Author: girl_starfish
Pairings: 1+2, 4+Um -- I'll get back to you on that.
Rating: pg 13
Genre: Humour, attempted romance (at least they try).
Warnings: yaoi, dangerous Manguanacs, reference to ABBA.
Disclaimer: Not mine, don't profit.

Manguanac Attack + Part 4

"Man, Heero, I am so unbelievably sorry about this!" Duo said for the fortieth time.

Wufei sniggered.

This gained the attention of the other occupants of the hospital ward. Heero glared at him, Duo looked peeved, Quatre slightly curious, and the "window-cleaner" who had been hovering outside the window for the last fifteen minutes looked interested while trying not to look interested.

"What?" Heero asked nastily.

"I can't get over the fact that he managed to break your leg," Wufei said. For possibly the twenty-eighth time.

"It was an accident." Quatre, to the admiration of the 'window- cleaner,' stepped in to play peace-maker. "Duo didn't mean to."

If anything, that made Heero glare worse.

Wufei smirked."I guess the perfect soldier isn't so perfect then?"

"I'm better off than you," Heero retorted. "At least I didn't break my own legs."

"I was nowhere near that bookcase, Yuy!"

"Right. Which is why you have how many broken bones again?"

"I can understand you two taking out your dismay at your injuries on each other, but this is getting ridiculous," Quatre said. "You've been bickering for the last half hour."

"Correction. We have been arguing for the last twenty-seven minutes only."

Quatre rolled his eyes. "My mistake."

Duo was fussing, making sure that Heero's pillows were fluffed just right. "Are you comfortable? Anything I can get for you?"

Heero grunted. "I'm a soldier, Duo. Not a child."

"Well, excuse me for trying to help." Listening to Wufei and Heero bicker had not done a lot for Duo's temper. "Here I am, trying to apologise for accidentally bumping you down the freakin' stairs and breaking two bones in your leg -- "

Wufei made the mistake of snickering again.

"And just what exactly do you find so amusing, Chang?" Heero growled.

"Can I help it if the fact that you can survive being shot, self- destructing twice, save the earth, and then get yourself injured by Duo, Duo Maxwell, not even trying, amuses me?"

Heero was saved the trouble of replying by Duo.

"And just why is that so surprising?" Duo asked, moving to sit on Wufei's bed.

Wufei couldn't answer. Duo was sitting on his broken leg and he was too busy trying not to pass out from the pain.

Heero was smirking.

Quatre decided it was time to leave. "We'll let you guys rest now," he said, grabbing Duo. "We'll be back tomorrow!"

The 'window-cleaner' watched them leave, before picking up his mop and apparently speaking into it. "They're on their way."

-- oOo--

"Is it just me -- "

"Wooah! Oops-Sorry Q -- "

" -- or does there seem to be an awful lot -- "

"Yipes! Uh -- "

" -- of sudden bends in this road?"

Quatre finished just as Abdul turned another corner and the American pilot was once more tumbled into his lap.

"There also seems to be a distinct lack of seatbelts," Duo said, picking himself up, only to have the car take another corner and Quatre turn up on top of him.

"It's funny -- the last time I took this limo there were seatbelts -- I'm sure of it."

"Maybe it's -- oh! Sorry -- another limo -- I mean, how many do you have?"

"There's -- oops -- a point."

"Talk about cruel fate -- " Duo sighed from beneath Quatre.

"Huh?" Quatre said, sitting up.

"Think how much fun this would be if I was being tumbled about in a limo with Heero." Duo sighed as he and Quatre were slid over to the other corner. "I've always wanted to have sex in a limo."

"It's overrated," Quatre said.

Abdul drove into a lamp-post."Oh, Master Quatre, a thousand apologies! I'm am so sorry! I have dented your limousine." Abdul prostrated himself before Quatre as the two pilots surveyed the damage.

"It's just a car, Abdul. At least no-one was hurt," Quatre said, trying to reassure him.

