Author - trowacko
Rating - NC17
Warning - 1x2
Disclaimer - I do not own gundam wing in any way, nor do I make a claim to. No profit, no harm done.
Note - don't you just hate/love it when someone intrigues you? tempts you with 'forbidden fruit'? then you're sitting in front of the comp and *pow* you find yourself... on the dark side *hehe*

Play the Joker

King.

The King of Hearts had always been Duo's favorite card. In every deck he ever picked up, even before counting the cards, he'd check to see if the Suicide King lay dormant amid the clubs, diamonds, hearts, and spades. He was the king who ruled over all, the only other entity in his life that might be construed as a deity. The king was his strength at times; in the way it seemed more domineering than the other kings in the various decks Duo'd seen over the years. His face regal, the crown set atop his head, rightly crowning him as a king. Yet the sword looked as though it plunged through his head rather than being held upright as with all the other kings, save the Diamonds.

King, a king so strong, a king thus impaled and alive. Kinda like me.

The cards slipped from his fingers when he first tried to shuffle them. He watched in mild annoyance as a few scattered across the dining room floor. He debated with himself a few moments before hopping off the stool to retrieve the peasants. He pushed the cards back into the deck and set himself on top of the stool once more. He shuffled again, the sounds humming softy in the still air of his kitchen. Cards slipped by his vision in a blur, Seven of Clubs, Three of Spades, King of Diamonds. The cards mesmerized him as once a comrade has mesmerized him during the war. Which card, he wondered, would Heero have picked as his favorite? Another king? Perhaps the solemn King of Diamonds? With an ax instead of a sword in hand? Both were imposing figures. The severe look upon its face did match Heero's too, didn't it? He was the only king looking to the side rather than forward as with the others. Yes, this king was like no other, though he had overshadowed Duo's heart only for a short time.

Spade

Diamond

Heart

Clubs

Weapons of war, weapons in the hands of gamblers. Who better to gamble than a soldier?

You're neither Duo. Who are you kidding? Soldier you became by chance, not training. Gambler you became by default of playing soldier and thinking you could love one.

He shook his head, told himself firmly that it couldn't be true. His hands unsteadily laid out the first row of cards face-down. Once he reached the end of the first row, he moved back to the beginning and doled out another row, stopping at the second to last spot to flip a card upright. No emotion crossed his mind, and his eyes never wavered from his hands as they deftly moved. He continued dealing cards until he had a spread of Solitaire in front of him. For a few moments, he regarded the cards without recognition until lines became numbers, colors blended and fell apart to show the different shapes.

This moment, this one space in every game, was always the same. It had started when Heero had walked in on one of his games. Such an innocent game, merely whittling away the time between missions near the end of the war. Duo pursed his lips as he thought of the game. A small smile crossed his lips and he dealt his first three cards. He laid the Two of Clubs to the Three of Diamonds without hesitation. Pausing, he glanced opposite to him where once Heero had sat. He started playing his game, remembering how that first game had started.

Heero had sat on the chair opposite Duo and merely watched. Duo had tried to concentrate on his game, yet felt as if the heavy gaze fell on himself rather than the game. It didn't help that he'd given Heero the same treatment as a distraction before. The best way to hide one's feelings was to seek cover in the open. At least exposed, they could be easily dismissed. Did Heero know how the game was played? Did he ever hear the hope in Duo's voice when he joked "You know you love me"? Heero had never tried to play the game before, yet here he was, across from Duo, a studious look upon his stern features.

"You can move the Queen of Spades to the King of Diamonds. It'll free up the end for the King of Hearts in your hand."

Duo's hand shook abruptly, though he faltered for only a moment. He held his strength in his hands and now he'd have to give it up. Surely, he thought harshly to himself, you can operate without relying on a crutch! Nodding, he made the proposed moves and flipped over three more cards. He couldn't really make out the shape on the top card of the three he held, let alone the number. His body flushed warmth throughout his limbs when Heero reached out and lowered the hand with the cards. Duo's fingertips turned white beneath the pressure his hand suddenly gave the cards at Heero's touch. The card curled slightly in the tight grip before Heero's fingertips dropped to the table after so briefly touching his. Duo felt his breath tighten, half in fear, half in mad hope. Why he felt such conflicting emotions at a time like this was beyond him. There was no reason, no motive.

Nonetheless, what's the reason for love?

