Feedback? Yes please!
Warnings: Heero POV, shocked sensibilities, teenage angst, '90s rock music
(fear me), guilt, growth, interrupted wild bunny sex
Notes: It took me a while to write because I kept getting distracted with
school work and making hemp necklaces. *snicker* Forgive?
I think there's one period
in my life I'll never be able to forget, no matter what else happens.
I can't forget it; I'm too scared to. No, make that terrified. I'm terrified
to think of what could happen if I ever forgot because this was one of
the most important lessons, one of the most important memories of my life.
It begins exactly two weeks before Duo's eighteenth birthday; exactly
two years, seven months and three days after Duo and I "got together."
Yes. I counted.
"Heero! Get out here!" my boyfriend's voice screamed frantically,
a loud banging on the front door to my parents' house following shortly
after his cries. I'd been lying on my bed, snoozing the afternoon away
when he had started his racket. My parents were probably still at work
or they would have let him in already. "Heero!" I snapped awake
in an instant and tumbled out of bed hurriedly. My fingers found their
way into my hair, running through the strands nervously as I rushed out
of the room wondering what the hell could be wrong with Duo. Had
his father kicked off and he was here to celebrate? No, Heero... that's
not nice. I snorted at the mental sarcasm. When had my thoughts begun
to sound like Duo?
I threw open the door when I finally reached it, barely able to get my
stubborn fingers to fumble with the locks before my hand was latched onto
the knob. Duo stood there, his fist raised to pound on the door again,
his beautiful eyes wide and almost shocky, and his brown hair frazzling
out of his braid like he'd thrown it together in a hurry. When he saw
me his fist lowered and that was the only warning I had before he launched
himself at me, wrapping his arms around my neck and nailing his
lips to mine.
I froze, my eyes widening as I stared out the still open door. My gaze
was searching almost frantically to see if someone, anyone was watching.
It was horrible and I knew that, but I couldn't help it. My parents still
didn't know. Guilt welled up inside me until I had to push Duo away, my
hands clasping his shoulders and looking into his eyes for a reason to
"What?" Ohh, yeah, wonderful, Yuy.
"Lookit this!" he said breathlessly
and waved a paper in my face. I reached for it but he snatched it away,
holding it up so he could see the words. "Dear Mr Duo Maxwell...important
future...blah blah blah...okay, here! 'We're glad to inform you, Duo Maxwell,
that you've been accepted into the University of North Carolina under
the High Achievement and Academic Scholarship provided by our school!'
Isn't this wonderful?! This is wonderful, I think it's wonderful, don't
you?" His words were stumbling over each other in their haste to leave
"It is wonderful, Duo," I said, with no little excitement of my
own, finally releasing my hold on his shoulders and allowing him to pull
me into another excited hug. I reached out an arm and caught the very
edge of the door, slamming it shut before pressing my lips to the place
where his neck met his shoulder. My arms wrapped around his waist and
I backed us away from the door toward the stairs.
"I mean we've been accepted to the same school and everything. We could
get an apartment together or, barring that, we could kill our dorm buddies
and share one of those!" He grinned wildly when I just stared at him.
"Okay, well, no. But the apartment idea was a good one..." he trailed
off and his arms tightening around my neck, his violet eyes becoming sober.
"Because you know I've been working my ass off to save money for this
ever since I could get a job," he said quietly. "And ever since our little
understanding, I don't think I could imagine not doing this with you."
He was looking at me intently and I had to repress the sigh that wanted
to come. I loved him. He'd known I loved him for a year now, which
was about when I had figured it out. Yet he was always unsure about anything
he suggested when it involved the two of us doing things together. Why?
Because as of yet he and Relena were the only people in the world who
knew I was not straight.
He pulled in a breath when the door cracked open before I could comment
and quickly disentangled himself from me. "Duo, hi!" my mother said, stopping
in the doorway to smile at us. She had been delighted when I had come
home with a new friend one rainy afternoon. I'd never been very popular,
I had preferred to keep to myself and didn't really have any friends except
for Relena and after knowing her since Kindergarten I considered her more
my sister than anything else. I wondered if she would be just as delighted
to know that my supposed best friend was really the love of my life. The
love I'm hurting every day, I thought when I looked at Duo and saw
that his excited expression had somewhat dimmed.