"I will never forgive myself, never!"

Duo had used Quatre's cell-phone to call a mechanic. "Tow truck will be here in a minute. You want me to call a cab?"

"We can wait," Quatre started.

Abdul snapped out of his misery. "You two must get home!"

Duo and Quatre blinked at him, startled by his vehemence.

"Why? What's the matter?"

Abdul hastily sought an excuse. He couldn't tell them that the success of the Manguanacs carefully laid plans rested on it -- "I would feel terrible if my carelessness were to cost you an evening. Please, go home and enjoy yourselves. I shall take care of the car."

"Well, if you insist," Quatre said, with his trademark smile.

Duo lost no time in hailing a taxi. "By the way, Q," he said as he held the door open for Quatre -- a point in his favour, though Abdul -- "Did you mean what you said before? About having sex in a limo?"

Quatre laughed. "I'm afraid not. But everyone always tends to assume I'm some sort of angelic figure -- I like to shatter those illusions."

"You fooled me," Duo said, climbing into the taxi after him.

Abdul sighed as the taxi pulled away. "I hope Rashid and the others have better luck -- "

-- oOo --

Rashid frowned as he noted a taxi pull up outside the Winner Estate and Quatre and Duo emerge. What had happened? Where was Abdul? He needed his deputy at a time like this. Still, he couldn't despair! Not when Quatre's love life depended on it!

"Places everyone!" he ordered.

The Manguanacs grabbed various items of cleaning equipment and dispersed.

"Oh, Master Quatre!" Rashid said, as Quatre and Duo entered the house. "We had no idea you would be back so soon!"

"Is there a problem?" Quatre asked as Duo headed off to his room.

"No problem. Only we thought that today would be a good time to clean the entire house and well, we haven't quite finished. I'm afraid that you will find things a bit chaotic."

"Don't worry about it," Quatre said. "I can cope with a bit of noise."

A bit of noise, yes.

A lot of noise --

Quatre sighed and abandoned his office. Efficient household cleaning had obviously not been included in the Manguanacs's training. The soldier vacuuming his office had been there fifteen minutes and showed no signs of being finished. He was glad to enter the relative calm of his room -- Only to find his entire wardrobe covering the floor and the bed, as the Manguanacs argued over whether his suits should be arranged according to colour or cost. In the library they were putting the books in reverse chronological order -- in short there seemed to be no where in the house where he could relax in quiet.

He met Duo in the hall. "Have they driven you out of your room too?" he asked.

"Driven, nah. I got tossed out for distracting the work-force," Duo sighed. "All I did was ask if you really used a mop on carpet -- "

"We might as well see if there's anyone in the lounge," Quatre said. "If not, I suppose we'll have to go out."

Surprisingly, the lounge was free.

"All right!" Duo said, draping himself over the sofa. "Peace and quiet!"

Quatre looked around the room. "I wonder what happened to the other chairs?"

"Ah, they're probably being washed or something," Duo dismissed them. "Well, Q, got any good videos?"

The video player was the only object, apart from the sofa, left in the room. Quatre opened the video cabinet and paused.

"All of the videos seem to be gone -- except this one." He held up Muriel's Wedding.

"A chick-flick?" Duo eyed it dubiously. "Is it any good?"

"I don't know -- I wasn't even aware I owned it," Quatre said. "Shall I put it on?"

"It's better than nothing."

Quatre slid the video in and took his place on the sofa by Duo, both unaware that their every movement was closely monitored.

-- oOo --

"And dim the lights -- now!"

Operation 'Night In' was running with all the precision that the Manguanacs brought to their military manoeuvres. Upstairs in the Command Centre (Rashid's bedroom), the Manguanacs clustered around the monitoring equipment, jostling each other to try and achieve a good view. Ahmad, appointed deputy in place of the still absent Abdul, was orchestrating the love affair with the flair of a composer. "Dim a little more -- perfect! Now -- send in the cleaners!"