"Seven of Clubs to the Eight of Hearts."

Voice as deadpan as ever, it finally snapped Duo's state. Heero was making fun of him, he had to be. Anger made a bid, and Duo leapt on it like a man drowning. Perhaps he was at that, he reflected as he stood. The cards fell from his hands, yet he paid them little attention.

"I'm playing Solitaire, Heero. This isn't a team effort." The thought that he was overreacting crossed his mind, yet he dismissed it. Before he could make a move to leave, Heero reached up, calmly pulling the Seven off the top of the pile Duo had made. He played the card and stood up, holding his hand to Duo. Exasperated, confused, and - in the dark recesses of his mind - hopeful, Duo reached out and found his hand snugly wrapped within Heero's own.

Duo's room had been closer to the galley than Heero's and it was to this room that Heero led him without a word. The door closed with a finality behind them that Duo wasn't sure he was prepared to digest at the moment and backed away to the bed. He watched Heero silently walk to the chair next to his bed. With a grace Duo was sure Heero was blind to in himself, he sank into the soft chair and sighed. The movements were so liquid that Duo felt his mouth involuntarily water. His heart fluttered as though an animal agitated in its cage - fearful, and desperate. A cold, cold blue glare, long hardened in the frigid depths of combat, fixed on him. It softened until only Heero looked at him. The soldier Duo had first became attracted to melted into the boy he'd felt his heart, his mind, lost to. In that moment, he realized that Heero knew. That he probably had always known, yet did nothing until now. Duo's mouth opened to probably invite his own foot into it by asking, but Heero's eyes silenced him.

"Enough games, Duo." One hand stole out to touch the white knuckles of the hand clutching a tense knee. Duo nearly leapt at the touch despite his desire to clasp it in his own, to let it travel over his skin as much as it wanted to. Heat traced the same pattern Heero's fingertips left behind. Duo watched in awe as Heero slowly moved forward, moving like a cat; predator to Duo's body and mind.

"Heero," Duo whispered. He snapped his lips shut at the involuntary lapse of control. Heero didn't seem to mind, or perhaps he hadn't heard. He half rose from the chair, thumbs caressing the flesh at the inside of Duo's elbows. Knees weak despite the pounding of his heart that should've fueled his muscles, Duo sank against Heero. They fell together onto the chair, Duo's legs easing around Heero's hips. The heat between them built slowly, a languid dance around their limbs as Duo let his own hands rest on Heero's shoulders. He felt like he'd been here before with Heero; that the exploration growing between them had occurred before. His fingers roamed over hardened muscle through the drab green tank top, teasing beneath warm flesh beneath.

The memory shook Duo's hands, forced him to drop a card from the three he'd drawn. He took a moment to pick up the fleeing card, laying the Four of Diamonds to the Five of Clubs. Once down, he drew three more cards and another memory from the deck.

His mouth had been open in awe while he touched Heero's warm skin. Heero had taken advantage of it, kissing him lightly on the bottom lip. Duo didn't hesitate despite the questions attacking him mercilessly. He deepened the kiss, held Heero's head closer, and worked his fingers deep into the surprisingly soft, rumpled hair. How tender Heero's mouth had been. How easily their tongues slid across the surface of the other's. How hot Heero's breath had been over his lips. Heero's hands had been confident, yet unsure in the way he held Duo close, moved enough to allow greater contact. A mild tremble built in his limbs that Duo immediately noticed. He adjusted himself above Heero, letting their bodies whisper closer together. Duo kissed his way down to Heero's chin, lightly raking his teeth over the smooth skin. Heero moaned at the sensation and leaned back. Duo nuzzled the base of Heero's neck, his tongue roaming with increasing pressure. Heero's head fell back and he pulled Duo closer.

Three of Hearts to the Four of Spades

Duo had never been much of a player, yet he knew the game well enough. Heero, on the other hand, fumbled for purchase. His hands were too rough, his touch occasionally too soft. Duo pulled back to catch his breath and look at Heero. He locked gazes with the man he wanted to simply love to see affection peering out behind a thick cloud of fear. Heero's hands trembled and he pulled away from Duo's loose embrace.

"Heero," Duo leaned against Heero's shoulder, whispering. His arms snaked around the soft curve of Heero's neck and he held him close. Heero let his own arms slowly pull Duo closer, though he made no further attempts at anything more. "Heero, what's wrong?"

