author: cutter

Aibou

It had been like this for awhile.

It wasn't precisely that Misturu was dissatisfied with the current state of affairs. . .well, ok, so it was that he was dissatisfied. The tension between him and Shinobu had been present for a long time, almost since the beginning of their life as roommates. At first, it had been a small, insistent attraction, and then it had built over time into an almost crackle of electricity in the air whenever they were alone together, so that in the end Mitsuru spent most of his time around his best friend fairly pissed off for no good reason other than that there was no way he could see to diffuse the tension he felt.

Fortunately, Misturu was good at hiding his thoughts. So no one but Shinobu really had any idea what was going on, which was as good. If theirkouhai ever noticed, well, Shun was too oblivious and Hasukawa too self-absorbed (in a rather harmless, adorable way, Misturu privately admitted to himself) to really grasp the situation.

Shinobu being Shinobu, of course, noticed the very instant that Misturu fell for him, probably before Mituru himself had. Yet, even though Misturu instinctively knew that his feelings weren't entirely one-sided, nothing happened for a year and a half. Both of them had trouble getting close to people--hell, they'd gone as far as a fist fight before they'd managed to settle into their friendship. So it was only natural that anything beyond friendship would take longer.

But is was damned obnoxious.

Why couldn't Shinobu just make the first move? For that matter, why couldn't he? Mitsuru supposed it had something to do with the fact that neither of them wanted to give in, somehow. In their own ways, they were both used to being in control. The very fact that they could be equals to each other was what drew them both together and apart.

Shinobu was so beautiful sometimes, it made it hard for him to think. Shinobu was so ennervating sometimes, that it made it hard for him not to sock his roommate in the jaw. Shinobu was so. . .

. . .coming through the door.

"Tadaima."

"Okaeri." Mitsuru turned around to distract himself, and started changing out of his uniform in favor of jeans and his favorite shirt.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is bad, Shinobu thought with perfect calm.

Well, with almost perfect calm. . .okay, so with apprehension. But it wasn't visible apprehension, Shinobu was sure, and that was all that counted.

Mitsuru was going to wear the black shirt.

The tight black shirt.

Fuck.

The black shirt was Shinobu's favorite as well as Mitsuru's, although presumably, he thought, for different reasons. He had yet to see his roommate wear that shirt without wanting to do things, dangerous things like grab Mitsuru and pin him to the wall and. . .he shrugged internally. There were no words that really expressed the totality of what he wanted to do to Mitsuru. Except maybe "possess him." But that was only close. And sometimes he came disturbingly close to letting it show. . .like that time when Mitsuru had made as if to kiss him, to tease Hasukawa. He'd known exactly what was happening; he and Mitsuru were thinking in perfect concert, as always when making mischief. But Mitsuru had been wearing the black shirt all day, and somehow the smell of him combined with his proximity combined with the thought of that tight, muscled chest flexing beneath his shirt had made Shinobu almost forget to pull away. . .for one brief moment, he was close to grabbing his roommate and going through with that kiss.

And maybe ravishing him on the spot, Hasukawa or no Hasukawa.

But he couldn't do that, could he?

Things weren't that simple. He and Mitsuru. . .nothing was ever simple with them. He knew that his roommate was attracted to him. He knew that he wanted Mitsuru, but it just didn't happen--because neither one of them could admit the reason why it didn't.

Shinobu knew his reasons, and they disgusted him. He didn't know Mitsuru's reasons, but he thought he had a good idea.

//I want you to want me only. I want to be the one you look at, the one you come to, the one you come for. I want to own you.//

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shinobu was giving him that funny look again. As if Shinobu found him attractive and repulsive at the same time. He hated that look, but he was used to it. . .except today, for some reason, it bothered him more than usual. Maybe it was the weather, Mitsuru reflected.

His collarbone itched.

The fact that his collarbone was a stupid thing to itch just irritated him more. He dipped his hand below the neckline of his shirt to scratch it, grumbling.

And saw his roommate's eyes flash.

As far as Mitsuru was concerned, that did it. He wanted Shinobu; Shinobu wanted him. So why, for the gods' sakes, wasn't he getting any? It was about time one of them did something. Mitsuru's collarbone wasn't the only thing itching, and hadn't been for awhile.

//Yosh'. Time to start something.//

As usual, he decided to take the direct approach, and figure out the consequences later.

