Trowa's Inbox (cont)

--oOo--

To : one-eyed@OZ_RULZ.com

From : Hooknose@butt_ugly_scientists.kom

Subject : Re: {no subject}

Trowa,

That is an exkellent suggestion. Widen the mission parameters to inklude staples as well.

By the way, you're kertain you've been vakkinated against every disease known to man?

Doktor S.

--oOo--

To : Doctors & Pilots;

From : CallMeOnna&Die@Have_scapel**Will_use_it.com

Subject : Vaccinations and alcohol don't mix.

To everyone,

I just thought I'd run over a common medical fact; alcohol and injections are not a good combination. Pilots 2 & 5 are seemingly unaware of this, as is Miss Peacecraft (how did they manage to get her drunk? She didn't even need a vaccination). BTW, we may have a problem. A few hours ago Quatre suddenly yelled ‘That is IT! No more bloody Decaf!' and stormed out of the safe house.

He has not been seen since although the local television station reports a violent gang storming the town's coffee houses. I suggest everyone keep a low profile. The Maguanacs are hiding under various beds.

Sally Po.

--oOo--

To : one-eyed@OZ_RULZ.com

From : pink_dragon@~~ONNA~POWER~~.com

Subject : I like flowers.

I have decided to stop being a Gundam pilot. War is icky and not nice. I am going to buy a farm and grow flowers instead.

Injustice! We have run out of Jack Daniels.

Chang.

--oOo--

To : one-eyed@OZ_RULZ.com

From : Death_Rocks@BLACK_IS_BACK.net

Subject : Changed my mind.

I just thought I'd let you know I'm no longer interested in dating Heero. I've fallen in love with my car.

BTW, pacifism can go to hell.

Relena.

--oOo--

To : one_eyed@OZ_RULZ.com

From : Death_Baby@theomaniacs_and_proud.com

Subject : Hungover.

Man, my head feels like its been trampled by all five Gundams and the Manguanac corps. And my butt hurts (from the injections). This sucks. Plus Relena is in the shower hogging all the hot water trying to get the black dye to come out of her hair. I personally thought she looked rather good as a gothic chick, but I need to get into the bathroom to retrieve the nail polish remover. Hot pink nails are just so not Shinigami.

Wufei's also woken up. I think this is the first time he's had a hangover; he kept muttering something about ‘weakness' and ‘onna' and ‘failure to keep the honour of his colony.' I had to talk him out of committing ritual suicide to repair his damaged honour and gave him a couple of aspirin. I should go check on him. I don't know what he's going to do when he finds out he subscribed to the Spice Girls mailing list.

BTW, heard from Quatre? We haven't seen him since yesterday.

See you,

Duo, god of hangovers.

--oOo--

To : All Doctors and Pilots;

From : notweak@extremely_manly_dragons.org

Subject : Ignore any previous e-mails.

Ignore any e-mails I sent last night. If you have received one but not read it already, delete it. If you have delete it anyway. If I find any of you have forwarded it to that vindictive she-demon, Sally Po, I will hunt you down and torture you in such a way as to make the Spanish Inquisition look like a Brady Bunch episode.

Master O, I am extremely ashamed of my weakness and will not allow it to happen again. Duo and I have removed anything resembling alcohol from the safe house and promise never to listen to ‘If you want to be my lover' ever again.

Chang.

BTW, is itchiness a common symptom of hangovers?

--oOo--

To : All Doctors and Pilots;

From : Heero's_girl@pink-a_way_of_life.net

Subject : Change of location.

Hi everyone!

Please ignore any e-mails you may have received from me last night. I was not myself. If Heero got one of them, could you please tell him I didn't mean it? I think he's a lot more attractive than my car.

BTW, I'm leaving for Paris and an emergency makeover immediately. I'm not fit to be seen by anyone, let alone Heero, at the moment.

Relena.

--oOo--

To : All personnel;

From : Treize Kushenedra {Man*I'm*Sexy@meglomaniacs4world-domination.com}

Subject: This is getting ridiculous

First of all, paper clips disappeared from my office. Now I can't find a staple to save my life and Une is changing personalities if someone looks at her ‘funny'. This is not good enough, people. I'm placing a guard outside my door 24 hours and from now on if you want stationary you must obtain a permission slip from your commanding officer.

This has got to stop. The future of OZ depends on it.

Treize.

--oOo--

To : one-eyed@OZ_RULZ.com

From : EVIL_LIVES@highly_caffienated.com

Subject : MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

ALL YOUR MOCHA ARE BELONG TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

--oOo--

To : one-eyed@OZ_RULZ.com

From : Death_Baby@theomaniacs_and_proud.com

Subject : Isn't it Ironic?

