Author: srusse87
Disclaimer: No part of Gundam Wing belongs to me.
Warning: Potty mouth? *snicker*
Pairing: 1x2x1
Author note: I have to dedicate this to my friend Josh, since I can't give him royalties. He was kind enough to let me wake him up early in the morning to pester him with questions about Tequila. Oh, and there is only one more story after this one in the series. We're coming to the end.

Author: srusse87
Disclaimer: No part of Gundam Wing belongs to me.
Warning: Potty mouth? *snicker*
Pairing: 1x2x1
Author note: I have to dedicate this to my friend Josh, since I can't give him royalties. He was kind enough to let me wake him up early in the morning to pester him with questions about Tequila. Oh, and there is only one more story after this one in the series. We're coming to the end.

Happily Ever After... Part V

Worshiping the Porcelain Gods . . .

"Repeat after me, Jose Cuervo is not my friend."

I got as far as 'is not' and then lurched off the bed and dashed back to the bathroom where I proceeded to throw up Jose and all his limes.

I was not hung over. However it was possible that I was dying. In fact I was pretty sure of it.

The trouble with living in times of peace is that you can't just go and shoot a guy in the kneecap if you need to bring him in for a talk. There are these regulations. You have to do things By The Book, as Wufei had sternly told me several times as we stood outside the bar.

Of course that wasn't why I was there. I was the guy Preventers came to when they needed an alternate route for accomplishing their task. I still wasn't allowed to bust any kneecaps though.

Wufei had asked me to come and help him with a guy they needed brought in. Quietly and Without Incident. My job was to go in there and fetch the guy.

A big mean scary looking one. The kind that outweighed me by about three ton and crushed beer cans on his forehead as a party trick.

So we did Tequila shots. Works every time, big guy like that sitting next to a small thing like me. I could hold my alcohol, but this guy was built like a Mack truck and apparently could hold a lot of alcohol too. Eventually though, he was down and out for the count and after paying the bartender I offered to get my friend a cab. We staggered out the door and into Wufei's waiting arms.

Mission accomplished, I got to go home. Heero wasn't terribly impressed with my solution to the problem but it didn't help that almost as soon as I walked in I bolted for the toilet. And had spent the rest of the evening not far from it.

"You're an idiot." Heero was standing behind me holding my braid away from my face.

I threw up once more and then flushed the toilet. "Thanks man, glad to know you care."

That earned me a scowl and my braid smacked against my back when he dropped it. "You know I do, but what if you hadn't been able to out-drink that guy? Not to mention what all that alcohol is doing to your body."

"Wufei was there; he had my back. Relax, Heero. Trust me, it'll be a long time before I pull a stunt like that again." It would have sounded more assertive if I hadn't punctuated the statement by throwing up again.

"So what do you think it was, Duo? The shots of Tequila or the suck of lime before each one? Maybe it's the combination." He paused and tapped his chin thoughtfully, "It could be the salt. Lime, salt, Tequila. Lime, salt, Tequila."

With every word he spoke I had an acute memory of the taste and my stomach lurched. I glared at him, "Asshole." Then I was turning and crouched back over the toilet.

I suspected Heero was mad at me.

I think the selling point when we bought our house had been the large backyard and relative cheapness of the property. I'm pretty sure the attached bathroom to the main bedroom hadn't been a major feature in our decision but I was extremely grateful for it now.

"I hate Wufei." I slumped against the toilet and groaned.

Heero stood in the doorway, arms crossed and didn't look the least bit sympathetic. "I don't see how this is Wufei's fault."

"He said to do it Quietly and Without Incident." I took a break from our conversation so my body could have another go at ridding itself of the alcohol. Heero waited patiently before picking up where we left off.

"So that's Wufei speak for 'go and get yourself completely hammered drinking the bad guy under the table.' I find that rather hard to believe." He didn't look amused.

I started to nod and then changed my mind when the motion sent other things spinning. I swallowed weakly instead. "Well technically he was on the table, but yeah of course. It's like Wufei code. You gotta read between the lines."

Heero just stared at me and then walked out. I made another attempt for the bed and when I got there he handed me a glass of water. "Here, drink this. In sips."

I took it gratefully and then laid down gently, wondering how much longer I had to live. The lights were off except the one in the bathroom. I'd left the door open so the bedroom was filled with a soft glow. I realized Heero hadn't laid down but was propped up against the wall, watching me.

"Hey don't worry; I won't die on you or anything." I squinted and tentatively reached a hand out to pat him on the leg.

He snorted, "Hardly. I'm only worried you'll be sick and not make it to the bathroom. I just washed these sheets."

I tried to protest but my tongue suddenly became thick and I struggled off the bed, not bothering to close the bathroom door as I reconfirmed that drinking mass quantities of anything was a Very Bad Idea.

The bathroom floor was cool and so I sat there, cheek pressed against the top of the tub. I decided that I'd just stay there; it was quite nice and I obviously wasn't going to get much sleep that night. I lost track of time, it was measured only in the rolling sickness of my stomach and the glasses of water I drank only to throw up again.

After a while Heero appeared, carrying several things in his arms. He laid a couple blankets down on the floor, folded in half to make them thicker and then my pillow. Finally he handed me a package of saltine crackers and another glass of water.

"There, you have a pallet to sleep on now. It'll be a little more comfortable than just the tiles. Eat the crackers. They'll help." He brushed my bangs out of my face gently and shook his head. "I'd kick your ass but you seem to be doing a fine enough job as it is." Then with a flick of his finger to my forehead he was gone and I was left with my crackers and blankets.

This had to be what they called tough love. The pillow was nice though.

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