Shinobu barely had time to notice the look of unholy glee on Mitsuru's face (the same look he got when he decided to do anything that probably wasn't a good idea) before a bundle of hard flesh in a black shirt came rushing at him and knocked him to the floor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

". . .Mitsuru."

"Yes?" answered the boy on top of him.

"What exactly are you trying to do?"

//And why won't you do it faster, damn you?// Shinobu privately asked. But no; it wouldn't do. //If I can't be the only one Mitsuru sees, I don't want this. . .he always did call me a possessive bastard.// He schooled his expression.

"Well," said Mitsuru, pretending to consider, "I think I'm either picking a fight or making a play for sex. Either way, I am going to work off some of this physical energy. And I figure, since you're the one who's making me so frustrated, you deserve to put up with it."

Shinobu lifted an eyebrow. "Really." //Sex. With him. Now. I'd be stupid to deny that I wanted it. But. . . .//

"Well, and also the fighting thing seemed to work last time," Mitsuru admitted, "and why try to improve on something that already works?" His tone was playful, but his eyes and the tension in his body telegraphed serious intent and perhaps even a bit of malice.

That was the way it always was with them. When they were fighting, it was a little bit sweet, too; and when they were companionable, it had a razor edge.

Personally, Shinobu found it rather exciting. "No." He tried to push Mitsuru off, and they ended up tumbling and wrestling violently on the floor. The play of their bodies against each other was rough and furious, but it was the touching Shinobu had wanted, that they both had wanted, and he was breathless. But then he was on top, temporarily the victor, and he couldn't quite keep himself from straddling Mitsuru's crotch. "So stop it."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

//Shinobu on top of me. . .gods. . . .// It was perfect, really, Mitsuru reflected distantly. Except that Shinobu was still being stubborn. Damn it, if Shinobu wouldn't give in, then Mitsuru couldn't, and then they'd just be back where they started!

Ah, well. Live in the moment, he told himself, grinning.

He ground his hips up into Shinobu's, playfully. "Why not? You want me."

"No."

Shinobu's eyes could get very hard, but so could his. "No, you don't want me? I'd say it's pretty obvious that's not true." He wriggled his hips again, just to watch that dangerous flash of the eyes. Mitsuru figured that it, and the hardness above him, were making his point. "So why can't you just let it happen?"

With that, he jerked a leg up, throwing Shinobu off, and then Mitsuru had the upper hand. Shinobu's furious glare was satisfied something juvenile in him, and he grinned.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shinobu had always thought that one of his best friend's less charming qualities was his insistent need to know why. Hostility wasn't enough to deter him; Mitsuru would just return it with equal force.

It was why they were a perfect match.

He couldn't believe what he was going to do. "Because you'll keep looking at him," he said.

"Him? 'Him' who?" Mitsuru seemed genuinely confused.

"'Him' you know bloody well who. 'Him' Hasukawa. You know, the scrawny redheaded boy you follow around and tease?"

"Him. . ." The eyes above Shinobu widened. "You're jealous of Hasukawa?! I didn't even know you could be jealous. . .but I'm not going after Suka-chan; he's got Igarashi."

Shinobu couldn't see his own face, but from the way it felt, he decided his look was pretty dark. "You know you want him," he spat. "Your eyes follow him when he walks. You let him cry on you. You think he's cute, and sometimes you look at him and you want to kiss him, and it hurts you. So get off of me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It really wasn't fair how Shinobu could read him like that, when he didn't even know. But. . .it made a sickly familiar kind of sense. He was attracted to Hasukawa. A lot. And he had hardly realized it, hadn't been able to admit it to himself--

//Wait. Shinobu's been refusing to be with me because of that?//

"Bakayarou!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Am I?" Shinobu replied, sounding bored. Thankfully, he seemed to have gotten his control over himself back. As long as he stayed in control, he could get through this.

Except that at the thought, something deep in his belly twisted painfully.

Mitsuru, on the other hand, seemed to be losing control. "Idiot! You did this to me--to us--because I think Hasukawa's cute?! Don't you understand, dammit, that doesn't matter! Because. . .because the one with me is you! Because. . .understand, Shinobu. . . ." His voice trailed off at the end, almost pleading. He sounded, all of a sudden, like a lost kid.

Like he did on visits to the temple. Like a kid who saw something he wanted more than everything else and was certain he couldn't ever have it.

Shinobu couldn't take his eyes off Mitsuru; his face, the hollow of his throat. Heat from the body pressed to his radiated through him. . .he hadn't let himself feel like this for a long time. . . .

