Authors: Pyro and
Pairing: 1x2, 3x4, referenced 5x6 [past] 2+R [passing] 2+H and 1+5
Warnings: Skellerness (read: oddly placed humor, puns, and way to much
enjoyment out of the English language. Amongst other things) Shounen-ai
(does this count as a warning or a large welcome sign?)
Notes: In the honor of Skeller getting a bunny for her dorm we have decided
to wrangle a plot bunny for Dacia in a sort of 'Hi, you have no idea who
we are, but we want to lick your boots' kind of way. Nevermind that by
this point Skeller wants to strangle said bunny.
Disclaimer: I disown any claim to Gundam Wing. You can sue Skeller. She'll
win and we WILL own Gundam Wing. Go on. Try.
+ Part 1
"You're WHAT?!" Duo screamed, actually screamed. He would say he bellowed,
but as it squeaked at the end, and went up three full octaves, Duo would
be mistaken. Duo never lied, but he had a habit of...extending... definitions...
of more manly synonyms. Tut.
Relena flushed "Really Duo I thought you'd be happy, I mean its not like
anything changed really."
Duo stared at her, just...stared. Several outraged comments were stumbling
and fighting to get out of his mouth, and all that came out was an anguished
bellow that sounded like all those comments smashed together.
Relena was Duo fiancé, they had met as an Anti-Consumerism rally
at Washington and immediately hit it off. They bonded over free-trade
coffee and rants over Coke-Cola and their new advertising campaign, you
know, the one where a man accidentally drops his coke in one building,
and one right over a woman drops her baby, and the one guy grabs the coke
and the other the baby, and the guy with the baby looks like he just made
a terrible, terrible mistake?[.9] Yeah. That one.
Duo was poor by choice, he earned a good deal, but 90% of everything he
earned went to charity. He owned a total of 103 things, including his
one room apartment, all of his clothing, books, CD's, just plain everything.
He had thought Relena was as hardcore about it as he was, refusing
to buy name-brand anything, making her own soap, hell even her own clothing.
Then she went and dropped a bomb like this on him.
It was enough to make Duo rip out his hair, because true to his hippie-esque
nature, he had never gotten a haircut in his entire life. Ever.
"It's not my fault I was born into one of the richest families
in the world. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but..."
"Relena, these are the people we've been fighting, the kind of
people we detest, loath, abhor, have a odium for that is only outshined
by the yellow, yellow sun!"
Relena bit her lip that was covered by designer 200-dollar lipstick, and
brushed her 600-dollar skirt a bit. "I still love you Duo. Think of it
this way, we can fight so much better if we have more money to donate!
Are you telling me you won't marry me over money?"
Duo buried his head in his knees and beat the chair. "You SAW how your
father looked at me. "
"Really Duo, it won't be much trouble to clean you up a bit. When he sees
what kind of person you are-"
"You want to change me now?" Duo looked up, glaring. "You lied
to me. You know how I feel about lying."
Relena clutched her hands in her lap. "I really feel for the cause Duo,
I do, but-"
"But what? WHAT?" He jumped up. "I own 103 things in the world, or I did
until I went and sold the apartment and all my furniture to pay
for a wedding that I don't think I can have anymore."
She stood up. "Don't say things like that Duo!"
"You aren't who I thought you were at all Relena." He said quietly.
"Duo, you work at one of the most prestigious computer companies in the
world, and you're telling me that you're backing out because I was born
He turned and stared at the woman. He was shaking in rage. "It wasn't
that you were born into it, Relena, it's the fact that you're now
sitting there, wearing more money than I have owned all year. You lied
to me Relena." He glared and she blanched "I don't care if you the richest
girl in the entire world, I care that you shallowly took a cause I really
believe in and just... used it." He turned his head.
She bloomed in a fit of rage "HOW dare you! That's it; we're calling
this wedding off. I can't marry anyone as hypocritical as you!"
"I'm-" He began, and it would have been beautiful rant. Alas, the
most beautiful rants tend to get killed at conception.
"OUT!" She screamed. "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"
"I'D BE HAPPY TO!" He yelled back, turned on his heel and left. He picked
up his two suitcases and guitar, stormed down the road and got to a dive
of a hotel. He put his things down, threw off the covers of the bed and
fell onto the sheets.
Damn her, she lied to him, and then had the GALL to call
him a hypocrite. Him! Hypocrite. Lies, all lies. He didn't like throwing
relationship away... he wanted to make this work but...
