Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. They are the property of their respective owners.
by samuraiheart

Author's note: Okay, this fic has mutated a lot since I first started it, but I guess it's better than no fic at all.

Stargazing

"I'm so glad that classes are over for the day!" Hasakawa said bewteen moutfuls of his dinner.

"Busy day?" Shinobu asked calmly.

"Yeah." Hasakawa nodded as he stared across the cafeteria. His eyes widened and he grinned mischeviously as he caught a glimpse of someone he had just heard something interesting about this morning. "Hey, have you all heard about that guy?" Hasakawa said quietly as he leaned closer to the group and pointed.

"Hey, don't point! He'll see you!" Shun grabbed Hasakawa's hand quickly.

"No, what about him?" Mitsuru wasn't really interested in gossip, but he decided to humor Hasakawa a little.

"He's got a crush."

"Oh?" Shinobu said, nonchalantly glancing up at Hasakawa.

"On his room mate's girlfriend." Hasakawa finished dramatically. He waited for the others to react, but was surprised when they only nodded a little and continued eating.

"That's old news, Hasakawa. It happened last week. Everything's fine now though. It turned out that he actually had a crush on her sister and now everyone is happy." Shun sighed in exasperation. Her room mate was always just a little bit behind on some things. He probably hadn't figured out about Mitsuru and Shinobu yet either. He had known for a while that they were more than friends and he wondered when they were ever going to tell anyone.

"I guess that could have been a problem, though - if it had turned out to be true." Mitsuru added.

"We would never have that problem." Shun said matter of factly.

"What... what do you mean? What's wrong with Mia?" Hasakawa protested.

Shun winced a little. He wasn't really sure how to put it delicately. "Oh, nothing really. She's just not my type."

"What is your type anyway?" Hasakawa had always wondered.

"Well, I don't know exactly. I haven't really found her yet." Shun bit his lip and then nodded confidently, "But don't worry. I will and when I do I'll let you know."

"But it would be a girl right?" Hasakawa said.

"Of course." Shun rolled his eyes and shook his head.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later that night...

Mitsuru shifted a little in the bed as he struggled to fall asleep. He could usually fall asleep fairly easily in Shinobu's arms like this, but there were too many things on his mind tonight. He moved closer to his room mate and closed his eyes. He could hear the soft sound of Shinobu breathing and he wondered how he was able to fall asleep so quickly.

Mitsuru's mind kept drifting back to the scene at lunch. When Shun and Hasakawa were talking about girlfriends, he felt kind of uncomfortable. He loved Shinobu and Shinobu loved him, but they had never really felt a need to tell anyone. Now he wondered if they ever could. There were so many problems that they would have to face and so many things that they would have to struggle with. Part of him wanted to run and hide from this prospect, but another part of him wanted to jump up on top of a table in the cafeteria and shout it to the world. He was not ashamed of the fact and he didn't really care if anyone else was. He just wanted to know and get it over with instead of constantly side stepping the issue whenever it came up in conversation.

He shifted again as he tried to pull the covers a little closer to him. Could he really handle the truth? What if everything changed? He thought about Hasakawa and Shun. He had known them so briefly and he didn't really want to give up that friendship. He felt a knot forming in his throat as he thought about how alone he could be. What if everyone turned against him? What if no one said hello to him or even looked kindly in his direction? They were simple gestures, but ones he had grown accustomed to. What if Shinobu abandoned him too?

He opened his eyes suddenly as that thought took over and he realized what it meant. Mitsuru looked over at his sleeping friend and couldn't imagine a life without him. He sat up slowly as his vision blurred with tears. He let them fall and tried not to make a sound or disturb Shinobu as he carefully pulled away from his embrace and sat on the edge of the bed. He bent his head and stared down at the floor as his shoulders shook with quiet sobs.

Shinobu opened his eyes slowly. Mitsuru kept moving around and he was having trouble staying asleep. It seemed like every time he was about to drift off, Mitsuru would rollover or move the blankets or something and he would wake up. He wasn't sure what was bothering his room mate, but it must be something important. He stared at Mitsuru for a few seconds trying to figure out what was going on.

"Are you trying to keep me awake, Mitsuru? You know we really should get some sleep."

Shinobu smiled and laughed a little uneasily when he realized that Mitsuru wasn't responding. He felt a twinge of guilt as Mitsuru leaned forward and brought his hands up to his face. He couldn't hide the sobs anymore. Shinobu frowned and closed his eyes. He didn't know what was wrong, but he felt bad for not realizing it sooner. Misturu had been kind of distant since dinner.

Shinobu crawled over to the edge of the bed and sat beside his room mate. He put a hand on his shoulder and leaned closer to him. "What's wrong Mitsuru?" He said soflty.

Mitsuru looked up at him with haunted violet eyes. They seemed so empty and the sadness there took Shinobu's breath away. He reached out to touch Mitsuru's cheek, but his friend pulled away before he could.

"Mitsuru..." Shinobu whispered.

"Its nothing Shinobu. You can go back to sleep." Mitsuru said bitterly. He stood up and began fishing for clothes to wear in his closet. Shinobu did the same and stood by the window waiting. He knew where Mitsuru was going. They always went there when there was something wrong, but they usually went there together. He couldn't imagine why Mitsuru would want to go there alone.

Mitsuru glared at Shinobu as he opened the window and stepped back to allow Mitsuru through. He needed some time to think this through. He told himself that he didn't want Shinobu there, but he knew that wasn't entirely true. He stood beside the window and stared at his room mate accusingly as he tried to figure out what to do next. He felt the knot in his throat again as he realized that he was pushing Shinobu away. He was trying to make a reality out of that horrible possibility. He closed his eyes and looked down at the floor as tears streaked his cheeks again. He clung to Shinobu as he felt his arms wrap around him. They stood together for a few moments before heading outside.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a warm summer night. The sky was clear and the stars burned brightly against the black velvet backdrop. Mitsuru and Shinobu sat down near a tree. This quiet place was like a refuge for them. It wasn't far from the dorm, but it couldn't be seen easily from anywhere on campus so they knew they could be alone without worrying about others. Mitsuru took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. He knew this was silly. Shinobu was here with him. He had no reason to be afraid of losing him, but that emptiness had not left his thoughts yet.

Mitsuru leaned his head on Shinobu's shoulder and closed his eyes. He took one of Shinobu's hands in his own and whispered an apology. "I'm sorry, Shinobu. I didn't mean to..." He paused as he felt the tears welling up again. He fought them back before continuing. "I'm sorry."

Shinobu brought his hand up to Mitsuru's face and gently brushed away his brown bangs. He looked into those violet eyes and leaned forward to press his lips against Mitsuru's. It was a gentle kiss, but that was all that they needed right now.

Mitsuru closed his eyes and sat there after Shinobu pulled away. "Thank you." Mitsuru whispered softly.

Shinobu looked up at the stars and wondered what had been bothering Mitsuru. He held him a little closer and closed his eyes. He couldn't imagine ever living with out Mitsuru. His world would be too empty and lonely without him. It would be a world without warmth or a sky without stars. "I love you, Mitsuru." Shinobu whispered.

"I love you, Shinobu."

Shinobu nodded and smiled up at the glowing moon. He ran his fingers through Mitsuru's hair and wished that this night could last forever.

~Owari~

[back to fan fiction]