Warnings : Yaoi, fluff, sap, OOC, Heero POV, limey overtones.
Thanks to Christy for beta reading at the drop of a hat!
This little work of gooey fluff is the total responsibility of Lev of Lev's Lair. Challenge MY ass will you! HA, I say! I can write short... you never said it had to be GOOD!
Feed-back...? I'm not sure I want to hear about this little sucker. Fluff... I wrote fluff.
I thought I owned Gundam Wing. But I've looked everywhere and can't find the paper work. So I guess they aren't mine after all.
By: Sunhawk

Doubts

I suppose you could say I noticed it before I actually thought about it enough to realize something was odd.

I work with the Preventers, and my hours are sometimes long. Duo works in construction and is usually home before me. We've lived together since the end of the war. It took us a while to settle into the life we have now, I resisted the lure of the Preventers at first, before facing up to the fact that it truly was the place for me. Duo bounced from job to job, trying a little bit of everything before settling on construction. He found the hard physical labor helped him deal with the sudden changes in shall we call it... lifestyle?

It had rather surprised us both, I think, when the war had ended and our previous... physical relationship had blossomed and taken root. He had shocked the hell out of me one night by moaning his love for me in the throes of passion. It had been an odd... relief to suddenly understand that we were going to stay together. That the future was not something either of us was going to have to face alone.

We got jobs. We bought a house. We shared the mundane chores that I had expected to hate and instead found that I loved. We were building a life, it made those things... wondrous instead of tedious. Who the hell would have thought?

Duo did most of the cooking because he was usually home first. I did most of the laundry because it balanced. We shared everything else, because we loved this strange, new domesticity... but scrubbing toilets still sucked.

We developed routines and I thrived on that. Order and regulation; that's what makes the world go round. Duo had chaffed a little at first, during those early months, but his new job was so physically taxing that I found he had calmed and was finally settling down. His massive amounts of excess energy had found an outlet and he had mellowed into a wonderfully comfortable partner.

As I was saying, I noticed something was... odd, before I really noticed it.

Duo usually has supper on the table when I get home at night. I call him when I leave the office so he knows what time to expect me, since it's seldom the same time two nights in a row. The first night that I can look back and truly say I noticed a slight change in the routine, I arrived home to find Duo on the computer and no supper on the table.

"Shit!" he blurted as I walked through the front door and he shut down whatever he'd been working on, dashing for the kitchen. "Man... I totally lost track of time! Sorry about that, I'll have something thrown together here in a few minutes. Why don't you go ahead and shower, I should have something ready by the time..."

I had been trailing along behind him and finally managed to catch up when he stopped to open the refrigerator. "Would you stop babbling long enough to kiss me hello?" I teased.

He laughed and I kissed him. He drew away after a moment to look at me critically, eyes roaming over me, taking inventory.

"All in one piece?" he smiled. This was part of his routine. He had asked me the same question every night since I'd taken the job with the Preventers. He hadn't been altogether thrilled when I had accepted the position. They had pursued him too, but he had flat out refused, telling Sally Po and Commander Une in no uncertain terms that he was done with fighting, done with all of it. I think he would have been happier if I'd been done with it too. He asked this question every night in the same light, bantering tone, but the concern was plain in his eyes.

"You worry too much," I informed him, the same response I made every night.

He kissed me lightly, just as he always did, and sent me off to the shower.

So, I noticed... but I didn't.

Supper was on time the next night, but Duo was on the computer again when I got home. It was becoming part of the routine. But I still didn't think much of it until I finally realized that he never used the system after I got home, and whatever he was doing was shut down the minute I walked through the door.

Call it Preventer agent instincts, but as soon as I noticed... I became curious.

So a week or so later, after supper, while he was in the shower, I sat down at the computer and proceeded to look through the system logs and found... nothing. Nothing to account for any on-line time. No new files on the system. Nothing. How... odd.

I made a point the next night of coming home a bit early, but he must have finished when he heard the car in the drive and, as usual, was just getting up from the computer desk when I walked in. Again there was nothing. At all. It wasn't possible that there would be no trace of any activity; it meant that he was editing the logs.

I felt... strange. We'd never had secrets from each other before. But... I wasn't sure this actually constituted a secret. My curiosity was more than just peaked, it was on fire.

We made love that night and I found myself watching for signs of some distance. For signs that there was something wrong between us. It seemed a stupid concern as he was writhing beneath me, as he was shouting my name and rising to meet my thrusts, but I couldn't quite banish the nagging feeling that he was deliberately hiding something.

I tried to forget about it, but the seed had been planted and I had to know. I tried the direct approach.

"You on the computer again?" I teased as I came through the door. "Not spending our life savings on Ebay?"

His smile seemed open enough, but I noticed his hands never hesitated in closing down whatever was on the screen. "Hey!" he laughed. "I only overbid that one time, and it wasn't that damn much!"

He came to greet me with a kiss before heading off for the kitchen. "If you weren't done," I ventured, "dinner can wait."

He seemed a little flustered, and I swear there was a faint flush to his cheeks as he glanced over his shoulder at me, before disappearing into the kitchen. "No... all done."