"Mitsuru. . .you wouldn't give." Shinobu heaved his roommate off of him and stood up. "You kept looking at him, and you can't. . .you have to be mine, not mine and his. . . ."

Mitsuru still looked incredulous, but his grin was starting to return, just a little tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Don't you get it? I couldn't give before you did. I-I can't do this if you're going to be the perfect one all the time, always above me. . .always in charge. . .but if you're jealous of somebody as pathetic as Suka-chan, then you can't be perfect, can you?" He grinned. "So maybe I have a power over you, too. So maybe we can--"

He was interrupted by Shinobu's mouth on his and Shinobu's body pinning him to the wall.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I give. You've picked your fight," Shinobu said when he allowed Mitsuru to come up for air. If he didn't know his roommate better, Mitsuru would have almost thought that Shinobu was laughing. "Now, do you want your sex?"

Mitsuru was unbearably hot, and his knees didn't seem to be working right, and he was pretty certain he looked like a mess. "Oh, hell, yes," he breathed.

And then Shinobu's body was pressing his against the wall unbearably hard and Shinobu's tongue was in his and Shinobu's smell was all around him. . .he whimpered. //Always knew you'd be a rough lover, you proud, obsessive bastard. Oh. . .I didn't think I could feel like this. . .and you're--you're so close, so close to me. . . .//

The small part of Mitsuru's brain that hadn't shut down with a crash during that first kiss wondered vaguely whether his legs had turned to udon noodles while he wasn't paying attention. Shinobu's body crushing his to the wall was the only thing keeping him standing; he felt his whole body go limp in surrender. Kisses were trailing down his neck, and then a tongue, and Shinobu was pressed against him there, and it was too much. He groaned.

Shinobu kissed him again, mercilessly, tongue almost choking him. He accepted it greedily, feeling heat radiating from his mouth and his groin to points all over his body.

"No noise," rasped Shinobu against his mouth as he pulled away. Yes; the walls were thin. And then teeth were biting on the base of his neck and he was rolling his head helplessly from side to side and biting his lip to keep from whimpering and keening.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shinobu knew he was being ridiculous, possessive, but he didn't care. Judging from Mitsuru's response, his lover didn't object to the treatment he was receiving. He just wanted to keep Mitsuru pinned there, to the wall, to keep that hot, strong boy tight against his body, with him and him alone. He'd have to figure out a way to do this. . .yes.

Mitsuru always kept condoms and a small tube of KY under the corner of his mattress. Shinobu had discovered this their first year, and his friend had responded with an uncomfortable but sexy wink and "What can I say? I'm the eternal optimist."

Later he found out that Mitsuru had gotten tested and passed with flying colors. He remarked on the call from the doctor's office, and Mitsuru said it was nice to know, just in case.

The eternal optimist, Shinobu thought. He ground his hips into Mitsuru and was rewarded with the sight of his lover biting his fist to stifle a cry. //Yes, yes this is what I wanted//

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

//I can't even keep track of it. . .I'm so hot everywhere all over my skin it hurts. . .what?// Mitsuru struggled to get a grasp on his awareness, finally registering that Shinobu was pinning him against the wall with one knee and chest while he undid Mitsuru's jeans, yanking them down violently and helping him kick them off.

"Shin. . .shouldn't we--oh!--the bed. . . ."

"No."

Shinobu's tone brooked no argument, and in a few seconds he didn't care anymore anyway. Shinobu, always perfect, had somehow managed to get his own pants and their undergarments off without letting Mitsuru go, and then there was a hand, hot around his cock and Shinobu's body pressing into him as he rocked and raised his arms to clutch at his lover's back. And then. . .and then his teeth broke through the skin of his knuckles and hot lips and tongue were taking his mouth, his neck, everywhere and he couldn't stand it. It was too perfect. He tried to plead with his eyes, except they didn't want to stay open and it was so hot that a tear streaked down his face.

//Please. . .please, yes, more you can have all of me//

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shinobu grabbed the lube from Mitsuru's bed corner with his free hand as they rocked together. //Yes yes this is what I want, want to be inside of you, so beautiful as you try not to scream// He pushed his lover roughly up the wall, off of his feet, and Mitsuru simply wrapped long legs around his waist and melted into it, returning his kiss fervently.

He wanted to be inside so badly. He had always been good at self-control, but some of the kisses now were to keep himself quiet as well, because the flushed face before him was almost too much and he needed to be inside now.