Not when she and her feather we happily drinking out of crystal tumblers
and letting servants scurry around and just-about swallow the drink for
them like it didn't matter. Hell Relena had all but said she wanted
him just as comfortable with it as she was.
He tossed and turned for a while, but was just plain too angry and hurt
to fall asleep. He tapped his fingers, got up and walked downstairs and
across the street. He needed a stiff drink, and he needed it now.
Thar Be Yoai!
Duo stumbled around for a while, a bottle of cheap extra-dry gin in hand.
Most other bars and clubs hadn't let him in as he was already firmly drunk,
but the flashy one ahead looked promising. He saw bar and went to the
door. No one stopped him and he tossed his empty bottle aside.
Due to his presence of mind fleeing into the wind after the first half
of the liquor, he now didn't notice the fact that every person there was
male. Granted had he been slightly less drunk he would have seen
people in dresses, and might have hit on them (just to show Relena.) Right
now, however, the world was made of glass, hand, lift, drink, slam, and
"Slow down there." The bartender remarked on the fifth shot of whiskey.
Duo slammed the drink down and instead of yelling like he normally would
he slammed his head against the bar. "Stupid Duo, stupid Duo, STUPID DUO."
He berated himself.
"What's wrong?" The bartender leaned over the counter. Again, if Duo hadn't
been plastered like an apartment wall he would have noted that the bartender
was in an open red shirt and jeans so tight that an unfortunate movement
could bring castration in rather quickly.
"Me and my fiancé had a fight..."
"Oh, poor thing, what happened?" The man simpered.
The bartender was flirting with him like crazy, who could blame him? The
second Duo stumbled in it didn't matter that he was in torn jeans and
a t-shirt, drunk as a glass of water in a desert, he radiated sexuality
like over-aged pop stars radiate crazy. He also radiated crazy, but it
was a fun sort of crazy as opposed to a 'grab the shotgun' sort of crazy.
Several people noticed, only one approached. He slunk over to the bar,
sat next to Duo and stared. Duo was too far gone to care if the Queen
of England sat next to him. A Queens were considering the seat next to
him, and his seat in general, but only one had any affiliation with England.
That affiliation would be the underwear they were wearing at the time,
and that is a different issue.
"Lied [hic] to me man, and then [hic] called me a [hic] hypo...hypo..."
"Hippo?" The bartender blinked, leaning closer and trying to catch a smell
off the man that wasn't cheap liquor.
"Hypocrite." The man beside him guessed.
"Yeah man!" Duo pointed to his other half of the OTP. He hiccupped violently.
He started to ramble on for a while; the bartender -much to his great
distress- was forced to start mixing drinks at the other end.
"'Nough to put you off girls..." Duo sighed. "Lying and [hic] bitching
and [hic] stuff."
He yawned hugely and as he fell over he spilled the remainder of his drink
over himself. He slumped onto the companion who stared at the boy, picked
him up and nodded to the bartender. "Put it on my tab."
"Alright, have a good night Heero. Take care of drunk and gorgeous there."
The bartender raked his eyes over Duo so hard it was amazing the boy didn't
Heero smirked a bit, in a way that was dangerous and endearing then nodded.
He would only be too happy to comply.
If This Were
a PWP Duo would be Screwed in Two Ways by Now.
Duo groaned, there was a band playing inside his skull, they were off-tune
and had an over-zealous percussion section. He groaned again and prepared
to roll off of his futon (item 56) and get some willow bark tea.
Except when he tried to roll he found that he was seat belted into his
bed. He didn't remember adding seat belts to his bed, or why he would
be traveling at great enough speeds to need seat belts.... He blinked
and pulled again, this time the seat belt got tighter and oh... that was
far to warm to be a seat.
Duo spun around, heard his neck crack, felt his stomach lurch and something
being pushed to his lips all at once.
"What?" he demanded, pushing the hand and pill away, then wincing at the
level of his own voice: like a conductor's command it made the percussion
section swell in tempo and caused fireworks to go off. This set off a
chain reaction that his stomach should go off and Duo stumbled around
to go to the bathroom and puke. A bowl found its way under his mouth as
he began retching, hands pulling his bothersome hair from his face.
When there was nothing left to throw up he dry-gagged for a few moments,
then fell to the side. "Uggg..."
The pill arrived again, he recognized it as some sort of Advil object
"What do you want me to get?"
Duo waved him off and got up, looked down and almost yelled.
"What?!" He whispered loudly.