You won't believe this - man, I can't stop cracking up. Wufei went around yesterday complaining of itchiness and now he's all spotty - guess who's got Chicken Pox?

G2g - he threatened to kill me if I told anyone.

Duo.

--oOo--

To : one-eyed@OZ_RULZ.com

From : Hooknosed@but_ugly_scientists.kom

Subject : Mission parameters.

You're making very good progress with the mission. A kouple of the doktors were wondering . . . would you mind installing a spy kamera in Kolonel Une's shower? We feel that this would be essential to monitoring the base and OZ.

S.

--oOo--

To : one-eyed@OZ_RULZ.com

From : Death_Baby@theomaniacs_and_proud.com

Subject: FINALLY!!!

Hee-chan's back! And we're going on a mission! Isn't that great?

Still no sign of Quatre although someone keeps phoning us, breathing heavily down the phone line but not saying anything. Weird.

Anyway, we're outta here!

Duo the great destroyer.

--oOo--

To : one-eyed@OZ_RULZ.com

From : Hooknosed@butt_ugly_scientist.kom

Subject : Re: Perverted old men.

Do we take that as a no?

--oOo--

To : one-eyed@OZ_RULZ.com

From : notweak@extremely_manly_dragons.org

Subject : Maxwell's pernicious lies.

Barton,

It has come to my attention that Maxwell might have been spreading pernicious rumors to the effect that I have Chicken Pox. This is not true. I merely have a very high priority mission that requires I stay in bed for the next few days. I am not sick especially not with such a wussy disease.

BTW, would you mind sending me some aspirin and baking soda if you get the chance?

Chang.

--oOo--

To : one-eyed@OZ_RULZ.com

From : Heero's_girl@pink-a_way_of_life.net

Subject : Re: I don't like you at all. Not one bit.

Dear Trowa,

I must say I was surprised to receive your e-mail. Especially since all it consisted of was you telling me you couldn't stand me. But I thought about it, and realised that you're strong, anti-social, a terrorist, and somewhat attractive. Do you want to get lunch some time?

XXXXX

Relena.

--oOo--

To : one-eyed@OZ_RULZ.com

From : inteligent_blonde@tea-drinkers.org

Subject : Re: Take me, darling.

Dear Trowa,

I'm back. The caffeine seems to have worn off but the Maguanacs are still refusing to come out from under their beds and too sudden movements make me jumpy. One entire town seems to have vanished from the face of the earth, but the earth had too many towns anyway. Wufei seems to have developed some really bad acne too, but that's beside the point.

Did you mean what you said in that last e-mail? If so, do you want to get married first?

Love Quatre.

--oOo--

To : one-eyed@OZ_RULZ.com

From : notweak@extremely_manly_dragons.org

Subject : Re: Spank me.

Barton,

What is the meaning of this injustice?

Chang.

--oOo--

To : one-eyed@OZ_RULZ.com

From : Death_Baby@theomaniacs_and_proud.com

Subject : Surprise!

Hey Trowa,

Checked your sent items? Me and Heero's mission turned out to be infiltrating an OZ base to steal some information so while Heero was hacking through the base fire wall I amused myself by hacking into your e-mail account and sending a couple of harmless messages. BTW ‘Heavyarms' is not much of a password.

Have fun!

Duo.

--oOo--

To : All personnel;

From : Treize Kushenedra {Man*I'm*Sexy@meglomaniacs4world-domination.com}

Subject : Aborted Mission.

All soldiers involved in the planned raid on Rebel territory to take place at 14:00 hrs today are informed that this raid will not be taking place. Instead all staff are requested to join Colonel Une's office staff in searching for the missing pages of the attack plan that have, due to the paper clip shortage, been misplaced.

Colonel Une will not be joining us. She is in the medical bay suffering from the accumulation of recent stress. I'm sure you will all join me in wishing her a pleasant sabbatical and we hope that she will be off the sedatives soon.

Treize Kushenedra.

--oOo--

To : one-eyed@OZ_RULZ.com

From : Shinigami's_boy-toy@stalked.com

Subject:Mission Accomplished.

Trowa,

It will come as no surprise to you, I'm sure, to learn that Duo is currently in hospital. Apparently Quatre wasn't as over the caffeine as he thought. Hopefully we'll have a week of peace and quiet while Duo's leg mends. I'm quite impressed - Quatre managed to break it in three places using his bare hands. That must have been some message Duo sent him. What was in it?

Heero.

PS. A large convoy of pink passed through here a few days ago, on its way to all the OZ bases in the area. I think Relena might be looking for you.

-end

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