He was so ill at ease, in fact, that he forgot to ask me if I was in one piece. I was, oddly... hurt.

I poured over the logs while he finished dinner and again, frustratingly, found nothing.

It began to nag at me. Nothing really seemed amiss... but I couldn't help conjecturing about just what he was doing that he felt compelled to hide from me. There weren't a lot of things I could think of that would keep him occupied day after day that he would need to conceal from me. If he were shopping for a gift for me, it certainly wouldn't take him weeks to do it, and there was no occasion that we observed coming up for months yet anyway.

The next night I parked the car on the street instead of pulling into the driveway and managed to surprise him. There was a rather shocked look on his face as he stuttered, 'Heero! I didn't hear you pull up!' He quickly deleted and closed as I came across the room. I thought he was going to knock the chair over standing up.

"The neighbor's cat was laying in the driveway," I lied, wondering at the possibilities of moving the computer desk closer to the front door. Though he tried to seem nonchalant, it was fairly obvious that he was disconcerted and off-balance. I set the dinner table while he finished cooking and then I slipped back to the computer.

He had managed to wipe his tracks even in the bare time he'd had, but he'd been a little sloppy in his haste and I found an indication that he'd been using a web cam. A small enough clue... but all I had.

A web cam. What in the hell? My curiosity turned to trepidation. For the first time, I was... a little afraid of what was going on here.

Things seemed fine at dinner; we ate and told each other about our separate days, continuing telling our tales while we cleaned up together. Things seemed very... normal. We watched a little television and went to bed. Nothing out of the ordinary from most of our evenings.

Later, while he was still regaining his breath, while I was still lying between his thighs, I whispered, "Are you... happy?"

He blinked up at me, the question catching him completely by surprise. "Of course..." Then something dark flickered behind his eyes. "As... as long as we're together. Are... are you happy, Heero?"

I saw what my words had implied and smiled for him. "Very happy," I assured him and was rewarded with a beautiful smile.

We cleaned ourselves up and lay down to sleep, me on my side of the bed and he on his. I heard a small sigh as he settled there, a sigh that I realized I heard every night and I found myself wondering about it.

I need my space at night. I've never been able to sleep with someone too close. I think sometimes that this bothers Duo, but he's never said anything and I know he understands.

I watched him sleep that night and wondered. I thought about those tiny sighs. I thought about the look of doubt that clouded his eyes sometimes. I thought about the feel of his body, wrapped around mine and the way his striving sometimes seemed almost... frantic.

I ordered the monitoring software the very next day. I had found in the small hours of the night that there was a large part of me that would be crippled beyond healing if Duo wasn't there with me. And I suddenly was having doubts... fears about just what was going on in the afternoons on our computer.

I paid for the expedited shipping but it would still take two days. I took half a vacation day the afternoon I placed the order, surprising Duo when he came home from work. He seemed genuinely delighted, even more so when I told him we were ordering pizza, that he wasn't cooking.

He grinned at me like a little kid on Christmas morning. "What's the occasion, Heero?"

"I just realized how much I've been neglecting you," I told him warmly and went to take him in my arms.

The statement brought a flush of warmth to his cheeks, but he raised his hands to fend me off. "I just spent nine hours on the roof of a house, lover," he chuckled lightly. "You don't want within a yard of me."

"I don't care," I told him and swept him into my arms anyway, muffling his surprised gasp with my kisses.

I took him to the shower and washed his hair for him, combing it afterward. I made him stretch out on the bed while I ordered the pizza, coming back from using the kitchen phone to massage his sore back while we waited for it to arrive.

"You've been carrying double loads up the damn ladder again, haven't you?" I accused, feeling the tightness under my hands.

All I got was a whimpering little sound that might have been an affirmative or might have been something in Mongolian. I couldn't tell.

When the pizza came, I brought it to the bedroom and we ate in bed. He was positively speechless, watching me with eyes as wide as saucers.

When we were done, I cleared the mess away and slipped into bed with him, propping up against the headboard and pulling him into my arms to rest with his head pillowed on my chest. There was a strange little silence and he suddenly blurted, "Ok... who the hell are you and what have you done with Heero Yuy?"

I snorted, though the remark made me feel... faintly guilty. "I just feel like you haven't been getting much of my attention lately. I've been working late so much."

He raised his head a little to look up at me and there was something in his eyes that tugged at my heart. "You're spoiling me... I could get very used to this," he murmured softly.

"Maybe you deserve to get used to this," I told him tenderly.

Something washed over his face then, some unnamable emotion that spoke to me of need and fear, hope and wonder. "God... I love you," he whispered and I bent to claim his lips with my own. I made love to him that night with gentle patience, not letting him do much but lie back and enjoy. When I finally brought him to completion, he came with such intensity that I thought for a moment he had passed out. He was so spent, he couldn't even make his way to the bathroom to clean himself up. I fetched a washcloth and did it for him, wiping up the mess while he whimpered under my hands.

When I climbed back into bed, he managed a shaky, "Damn, Heero!"

I chuckled at him and kissed the end of his nose. "Go to sleep." Then I rolled over to do just that.

[cont]