Ten of Clubs to the Jack of Diamonds

Heero said nothing, letting the ensuing silence whisper truth and lies. He simply sat with Duo on his lap, Duo's legs around his hips, and arms around his neck. Neither moved for a few long moments. Duo shivered at the hot puffs of air against his neck. His stomach fluttered when Heero's tongue started lapping against the exposed flesh of his neck. Heero's mouth worked its way across his rapidly tingling flesh until his lips caressed Duo's collarbone. Duo let his head fall back as he drank in the sensations of lips and teasing tongue.

Queen of Spades to the King of Diamonds
Jack and Ten to the Queen of Spades
flip the next card for the Queen of Diamonds

He could push Heero away. He could demand to know what his true intentions were. He could get up and walk out the door if he had to. Or he could melt in a most welcome embrace. He could shudder at the hesitant touch against his groin. Oh, Duo could melt.

Three more cards, none to lay down

Heero's fingertips traced a firm line across Duo's erection; his lips traced a wet path across the base of Duo's neck. Duo's head fell back, and his body arched against Heero's. He held Heero's neck, confident that his beloved would keep him secure. Or, if Heero couldn't, his love alone would keep him from falling. His throat hurt in the conflict of wanting to moan or speak. Love and desire warred with doubt and mad curiosity. Doubt finally fled along with curiosity, but the madness infected his desire. Love only stood by to watch as Duo writhed against Heero's body. His throat finally unlocked and Duo loosed the moan that had been building behind his lips.

Eight of Hearts to the Nine of Clubs

Heero's motions became more confident after that. His lips grazed against Duo's, suckling the bottom lip until Duo pressed himself deeper into the kiss. Duo reached down and pulled insistently on Heero's tank top until Heero allowed it to be tossed aside. Duo nearly bent himself double when he kissed down Heero's neck. He worked his way to flick his tongue across a rapidly hardening nipple while his right hand kneaded the other softly. Heero's low groan was liquid in the air; something that wanted to be drank. His free hand snaked its way up to Heero's bottom lip, flicking across the surface. Heero pulled his fingers into his mouth and sucked on them, his tongue roving between the sensitive points between Duo's fingers. The mild shock of feeling nerves he hadn't thought would elicit such a reaction forced him to inhale sharply and pull away. His lungs yanked in another painful breath when Heero's fingers danced their way deep into his trousers. His nerves crackled, threatening to spill over the tenacious hold he had on his release. He could feel his breath lock in his throat, trying to inhale and exhale at the same time. Heero leaned forward and kissed him hard, forcing air back into his lungs with his own breath. Duo had nearly fallen in his haste of getting out of the troublesome pants and back on Heero's lap without breaking their kiss.

The cards blurred between reality and memory, a spade melted to Heero's eyes when he slowly pulled away. The game continued, though it hadn't been Duo making the rules anymore. He only drew the cards while Heero played the game.

Mind gone in blind need, Duo could only react. His mouth had warred with Heero's; their tongues clashed roughly, the flavor between them a taste of fantasy. Heero moved Duo's wet fingers between his legs, folding Duo's body as he kissed him. Duo barely felt his fingers flick across his own entrance before Heero pressed two into his body. The sudden warmth around his fingers, the feel of being entered tightened the muscles in his belly, forced his legs to tighten around Heero as he adjusted. His head fell against Heero's shoulder, and he let Heero pump his own fingers into him. Slow, quick, shallow, they moved smoothly in and out of him, sending violent waves of ecstasy throughout his body. Duo could feel his breath tighten in his chest, his free hand gripping Heero's neck painfully. His erection slapped against his arm, the brief touches an agony rather than pleasure. He bit Heero's neck hard enough to cause the other's breath to hiss in pain, though he barely slowed the movements. Heero released Duo's hand, moving both his hands around Duo's waist. The air felt good against his bare skin. Rather than take make Duo stand up, Heero used one hand to hold Duo steady while he rose high enough to pull his own pants down. Duo clung to Heero's neck, a smile on his lips as he rested their foreheads together. He let Heero maneuver him down his body until he felt Heero's erection prod wetly against his skin. Gently, he eased himself back with Heero's guidance; their eyes locked intently together while Duo slowly slid himself on Heero's shaft.

