pairings: although this features a relationship between 1+R, it is to
my mind a love story about 1+2.
warnings: yaoi, het, Relena sympathy, language, dreams, flying monkeys.
notes: the song featured herein is by blink 182. I know, I know-- believe
me, I've heard all the reasons why people hate them, but you know what?
I don't. The song's called "What Went Wrong?" and I like it :).
feedback: ^_- this is the part where I beg, right?
past tense--actual event
dialogue in dreams and flashbacks is not in quotes
+ Part 2
I'm sick of always hearing all those sad songs on the radio All day
it is there to remind an oversensitive guy that he's lost and alone yeah
Breakfast. Heero listened
to Relena's light chatter, ate the Belgian waffles with strawberries that
Relena had made for him at least once a week, and never once thought of
the fact that this had been Duo's favorite breakfast first. Never once
let his mind wander to how Duo had looked in whipped cream and strawberries.
How he had tasted in them.
"I had a dream last night."
His fork stilled midway between his plate and his mouth; a strawberry
fell with the weight of a body.
Duo would have laughed at that thought -- had at one similar once.
It's Heero popcorn! he laughed. Look -- this one falls off the
theatre balcony and sets its own broken bones. . . this one, when exposed
to a little heat, blew itself up, and this one, and there he tossed it
into his mouth, I just can't stop eating.
Heero, more content to watch his lover than the Lon Chaney movies that
were currently on screen, had been grateful for the almost empty theatre.
Does everything make you think of sex? he had asked.
Duo had paused, astonished. Of course. Everything. Especially everything
that has to do with you. He had leaned into his lover's shoulder.
And popcorn has to do with me?
He could still remember the feel of Duo's eyelashes on his tank top bared
shoulder. You're both here, Duo had said softly, you both taste so good,
and you're both mine.
Onscreen the hunchback of Notre Dame lamented the Gypsy he could never
hold on to. No matter how hard he tried.
I hate our favorite restaurant our favorite movie our favorite show
Relena noticed nothing -- not that there was anything to notice,
Heero allowed. Strawberries falling -- hardly earthshaking news.
"Good dream?" he asked.
"You were in it," she said. He supposed that was a yes. "You and I were
on a beach," she said. "Just walking. And you had one hand sort of worked
into my hair, and the other one crossed in front of you, holding mine.
And we just walked slowly along, and then this little girl ran up to us
with seashells. And I looked at her -- and she had your eyes. And
my nose. And it was like I could feel the three of us -- feel you
in my body and me in yours and both of us in this little girl --
and I felt like there was no such thing as loneliness in the world."
He set his fork down and motioned to her. She smiled, a bit tremulously,
and came over to stand beside him. He pulled her into his lap. "I know
the feeling," he said, and kissed her. Worked his hand through her hair
to cup the back of her head, and tried to show her how much not being
alone meant to him.
We would stay up all through
the night we would laugh and get high And never answer the phone
He is in a field of bright flowers; everyone has turned up to watch the
flying monkeys play. He's almost sure that the rules are wrong --
they've got the grapes, but who plays hockey with sticks? It doesn't matter,
though; he just leans back until the ground is beneath his head and the
tall flowers surround him. Almost like being in a suit, he thinks, and
he is afraid to move his hands because what if he does and the controls
A familiar laugh. Nearby.
He sits up, the controls and the suit gone -- just the flowers.
You look good in yellow, Duo says, sitting beside him. He plucks a bright
dandelion and twirls it, runs his finger along the snapped stem and offers
the white sap to Heero. When the other boy makes no movement, Duo shrugs,
and sticks the flower behind his lover's ear. There. Beautiful.
Am I the only one? Heero asks.
You always have been.
I mean the dreams. Do you show up in anybody else's dreams?
Duo shrugs. Not so far as I know. He reaches out, threads his fingers
through Heero's hair, cups the back of his head in one capable hand. You're
the only one.
A child runs by, and Heero almost notices something.
The home team scores a goal, and the flowers leap to their feet, yelling
excitedly. Heero wonders if he should care. She's still looking for you,
you know, he says.
Intelligence reports today. She says it's dangerous to have a Gundam pilot
completely unaccounted for.
Duo's eyes are hard to read; the glare of the sun makes it hard for Heero
to look at him. I'm surprised she wants me found. After all --
you were mine first.
