Sleep 3/? shattered
by: Zillie
archive see it _all_ at http//raygunworks.net <waves to dacia>
rating R
pairings there is definite 1+R, but as far as I'm concerned, the love story in this is 1+2. Also 3+4
warnings yaoi, Relena sympathy, wonky dreams, wonky tenses

song lyrics
present tense--dreams
past tense--real events
("dialogue"), flashbacks (dialogue)

the song "shattered" belongs to remy zero and is used without permission. A link to the page I got the song lyrics from is included at the end of the fic.

Sleep + Part 3

+

They meet when Duo comes into the investment office where Heero is working for the summer. The boy is young, brash, and, Heero conjectures from looking at his data, has recently lost a lot of money in the stock market. But his eyes behind his sunglasses are unconcerned, and the car he hops into is fast and stylish. Heero thinks about him.

+

grace in light
somehow i found you here

+

The next day at lunch, Duo is waiting in front of the building. Heero slides in his car and laughs at the sheer speed of it, the sheer inevitability of it all. He has never seen anyone like this before; the word selfish comes to mind but he discards it -- this is not a self-important person. This is a person who refuses to let the troubles and opinions of the world trap him.

Two weeks later, they take Heero's little sister out for a drive, and find themselves at a retreat. The woman who meets them seems to know Duo -- she shows them around. The vineyard, the studios of the artists who work there, the small chapel. When she leads Molly off to see the cloth made there, Duo cocks an eyebrow at Heero and gestures toward the church.

Shall we?

+

torn from the hope and fear
holds us inside


+

They are married on a whim.

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pull me out
out from the world i've known


+

After they have kissed the groom, Duo leads Heero down a hidden path in the forest. They emerge to find a house beside a lake, the house calm and quiet, the lake filled with singing fish. Come inside, Duo invites, his eyes giving the words layers of meaning. But Heero's hair is not gold, and he does not wish to disturb the bear family.

As they step into a gondola to leave, the woman says something to Duo, and Heero looks around with new eyes. This is yours, he says. You pay for this.

Shh. It's a secret. People here think that the government had a moment of weakness and that's where the checks come from.

You're rich.

Duo is puzzled. You didn't know?

+

and all love was broken cold
brought me here


+

Heero's family is thrilled; they arrange for a wedding, big and elaborate to show off his rich husband. But when Heero walks into Duo's study the next day he is resolute. He stands his ground even as the other boy's face fills with pain.

I don't want to marry a rich person, Heero says, his voice tight with misery. I don't want to be someone's ornament, or someone's extension.

What do you want to be? Duo asks, turning to look out the window. The world outside is black and white -- Jimmy Stewart stands on a bridge and looks over at them.

Heero leads his husband outside, into the surgery that is conveniently right there. I want to be a vet, he says. I want to be me and not Mr. Relena Duo. I am mine first.

+

from you one look

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Duo is almost in tears; he puts his sunglasses on. The colorless light glints off of them. In all the world he is the only color. If I could give it up, he says, if I could just stay. . . if there was any way. He looks directly at Heero. I got what I wanted, and then I met you, and I forgot not to want any more.

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just one look

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Selfish, Heero croons, moving closer. The amethyst tears dropping from behind the sunglasses are concerning him. Why did you make me love you when you knew what would happen? He catches a purple tear, rubs it between his fingers gently.

Duo looks over his shoulder at the lake house, now behind him. Because I didn't know how not to.

+

and everything is shattered

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At the end of the summer, Heero takes a boat back to school. It passes by the lake house, and the girl behind him tells her neighbor all about the recluse who lives there.

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from you one word

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I knew him when I was little, she says, and in all that time he never invited anyone there. He never let anyone in. I always thought that for Duo to invite someone in would be the greatest expression of love in the world.

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towers burn and fall/ fall/ fall

+

Heero woke up, crying silently. Relena slept peacefully beside him, and he crept from the bed rather than wake her. The small tear-shaped amethyst he found in his hands conviently had a small hole in it; he slipped it onto the gold chain he wore even in sleep. Especially in sleep.

+

just be still

+

When they'd found him four years ago he had been all but emaciated. Quatre, concerned by the three months of no communication, had broken into the apartment he and Duo had shared with a pathetically small amount of trouble. He had found Heero, gun in one hand, Duo's pillow in another. For a second Heero had looked at him hopefully, but almost immediately he looked down again. Pressed the pillow to his nose.

+

arms just surround like the sun

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Heero -- what's going on? Where's Duo? Quatre moved in, horrified, and knelt beside his fellow pilot. What's wrong with you?

Heero's hand had tensed on the pillow. I can't smell him anymore.

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facing the life we've begun

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Duo? Where is he? Is he all right?

Heero had shrugged, the movement all too apparent in his skeletal body. He's gone. He had to. . . he had to leave.

Gone where? Heero, look at me. Look at me. He reached over and touched Heero's shoulder -- the boy started, as if he'd forgotten what it felt like to be touched. Heero. . . what happened?

He had to leave, the boy said, voice deadened.

When? When did he leave?

Heero shook his head. Don't know. What day is it?

Saturday. Saturday.

Date.

July, Heero. It's July seventh.

He left in April. April twenty-fourth. Heero pulled the gun in, closer to his body. It was his birthday, you know.

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it holds us inside

+

Quatre took in the dust in the apartment, the smell of Heero, and the general dishevelment of the world. How long has it been since you ate? he asked gently.

Heero's eyes were vague; his lack of focus shook the other boy. I don't know. The food. . . ran out. He ran a loving hand over the satin pillowcase -- Duo had refused to sleep on anything else on the grounds that his hair deserved the best -- and then reached up to touch Quatre's face. He said he'd be back, Heero whispered. When you came in, I thought you were him. He said he'd be back. . . just one more time. He leaned in and kissed the other boy; the smell of his body and the sweet decay of his breath nauseated Quatre, but he refused to pull away. He was rewarded by the feel of a gun barrel on his chin. Why aren't you him? Heero breathed, pulling back just a bit. Quatre could see the tears in his eyes. He said he'd be back. . . why aren't you Duo?

+

from you one look
just one look


+

Quatre took him home, of course, home to Trowa and a battalion of concerned servants who made it their mission to feed him. Heero didn't care one way or the other; before long he was fairly healthy again. He still couldn't sleep, though, not for more than twenty minutes at a time.

I don't know what to do, Quatre had said to Trowa.

+

and everything is shattered

+

Trowa had looked down at the results of another search which had, again, failed to turn up their missing comrade. I do. Beat the shit out of Duo. He sighed and pushed the report away. Are you sure he's not dead?

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from you one word

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I'm fairly sure. Quatre unconsciously touched a hand to his chest. I think I'd know. I think he's alive. But Heero. . . he's only barely so. I don't understand, I have to admit. He got through the war, through most of his life on his own.

Trowa had studied his lover. He got through because he didn't know what he was missing. Now he does. He doesn't have anything, Quatre. He doesn't have the war and he doesn't have anything that gives the peace any kind of meaning. He's living by his emotions, love.

+

towers burn

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And if he keeps doing that he's not going to be living at all, Quatre had retorted.

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and fall

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A week later Relena came for a visit. Two weeks later, when she left, Heero went with her.

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fall

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The first night he slept beside her in her ivory tower, he had his first dream.

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fall

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The first night he slept beside her in her ivory tower, he saw Duo again.

+

fires curl
shadows surge
a hollow sound
that no one else can here
but me in silent streams
forever more we dream


tsu*zu*ku

http//www.remy-zero.net/shattered.htm

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