Duo paused, his fingers already around the next three cards he could draw. He could quit now; he could give up since the last few draws showed he would probably lose like he usually did. He could walk away like he did once before... Regardless, he was no quitter. Was he?

Heero's head fell back at being so sweetly sheathed within Duo. His chest hitched with forced breaths when Duo slowly rolled his hips experimentally. He wanted to see Heero's eyes again, wanted to see the love he knew was there before. Duo wanted to be loved and see it while being taken.

"Heero," he murmured as his hands went around Heero's neck. Heero sat up, and rested his hands against Duo's hips.

"Shh, Duo," Heero whispered back. He wouldn't look Duo in the eyes, though he moved up to kiss Duo's lips. Duo pulled back, resisting until he felt Heero roughly grip his erection. The kiss started their bodies moving, and oh, how they moved. Every adjustment Duo made shifted Heero within his body, brushing against the bundle of nerves that seemed connected to his throat, forcing him to moan. The teasing movements weren't enough, and Duo pushed himself away from Heero only to have Heero pull him back. They rocked against each other, rode each other slow and hard. The pain built in his neglected arousal, and Duo sought to attain the ecstasy he'd felt before being impaled. He rose up, setting himself back down, and Heero quickly caught on. He leaned slightly back to allow more room and guided Duo as he slammed himself against Heero's body. Their kiss broke, and there was only flesh driving into flesh. Love didn't matter anymore; nothing else mattered to Duo except to achieve love the only way he knew how right now. He pumped himself onto Heero, his hands clutching desperately around Heero's neck, pulling free the few hairs unlucky enough to be in his grip. He looked at the ceiling, at the way it beckoned him to come closer before he fell back to earth, a piece of heaven he could never reach.

The cards fell from his shaking fingers, and Duo's heart fell with them. They scattered across the floor, each a memory or a damnation. He stared at the faces of the Kings, the Queens and the Jacks. Their faces looked back at him as somberly as he felt. Across the floor, his eyes darted, instinctively searching for his strength. Somewhere beneath the rubble of those he'd buried, they'd buried him instead. He half-wondered if he really wanted to sift through the cards for just the one.

Heero's voice had been harsh and raw; a primal cry of need and desire caught up in a single note that called to Duo. The voice mingled with the white above him, and Duo released Heero's neck to reach for it. He could feel his body breaking beneath him; he could feel the pain of Heero's hands around his waist, guiding them together, harder and faster. It was up there that Heero's love remained, up above him where he couldn't quite reach yet. His hands stretched, and his muscles pulled. Below him, he felt his earth shatter when he spilled himself over Heero's belly. He cried out as he fell back down, away from heaven's mockery. Beneath him, Heero groaned, his body spending itself within Duo. Heero pulled him closer, using one hand to pump the last bit of essence from Duo. They fell together, though Duo was the only one who had tried to fly. He collapsed against Heero's chest, his limp flesh still in Heero's grip. The clear scent of their sweat and lovemaking filled the air with a gentle fragrance that Duo inhaled deeply. It might have been a taste of love, had Heero not the look of doubt in his eyes when he pulled away.

Time to put the cards away, Duo thought. His heart was heavier than the ones splayed across the floor. He hopped off the stool and methodically scooped them up and piled them together. His hands moved quickly and surely, folding up his last game of Solitaire. Once all the cards were facing the same direction, he counted them just to be sure that he'd picked them all up. Fifty-three. Duo frowned. That was impossible.

Duo nuzzled against Heero's hot neck, his legs re-adjusting to a more comfortable position. Heero inadvertently moaned at the movement against his own spent flesh. "Heero," Duo whispered against the other man's ear. Heero didn't answer. "Why," he persisted, "tell me."

A gusted sigh expelled from Heero injected Duo with trepidation. Heero didn't sound exasperated as much as he sounded frustrated. He pulled away from Duo, pulling their hands together to rest on his chest. His eyes were clear and focused, though he still had fear in them. His eyes searched Duo's for the answer even he didn't know. Gently, he kissed Duo's hands and looked up at him, imploringly. "I don't know, Duo," he tried. "I don't know." He looked lost for a moment, completely unsure of himself and his actions. "Can't I try, at least? Can't it just be enough?"

