would you have sex with T? Just posing the question.

Wing: Copy. No reply.

Sandrock: Are you angry with me?

Wing: No I'm not. No lie. I think you must feel very sad. If I were there, I would hug you now.

Sandrock: Think of hugging me. Concentrate.


Sandrock: Thank you, H. I felt that. Much appreciated.


Sandrock: T thought it might be better if we stayed at a hotel in Mass.

Wing: No, that will not help them. Come as planned.

Sandrock: What will happen?

Wing: No idea. Come anyway. Copy?

Sandrock: I copy. You're a good friend. I love you, H.

Wing: Apparently mutual. Hear D moving. Send website info. Signing off.

Sandrock: Good night, my friend. See you next week. Signing off.

Wing: Copy.

__END LIVECHAT TRANSMISSION__07/10/98 01:27 AM EST___

[chap. 33] [chap. 35] [ [back to pyrzm's fic]