I am a coward; I'll admit that here and now. And one of my worst fears
is falling out of acceptance with my parents. Aside from Duo, they mean
everything to me. One day, I'll tell them and be damned with the consequences
because I know, no matter what, I'd never give Duo up for anything. I
just don't know when I'll be able to face that decision.
"What's that?" my mother nodded curiously toward the paper hanging limply
from Duo's hand before she automatically turned to lock the door behind
"This?" Duo flashed one of his biggest, brightest grins and I nearly cringed
at the forced quality it had. I looked at my mother to see if she had
noticed. She hadn't. "Just a letter of acceptance to UNC," he continued
breezily, waving his hand in a dismissing quality.
"Just?" she walked toward him and wrapped him in a tight hug. "Duo,
there's nothing 'just' about that!" Taking a step back she laid a soft
kiss on his forehead. "I'm proud, Duo. Extremely." Duo's cheeks flushed
and he was almost visibly purring at the motherly contact. It was times
like these that I had hope that this wouldn't turn out horribly.
"Thanks Mrs Yuy," his grin toned down until he was giving a genuine smile.
My mother made a little sound in the back of her throat and rolled her
eyes, brushing her glossy reddish hair away from her face, "Why you insist
on calling me that... Duo, you've practically been a part of this family
for two years now. It's Adrian to you. Deal with it."
"Yes, Mrs Yuy." Duo edged a little closer to me, as if to hide behind
my body when my mother let out a loud groan and closed her eyes in exasperation.
"Teenagers," she muttered as if it were the darkest swear word she could
think of. She reopened her dark blue eyes, the only characteristic I'd
inherited from her, and walked past the both of us toward the kitchen.
"We're celebrating. I sense manicotti on the menu tonight," she knew that
was Duo's favorite dish. "That is...if you can stay for supper?" she cast
a look at Duo's almost too-thin frame over her shoulder and raised an
eyebrow. It definitely wasn't Duo's fault he was thin. He loved food more
than he loved me, or so it seemed sometimes. But circumstances had determined
that even though he was almost as tall as I had grown to be, he was still
as slight as he had been before he'd hit his growth spurt at sixteen.
I was determined to work on that when I finally got him away from his
father's money-grubbing clutches.
"As if I'd turn your cooking down!" Duo crowed and reached for my hand
when her back was turned again, tugging me toward the stairs.
"We'll be upstairs until it's ready, Mom," I called back and she shouted
an affirmative from the kitchen.
We walked side by side up the stairs and down the hall, my fingers twined
with his. When we reached my room I plopped down on the edge of my bed,
my eyes tracking him as he closed the door and moved over to my stereo.
He bent over, fiddling with the buttons for a moment, his pert behind
moving temptingly. Loud rock filled the room when Duo turned back toward
me, a familiar glitter in his violet eyes.
I grabbed onto his hand and pulled him toward me until he was standing
between my spread knees. My hand came up to trace the curve of his cheek
before bringing him down for a kiss. "I do love the apartment idea," I
murmured, brushing his soft hair away from his eyes before kissing him
again. Duo moaned low in his throat as my tongue rubbed languidly with
his. He crawled onto my lap, his knees on either side of my hips, his
hands burying themselves in my hair. I loved that sensation, his hands
clenching and unclenching in my hair, tugging on the strands enough to
make my scalp tingle. I wrapped my arms around his waist, bringing him
closer to me until our torsos were flush against each other. I dragged
my mouth away from his lips, breathing in deeply as I rested my forehead
against his, our hair mingling and our eyes staring deeply into each other.
"I love you," Duo dared to whisper, his tongue swiping across my parted
lips in one hot move. His eyes were darkened, glazed with want and I realized,
not for the first time, that I could never deny that look. I moved us
until he was lying on his back under me and I was straddling his hips.
I drew in a ragged breath and the sudden surge of pleasure the change
in position brought, my hips moving against his slowly, restlessly. Duo
bit his lip to hold in another moan as I grazed the sensitive stretch
of his neck with my lips, pausing to lick hungrily at the place where
his pulse pounded visibly. There was something so erotic about his neck;
I couldn't describe exactly what it was. It was the way the slightest
nibble could drag a round of gasping cries from him, or how a well placed
suck could make him scream, just like that.