-- oOo --

"My my!" Duo sang, striking a pose and singing along to the movie. "At Waterloo Napoleon did surrender!"

"Oh yeah!" Quatre struck a corresponding pose. "And I have met my destiny in quite a similar way."

"The history book on the shelf -- "

"Is always repeating itself!"

They giggled, singing along to the chorus. "Waterloo -- I was defeated, you won the war! Waterloo -- Promise to love you for ever more! Waterloo -- Couldn't escape if I wanted to! Waterloo -- knowing my fate is to be with you -- woo-oo, Waterloo -- finally facing my Waterloo!"

"You know Q -- this is a great movie," Duo said. "I can't remember when I've had this much fun just watching a movie." He sighed, thinking about the impossibility of getting Heero to watch a video with him.

"Me either," Quatre said, thinking of lonely evenings with only the Manguanacs for company. "I'm glad you're staying here -- "

Assorted Manguanacs burst through the door carrying dusters. "Don't mind us," they said. "We won't be a minute."

They shot round the room, dusting surfaces quickly. Rashid put the real operation underway. "Oh my!" he said, pointing at the end of the sofa where Duo sat. "I do believe there is dust under this sofa."

The Manguanacs recognised their cue. Two of them lifted that end of the sofa -- incidentally sending Duo sliding down the other end -- while another frantically dusted beneath. That done they put the sofa down and exited hurriedly -- mission accomplished.

Duo and Quatre hardly noticed -- a fact that might have something to do with their discovery that Duo was now sitting in Quatre's lap.

"Uh -- " said Quatre. "How did that happen?"

Duo swallowed. "I don't know -- " he said. For some reason he didn't particularly feel like moving.

"Oh," said Quatre who had a mysterious urge to blush.

"You know, Q," Duo said, in a voice little more that a whisper. "I -- uh -- "

"Yes?" Quatre asked, leaning closer to Duo to catch the hesitant words.

Duo said nothing but leaned closer to Quatre.

-- oOo --

"This is it!" Rashid crowed. "They're going to kiss!"

The Manguanacs cheered. One of them tapped Ahmad on the shoulder. "Should I open the champagne?"

Ahmad wiped away tears of joy -- his direction had been a success! "Not yet -- just a few minutes more."

The Manguanacs leaned over the screen with breaths held.

No one was watching the security screens -- so no one noticed the front door open and close.

-- oOo --

Duo hesitantly brushed Quatre's fringe aside as he moved in to take his lips. Quatre's hands tightened around Duo's neck -- time seemed to freeze as the two boys neared their goal. They were so close now, their breath warmed the other's cheek --

The lounge door slammed open. Duo suddenly found himself on the floor.

"Trowa!?"

Trowa glared at the occupants of the room.

"Nice to see you're back," Quatre said. "I'm a little surprised that no-one told me you'd be getting back tonight -- I would have sent someone to meet you at the airport -- "

"No-one told you, Quatre, because no-one made any travel arrangements," Trowa growled. "I would still be stranded in Siberia now if one of Howard's operatives hadn't been in the area and given me a lift back."

"What were you doing in Siberia?" Duo asked, getting off the floor.

In answer Trowa sneezed.

Quatre's maternal instincts instantly surfaced. "That doesn't sound too healthy. Duo, go fetch Trowa a blanket. I'm going to boil the jug."

-- oOo --

The Manguancas watched in grim silence as Duo and Quatre fussed over Trowa. There would be no make-out sessions tonight.

Ahmad was in tears again, and had to be taken home. Rashid was in a terrible mood.

"This is a disaster! Master Quatre will never find happiness!"

"Don't say that," Abdul said. He'd finally arrived back. "This is only a temporary setback. Trowa Barton will be taken care of -- nothing is too much for Master Quatre's happiness."

The remaining Manguancas nodded. Trowa Barton had crossed the line -- this was war.

-- oOo --

[part 3] [part 5] [back to girl_starfish's fic]