He released Mitsuru and heard the gasp of loss as he coated his fingers and //yes inside yes you are mine, my true partner I want to be with you in every way, so close I am inside of you//

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shinobu's hand had left him. But now his legs were around Shinobu and Shinobu was rocking against him and the friction was bliss. He was starting to lose track of where 'Mitsuru' ended and 'Shinobu' began, and he hardly felt the wall at his back anymore, even though he was ground impossibly against it with every movement and he thought his spine would be crushed and there were slick fingers behind and below him suddenly. His eyes flew wide open.

Slick fingers, pushing up and inside and it was Shinobu. Shinobu was inside him. Mitsuru arched up and tried to capture that hot mouth again as it sucked on his neck. //hot so close to me inside me inside me Shinobu is inside me//

It was too much; too much it felt like an invasion and what he needed at the same time, and he was aching to be full in a place he had forgotten he was empty. Strong arms were around him and tangled into his hair and keeping him from falling as he let his whole weight fall on Shinobu. And then, and then, there was an even bigger invasion and he was full and it was perfect and he screamed into Shinobu's mouth as he came.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mitsuru was beautiful, Shinobu decided. He was dazed and inside and it was so hot, so hot inside Mitsuru and //Mitsuru's come. . .Mitsuru came for me and his come is all over me//

He started slowly, slowly because he had to stay inside as long as possible, to be with Mitsuru. But he was getting desperate and he was so hot as his sweat mixed with Mitsuru's on his body and he was inside, beautiful. Shinobu began to thrust violently, rocking against his lover and growling, and he was almost there, inside.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shinobu was filling him. Shinobu was hot and hard and Mitsuru never wanted to be not-full again, content to rock into every thrust as Shinobu fucked him raw. Something about surrender was good, sweet. Not like he'd feared. More like his body was melting and he was boneless and sliding towards the floor. . .it was right. Good.

There was one spot, too, one place inside Mitsuru that made him see lights every time Shinobu hit it, and he felt himself starting to tighten again, his cock trapped between their bodies.

Then Shinobu was whispering a name. . .Mitsuru's name hoarsely into his ear as everything seemed to collapse between them and the world was wet, wet and between his legs.

~~~~~~~~~~~

//Mine. . .mine now and I am waiting for the day I will be yours, if anyone can make me belong it's you//

~~~~~~~~~~~

They were in a loose tangle of limbs on the floor. Mitsuru lay limply, sore all over and elated. He would have to tackle Shinobu regularly from now on. . .except the result would be a different position next time. . . .

Everything was sort of hazy, and he was surprised when he felt Shinobu's hand on his cock again--surprised, and shivering. Somehow in the midst of Shinobu's release he'd forgotten he was hard again. . .which shouldn't be possible, but anything was possible with his partner in mischief.

"You think you're done?" Shinobu asked him, with a distinctly evil glint in his eye.

"Can't. . .to-too much. . . ." Mitsuru tried to protest, but his head was lolling again and his body was oversensitized from their sex. . .their peculiar kind of lovemaking. . .and all he could do was respond, writhing helplessly under his lover.

"You're not done." Shinobu's hand moved around hime to stroke the sacs there, tender. "And I'm not letting you up until you are."

Shinobu could be ruthless in his administration of pleasure, Mitsuru was learning.

It was overstimulation; it was too much, and he couldn't handle it, he knew he was going to fly into a million pieces any moment. Nothing had ever been like this before, and--

--Shinobu's mouth was around him, sucking. His hips bucked and he thought he would surely go insane from this. //My lips are bloody where he bit me and my knuckles are bloody where I'm biting them and this is too much, feels so good it hurts I don't know how this can end I'm exhausted but that wet suction and I should be spent but it just keeps going he is merciless he is mine//

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When it was all over, Shinobu licked up Mitsuru's body and planted a salty kiss on his lips. It was heady, and he knew that whatever happened the next morning, they would be able to go forward from this. They were together and honest now, and they were partners.

He felt crazy and powerful and safer than he ever had all at the same time.

They were going to go foward from this.

Mitsuru couldn't move, so Shinobu got them both into the bottom bunk, messy. //I'm safe now with him safe enough to do what I've always wanted I can have my fantasy now because he is with me and we are partners//

//I can have my fantasy now//

"We will go forward from this, koibito," he whispered to his half-asleep lover. And then Shinobu finally peeled off that shirt, that black shirt, and used it to clean off their come; smelled it and smiled when it was pungent with sex.

It felt like flying.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~owari~

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