"Hee-ro," he breathed, his voice hitching in the middle of my name, a
sound that never failed to drive me mad with desire. I wanted him, I needed
him, and I loved him. Duo's hands ran up my arms, over my shoulders, toying
with the buttons on my shirt before slipping the first few out of their
holes. His fingers danced eagerly inside, gliding over my heated skin.
I pulled my mouth away from his neck, scraping my teeth gently over his
collarbone, my hips speeding up against his, making an insuppressible
moan fall past his bruised lips.
He was writhing when my hands grasped his hips, moving beneath me, now
almost completely lost in his own world of pleasure. My hand moved from
his hip, brushing over the zipper of his jeans, undoing it, slipping inside.
"Ahh!" Duo cried out at the feel of my hand on him, the feel of my own
flesh burning into his thigh as I pushed against him. My fingers wrapped
themselves around his sex through his boxers, rubbing the material over
him, bringing more soft cries from him that were swallowed by the music
he had put on.
We were so caught up in each other, in our pleasure that we didn't notice
when my bedroom door opened. My father's voice cut through my fogged mind
like a knife and my eyes snapped upward, toward the door. "Guys, Adrian
sent me up to see if you wanted --" He trailed off in shocked silence
as he finally turned to look into the room. Mistake one. Duo'd
forgotten to lock the door. I'd forgotten to remind him.
The seconds ticked by like minutes, years, dragging themselves laboriously
past us. Duo seemed to freeze up beneath me, his body going cold in an
instant when he realized why I had stopped. I wanted to look at him, to
see what emotion lurked in his incredibly expressive face but my eyes
were riveted on my father. His lips were moving soundlessly, his bronzed
face so much like my own turning a slow crimson as his slanted brown eyes
flicked over the picture Duo and I made, pausing where my hand was still
buried in Duo's pants.
I finally did look down at Duo and wished I hadn't. I swallowed thickly
at the way his eyes were squeezed closed like he was expecting the worst.
He could take harsh words from his own father because he had grown up
around them, but I don't think he'd be able to stand it from a man who
had shown him nothing but kindness.
"Heero," my father's voice finally cracked the wall of tension surrounding
us, but didn't lessen it in the slightest. My gaze moved back to him.
"What..." A vein began to pulse in his forehead. "Would you care to explain
this?" he finally managed, his voice colder than an iceberg. Duo cringed
beneath me. I looked at him again. His teeth were now biting into his
bottom lip so hard it looked like he would draw blood at any moment. The
hand that was still on his hip started to move soothingly. My father caught
the motion and his gaze darkened further. I was thankful now that Duo
wasn't looking. I don't think he would have survived the murderous look
my father was giving us.
"No. No, I've changed my mind. I don't think I want to hear it right now."
"No!" he roared and Duo shivered under me, never having heard a
tone even similar to that from my father. I don't think I had either.
"Fix your clothing. I'll tell Adrian not to bother with his dinner. Duo
is leaving," his words were clipped, precise and he turned on heel to
exit the hallway.
"Oh God," Duo gasped, angry red lines where his teeth had cut into his
skin lining his lip. "Oh God," he began to shake, his limbs trembling
like leaves in a storm. I couldn't help but notice that I felt oddly detached,
distanced, as if I was dreaming and this hadn't really happened. Yet,
looking down into Duo's stricken eyes when they opened, I knew that it
I sat away from him, then pulled him up and into my arms. His shaking
only increased as he clung to me, but he didn't cry. I had only seen Duo
cry once in the time that I'd known him. And I'd punched him a second
afterward. "Heero...God, Heero, your father hates me," he whispered against
my half-open shirt. Then he was pulling away, rising to his feet quickly,
too quickly. He stumbled back toward me and I stood to catch him. He stood
there against me for a second, two, until he pulled away again, zipping
his pants up and backing away toward the door. His eyes were wide as he
looked at me and a small laugh escaped his mouth, sounding wholly out
of place. "You heard the man," he quirked a fake grin.
"Duo --" I started but he shook his head almost frantically. It seemed
I was doomed never to complete a sentence that night.
"I'm leaving. Now, like a good boy. Doing as I'm told," he turned.