She's not like that, Heero defends. She'd do it, you know. She'd let me
go, if you showed up one day. Every time she's expecting the results she
gets a little nervous -- as if she's getting ready to say goodbye
I wonder, Duo says, his hand gently rubbing Heero's stomach, what you'd
do if she did find me.
I'd kill you, Heero says simply. I'd beat you to a pulp. And then I'd
cry. And then. . . I don't know.
I can't forgive
Duo laughs, a sound without humor. And slides his hands down Heero's arms,
until their palms are flat against each other. He doesn't take his eyes
from his true lover's as he links their fingers. I found a flower!
Heero starts, and looks over.
The child is perfect -- long hair, braided, dark as his own. The
color of Duo's eyes, the shape of his own. His ears. Duo's smile. He can
feel them -- little bits of Duo and this boy woven into his body,
small beautiful threads of their love touching every atom of his being.
He has never felt more lonely.
There is an injury; one monkey takes the bench, another is shut into the
penalty box with Dorothy Catalonia and a good supply of leather.
Don't, he says.
Duo shrugs. This one's all yours. I didn't bring it with me. He separates
one hand from Heero and reaches out. The boy is unnaturally silent --
he extends a hand to meet Duo's.
Don't, Heero pleads, and the child blinks, and is gone.
Duo's hand stays extended; the look on his face reminds Heero of the way
that people would look at you, in that second after you killed them, in
that breath before they were dead.
It begins to snow and he can no longer feel Duo's hand in his. Don't leave,
I have to.
Promise you'll come back.
Duo looks anguished. You have to let me go, Heero. You have to let me
let you go.
Promise me. Promise.
And like salvation there is a touch, and the familiar sensation of Duo
wrapping the cross. Just once more.
Can't give in
Heero tries to cover Duo's hand in his own, but the other boy is fading,
and his hand finds only the gold cross. Duo reaches up to touch him, but
all he can do is stroke the glass. Heero, inside it, watches his lover
fade. The snow comes down -- the flowers fade to gray --
someone shakes the snow globe again and places it on a shelf. Heero doesn't
mind being inside the snow globe -- he just wishes they'd stop
"Stop," he mumbles.
"Then wake up," Relena said, exasperated, then laughed. "You can't sleep
outside, Heero -- it'll be dark before too long. If you're tired,
He opened his eyes. "Relena?"
She smiled, that sweet, shy smile that was reserved for him --
so different from the polished but genuine smile the rest of the world
saw. "I was on my way back when I saw you here. Tired?"
Heero sat up slowly. "I must have been." As he rose, a flower fell from
behind his ear -- he caught it reflexively, took one look, and
closed his hand around the dandelion.
Relena's gardeners would never have such flowers growing in the estate.
"You done for today?" he asked, pulling her up with him, letting her rest
against his body for a minute. She nodded against his shoulder. "Anything
interesting? You met with Intelligence on us today, didn't you?"
"Yes," she said, and laughed a little. "They're never quite sure what
to say about you. Pilot 01," she said, lowering her voice in mimicry of
her informant, "is, uh, well, that is to say, ma'am, he's shacking up
with you. And then I always have to bite my tongue -- literally
-- to keep from saying something really snarky back."
What went wrong?
"Oh, like, really? I hadn't noticed. Or -- you must be mistaken.
My girlfriend would never stand for that. Or," and she chattered on. He
walked back to the house, his arm linked with hers, and stole glances
at her nose.
He knew without her saying it that she had no information on Duo. He hadn't
expected anything else.
Cause you said this was right
Later that night he went to the small box that was his most prized possession
and placed two items in it. The first was a fading dandelion. The second
was a small braid, composed of one strand of his dark hair, one long bright
strand from a much lighter head, and one strand of hair that was somewhere
You fucked up my life
I'm sick of always hearing sappy love songs on the radio
This place it's fucking cursed and it's plagued
And I can never escape when my heart it explodes
I can't forgive can't forget can't give in what went wrong?
Cause you said this was right.
You fucked up my life.
I'm kicking how fiercely at the world around me
What went wrong?
I'm kicking -- how fiercely at the world around me
What went wrong?
I'm kicking -- how fiercely at the world -- around me
What went wrong?
I'm kicking -- how fiercely -- at the world -- around me
What went wrong?
I'm kicking --
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