Duo's eyes closed. He could feel the cold cloak of … betrayal settling across his shoulders, sinking deeper until it impaled his heart. Heero didn't really love him then. Perhaps he'd felt that Duo's affections deserved a reciprocation to appease the boy from a broken heart. Maybe the desire to simply taste love at least once, even in the middle of a war, had driven him to seek out any means of affection. Duo could feel his skin crawl with a film that mocked him in its dinginess. He rolled away from Heero, falling heavily on the floor. He laid there, the desire to move suddenly taken away from him in the weariness plaguing his body. Heero started to sit up.

"Don't touch me," Duo hissed angrily. He could feel stickiness seep their passion to the cool, indifferent floor. Back to reality when heaven had called just minutes before. Heero sat still, his face slowly closing back to the smooth expression he had perfected. Quietly, he pulled his pants back up. The sound of the zipper sliding home closed the gate to Duo's emotions as well. Their whole act had been a game after all. Duo pulled himself upright slowly, ignoring the fake concern in Heero's eyes. He jerked his pants over his hips and zipped them up. He refused to look at the other pilot while he made himself somewhat presentable. Heero never stood up, never said another word. Duo walked out the door. He'd come back when he was sure Heero had left.

The cards felt warm, having been in his hands until a few minutes ago. Carefully, Duo turned the deck over and started shuffling through the cards, trying to see which card infected the deck twice. Colors blurred once more, shapes barely recognized as he tried to concentrate. It was so hard though. Not when each offered an image that wasn't its own. Rather like himself and Heero that day.

It had been an hour, and Duo had finally gotten tired of sitting in his sticky clothes in the mess hall. He made his way back to his room, wearily opening the door while undoing his pants at the same time. Heero remained on the chair, in the same pants, the stain of Duo's essence soaked into the tank top. Soiled, they matched each other, a pair of Jacks in tainted robes. Duo shook his head at the hard gleam in Heero's eyes.

"No more games, Heero," he started warily. Heero didn't move for a few moments. Finally, he stood up and offered Duo a single deck of cards. One of the decks that Duo had next to his bed.

"No, Duo. No more games," Heero replied as he moved past the shorter man. He paused at the door, his hand on the doorknob. He didn't turn around, but Duo could hear him clearly. "Give me an order, and I can follow it. Tell me to make a speech, and I'll come up with something. Tell me to say ... I love you, and I could probably do that too. Ask me why, and I don't know how. Even if someone told me the rules, I wouldn't break them - I'd break the game instead." Seconds ticked by without a word from Duo. Heero slipped out the door without a backward glance. Tired and hurt, Duo had simply gone to the shower to wash away Heero from his body and his mind. Cleaning his body was easier than ridding himself of Heero's firm position in his heart. What the hell did he really want, his mind argued, a storybook profession? His mind whirled crazily until he finally gave up, frustrated with himself. He didn't know; the same as Heero, he didn't know.

He never really had a chance to hunt down Heero that day. A battle had started, the catalyst to the end of the war. The only thing that mattered was survival and victory. They had all fought with a passion rarely found outside of war. When it was over days later, the five had only gotten together once before parting ways. Heero had only stayed a few moments to make his presence known before he left. No one seemed to know where he'd vanished. Despondent, Duo concentrated on obtaining work and a place to live the normal life they never expected to attain.

The rain had been soft against the kitchen window, gently tapping rivers that became sheets against the glass. A mere week had gone by, yet Duo had no word from his one-time lover. Today, he only sat with the one thing Heero had given him - which had been his in the first place, he thought wryly. A deck of cards with an extra card hidden among the peasants and royalty.

Perhaps I should've played this deck before.

Eyes wide in shock, cards fell from Duo's fingers once more as he regarded the odd man in the deck. He turned it over to check the back with the back of the few cards still in his hands. The design matched perfectly. He'd always made it a habit of tossing out the two cards that had no bearing on the games he played. Or left them behind for someone else to pick up as Heero had apparently done with this one. He never really thought that the Joker had a place in most games he played. Perhaps, he thought when he saw the name of a security company carefully penned beneath the Joker's somber grin, he'd been playing the wrong games. Sunshine in his heart when it rained outside, Duo dropped the cards, the odd man still clutched in his hand. A chance to stop playing the games even he didn't understand. Forsaking a coat in favor of feeling the blessed coolness, Duo grabbed his keys. Somewhere in the city stood his last chance to finally play the Joker in both of them.

end

*just because it comes from the mind of a wacko, doesn't necessarily mean it's insane*

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