I strode toward him when he made to exit the room and grabbed onto his
arm, swinging him around to face me. "You can't just kiss me and leave,"
I said quietly, remembering the day when everything had fallen into place.
Duo's eyes grew anguished again. "No, Heero, no, no, no." He shook
his head vehemently. "You have a good family. You have a family.
And if I stay I'll ruin that. That's how it always works."
"Duo, he doesn't hate you. He was shocked, that's all, I'm sure. He doesn't..."
I stopped at the look in his eyes, my grip tightening on his arm. "You
are not going to stop seeing me because of this. I can deal with my father.
I know I can." I just didn't know how...what to do, where to start...
"Heero, you know I love you, right?" he looked at me earnestly and I nodded.
"Good." He tried to remove his arm from my hold but I couldn't bring myself
to do it.
"You're not --" his lips on mine cut me off and when I let go of him in
shock he was gone. I didn't go after him. I couldn't move. The detached
feeling had suddenly disappeared and the reality of it all fell on me
like a ton of bricks. My father had found out. My father had definitely
not taken it well.
Duo had left. But I would not allow him to stop seeing me.
Duo had stopped coming over. Duo had stopped answering his phone. Duo
was avoiding me. My father and I had not spoken to each other in the two
weeks since it had happened. Unless you counted trading stony glares as
talking. I was miserable. I was in the exact situation I had tried to
avoid by keeping the truth from them. Only now I didn't have Duo to compensate.
It was Saturday, the day before Duo's birthday, and I was lying in bed,
trying very hard not to think of that fact when a weight dipped the corner
of the bed toward the floor. I opened my eyes, surprised to see Relena
sitting very calmly at my feet. She wasn't looking at me, instead focused
on the hands folded in her lap.
"You know you're an idiot," she said after a moment, finally looking at
me. I nodded silently in agreement and she raised an eyebrow. "You know
because he's avoiding you he's also avoiding me. He doesn't want to ruin
our friendship by making me choose. Because obviously he broke up with
you and you hate him now," her tone was caustic and she took in the shocked
expression that came over my features. "Why haven't you gone to him?"
"He's avoiding me," I said flatly.
"Oh, of course," she soothed, then smacked my thigh with the back of her
hand. "That, Heero Yuy, is no excuse." I frowned and looked away from
her, knowing what she said was true. I wanted to go to him, but I hadn't
been able to work the nerve up to do so, afraid that he'd turn me away.
"I'm leaving now. And until you start using the brain I know is somewhere
hidden in your head, don't bother calling me, okay?" Relena said sweetly
before standing up and leaving the room.
I laid there for a long, long time, just thinking. My father showed no
signs of backing down from his anger. My mother was quietly noncommittal
and that was almost as bad. I was unhappy and I missed Duo more than I
had ever missed anything in my life. I knew what I was going to do.
I rolled out of bed and straightened, walking downstairs and into the
garage, which sat off of the kitchen, without looking at either of the
people sitting at the kitchen table. I grabbed three empty storage boxes
and walked back through the kitchen toward my room. My father cursed and
stood, setting his cup of coffee down on the table. He followed after
"What do you think you're doing, Heero?" he demanded when I started emptying
the contents of all my drawers into the boxes. I ignored him, keeping
to my task and trying not to remember that that was the first time I'd
heard him speak in two weeks. "Well?"
"Heero, answer your father," my mother said from the doorway, her voice
"I think it's quite obvious, though," I replied and moved to my desk,
taking all the papers I needed from it and putting them into another box.
"I'm moving out."
"The hell you are," my father shouted, his eyes sparking dangerously.
"I'm eighteen, I turned eighteen months ago. You really have no right
to tell me what to do any more."
"You have no reason --"
"Look," I cut him off, relishing having finally gotten the chance to do
so. "You obviously can't accept the fact that, yes, Duo was my boyfriend
and I love him very much. Therefore, I see no reason why I should continue
to remain here. I'm gay, but you don't like that, so I'm leaving. Understand
"I never said anything --"
"Exactly, not anything! Not one word since that night. You made it painfully
"It was a shock, Heero."
"A shock that lasted for two weeks, huh?"