Heero was as naked as he was, but it appeared it didn't seem to bother
him. He grabbed the bowl and took it into the open bathroom to wash it
Duo grabbed a blanket. "What happened last night? Who are you? How I'd
get here? When is it? Why am I naked?" He listened them on his fingers
and nodded "Yeah, that's all of them."
"Heero." The man blinked slowly as Duo grabbed a blanket and covered himself.
"I met you at the Crying Jack."
"Crying Jack.' Duo blinked "Wait, hold on, I've heard that somewhere..."
"Newest gay bar in town."
"Gay...bar..." Duo blinked and wrapped himself even more tightly in the
blanket. "Did we..."
"No." Heero shrugged, putting on a robe. "You were asleep." He turned
and looked him over. "If you'd like to fix that..." He raised a single
eyebrow and Duo hugged the blanket to straightjacket levels. "No man,
I'm straight... I mean... jeeze I just broke up with my fiancé...
and... I must have been drunk off my ass."
"You were, but that's alright. It's a nice ass." Heero gave a slow lazy
smile that went higher on one side than the other. It was a smirk imbedded
in a smile.
"Please stop flirting with me." Duo pleaded into his raised knees.
"If you want." Heero shrugged slowly and continued to look at the other
"And stop staring at me like that." He added, peeking out from over a
"Like what?" Heero blinked, for a second flaming far-too-intense eyes
were covered, then flaring open again. Blue shouldn't burn like that.
It was just...wrong...
Heero sat back on his heels and Duo resolutely stared up at the ceiling,
as Heero had not voted to put on any underwear or pants.
"I need to get back to my hotel."
"I'll drive you."
"No, seriously, it's fine." Duo got up and hitched up his blanket and
proceeded to ask the proverbial question of one-night stands:
"Where are my pants?"
I Suspect God
Duo walked down the road and kept his hands in his pockets. After a delicious,
if awkward (for him) breakfast of waffles and tea, Heero offered his small
and comfortable apartment as Duo's abode until the braided and tragically
straight man chose to get a new one.
Duo had quickly and firmly refused and went to find his stuff on the sidewalk
of his hotel.
Oh yay, he was down to 65 total possessions. One of his suitcases was
gone, and an investigation showed that it wasn't in the room. He grumbled,
forked over money and sat on the street-corner.
He was out of a girlfriend, out of a job most likely due to said girlfriend
being the daughter of his ubber-boss, out of a place to live, and now
out of most of his clothing.
Wheee... Life was great out on the Duo Maxwell front. Even his tumbleweeds
were flaming with napalm.
He didn't have a cent on him due to his massive give-aways. He couldn't
afford anything, much less an apartment. His last 35 dollars had just
gone for the hotel.
His mind wrapped around Heero's offer... sure the guy was ga...homosexual...
and had the hots for him, but he had been pretty cool about the whole
thing... Duo blinked. All and all if he did crash at Heero's it wasn't
like he was going to rape him or anything... and it would just be until
he got on his feet again.
No, what was he thinking? He didn't even know the guy; it
would just be clearly and perfectly stupid.
He did tell Heero that he was very not interested unless Heero
suddenly grew breasts (which didn't seem likely to happen, and would be
scary as hell to boob-boot, he meant boot), and the whole background of
Duo + Crappy break-up = Crazy misunderstanding, and Heero had been sympathetic.
He had chattered about his beliefs in anti-consumerism and Heero had agreed
with that, to a point. His place was comfortable looking, but when Duo
actually saw how many things there were he chalked it more up to colors
and placement than actual stuff.
Oh jeeze, he couldn't... but he didn't have any family to rely on, no
friends that didn't already crash at other friends houses, and
he would have to walk 300 miles to get there to begin with... Why
was he always out of options save the one he really didn't
want to do?
I Was Inspe...Expecting You
Heero was reading his paper when there was a slight knock on the door.
He got up, pulled the door open and sunshine and rainbows broke out of
his world. Masculine sunshine and rainbows...you know... uh... solar power...
motorbikes...and...and...uh...skittles. Heero was the kind of gay man
who went "MMMmmm man-flesh." The same way he drooled over a computer RAM
or a bike engine.
You know, the non-lifestyle homosexual.
"Uh...hey." Duo said, holding his stuff.
Heero stepped aside "You've seen the guest room." He offered and then
went to go and read his paper.
It was perfectly self-satisfied smirk that curled his lips as Duo went
to put his meager possessions in the room
Mmm... Even if the guy was off limits, it was perfectly fine to look.
[.9] This isn't a commercial. Yet.
 I'm that kind of gay.
S: I thought you were half-gay.
[back to Singles l - z]