I hefted one of the boxes and walked past him and my mother, taking it
out to the car I had bought not long after my seventeenth birthday. I
repeated the trip twice, pausing momentarily outside my door on the third
to hear my mother whispering calmly to my father. "He needs to do this,
Hideo. You've been an ass, accept that and move on. He'll be back."
I had a box in my arms when I walked from my car to the tiny ground floor
apartment somehow looming in front of me. The door opened before I even
reached it. Duo stood on the other end, wide-eyed and pale, as if he had
never expected to see me again.
"Heero, what're you doing here?" Hearing his voice after two weeks made
me physically ache.
"Moving in," I replied, making it a plain statement of fact. And it was.
He really had no say in the matter.
"Oh..." Duo blinked and moved aside to let me through to door as if in
a daze. My eyes moved over the place, the kitchen, living room and hall
all somehow connected in one small box. Then my gaze stopped on the man
standing in front of one of the bedrooms with a beer bottle in one hand.
"So, you're the fairy's boyfriend. Don't tell me we're all gonna be one
nice, little family, now," Bill sneered, waving agitatedly with his beer
"That's right. I'm the fairy's boyfriend. And what a lovely fairy he is,"
I stated matter of factly and lent to place a light kiss on Duo's lips.
Everything within me screamed at the contact. Duo still looked dazed.
I turned back toward the fat old man who looked decidedly red in the face
and green around the gills. "Don't like it, then you can easily move out
since I know Duo's been paying the rent, the bills and for the food for
quite some time now. In fact, I'd even help you pack."
Bill stood, visibly flabbergasted before he turned and disappeared into
"Heero, I thought..."
"You thought wrong," I put the box down at my feet and pulled Duo into
a tight embrace. He stood there, stiff for a moment before returning the
hug. "Don't you dare, ever think that I'd just let you go," I murmured
against his hair, breathing his scent in deeply.
"But your parents..." his voice was tired, husky with too many emotions
"Will get over it," I snorted. "Parents fight with their children all
the time, then forget they even fought days later. It's a fact of life.
And I had to come out sooner or later." Duo nodded against my neck and
I smiled, happy for the first time in two weeks.
By noon the next day Bill still hadn't come out of his room. Duo and I
were quietly snuggling on his bed, enjoying the morning. "Happy birthday,"
I murmured, smirking slightly. "I'm considering following tradition and
spanking you eighteen times."
Duo laughed devilishly and squirmed out of my arms and out of bed. "If
you think you can catch me, you're on," he leered then dashed out of the
room. I rose languidly, not even bothering to give chase. When I left
the room I saw that Duo was standing in front of the open front door,
staring a giant yellow cake in the face. Blue-frosting letters decorated
the top. Come home.
The cake lowered and there
stood my mother, a hesitant smile on her face. She looked at the cake,
the around the apartment, then back up at Duo. "That means both
of you," she said, referring to the lettering.
Duo looked at her in shock, "What about Mr Yuy?"
"Hideo and I had a...discussion," her smile turned feral and scared me
more than anything ever had before. Mothers just weren't supposed to have
"Ah hah! He can say my name!" she crowed delightedly, drawing a crooked
grin from Duo.
"I really don't think Mr Yuy wants me there."
"He can get over it, because I do," she said, taking another look around
the apartment with obvious distaste. "Honestly," she said, turning to
look at me now, "Hideo doesn't have a problem...well he does, but we're
willing to accept that you are gay, Heero. It's obviously not something
you can change," she smiled softly, motherly at me before continuing.
"He's can be a stubborn asshole sometimes and he refused to admit he was
"There's still Bill," he cast a look at the still closed door to Bill's
bedroom. "I have to --"
"You don't have to do anything for that...man, Duo," I said gently, walking
toward them. "You're eighteen as of today. An adult. Meaning he can't
do anything if you leave."
"Oh...oh!" Duo's gaze brightened considerably, violet eyes twinkling with
an inner light. He looked at my mother, "You're sure?"
"Positive," she grinned excitedly.
"Heero," he rushed up and wrapped himself around me, obviously pleased
to be doing it in front of my mother instead of hiding. "How soon do you
think we can pack my stuff?"
Two years, seven months and three days after we became a couple I experienced
what it was like to be without Duo and I'll never forget because I will
never allow it to happen again. Never.
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